I'm dead.
No I'm not writing this from beyond the grave. Obviously I'm not really dead, but pretty much anyone who's ever known me thinks I am.
So how is it that they think I'm dead when I'm clearly not? That, my friend, is a long story. So if you're curious, and you do seem to be curious since you clicked on the link, please sit back and enjoy. It's not a story for the faint of heart, however, because I readily admit I'm a fucking bastard and what's to follow is nuclear revenge.
I suppose I should start with a few things. My name is Richard Price. Not Dick, not Rick, Richard. I'm 6 foot even, 190 pounds. I've been called good looking by a lot of people, so I guess I am. I've got brown wavy hair, brown eyes, and I'm currently sporting a mustache & goatee. I was 39 when I "died", I'm 43 now. I'll admit that most of my life things came pretty easily to me, like school and learning Taekwondo. I wasn't born extremely rich or anything like that, I was just able to figure things out fairly quickly and, yes, I did inherit a large sum of money twice over. This is something I told no one for specific reasons. I saw how money affected friendships and, most of all, relationships. So I kept that secret to myself.
Now college is when everything pretty much began. This is when I met Amy. The love of my life. The treacherous bitch who.... Wait. Sorry. I'm getting way ahead of myself here.
Amy and I met in an accounting class during our sophomore year. I'd like to say that it was love at first sight for the two of us, but it wasn't. She was just a girl and I was just a guy. Granted, she was a fucking hot girl with a body that wet dreams are made of. She also had a lot of guys, as well as a few girls, chasing after her. However, from all outward appearances, she ignored them to focus on school. Nope, from what I could see, she was there to get a diploma and get the hell out. In a way so was I. Get the degree, get the fuck out.
Well, things have a way of changing your plans. And change they did because one day in the library, as I was turning a corner, she ran into me. I mean, actually ran into me. She was running and slammed right into me. Her 5'1" body hit mine and it was like she hit a wall. Down she went.
Being the gentleman I am I said, "What the fuck is your problem? Watch where you're going, you crazy bitch!"
She looked up at me with tears in her eyes, unable to form words. And then I felt like a piece of shit.
I finally said, "Oh crap, I'm so sorry. Are you ok?"
I offered her my hand to help her up and then I really got a good look at her. Gorgeous emerald green eyes to go with her voluminous red hair that fell past her shoulders. And the pair of knockers she had for her tiny frame made them look a lot bigger than 38DD.
Thankfully she accepted both my hand and apology. She stood up, still sniffling and crying. I finally had to ask what was wrong and she totally broke down. It seems her parents had gotten into a car accident and she was an instant orphan. Long story short, I took her back to her dorm room and stayed with her. Giving her a shoulder to cry on until she fell asleep. I then took my leave, but only after leaving her my phone number and contact info.
I admit a lot of guys would've taken advantage of a vulnerable girl in that situation, but not me, though I was very tempted. The thing is, I could relate to what she was going through. I lost my parents at the tender age of 13. I was then raised by my aunt (mom's sister), bless her soul. She, too, passed away (fuck cancer!) a month before I started college. Between my parents and my aunt, I inherited quite a large sum of money (multi-millions). The vast majority of it was held in a trust until I graduated college, but only if I maintained 3.7 or higher GPA. For the time being, I got a monthly allowance. Now if I did not maintain that GPA, I would only get that allowance and not full access to my trust until I turned 30. But things really clicked when I hit college. My GPA at the time of meeting Amy was just over 3.8.
Anyway, like I said, a lot of guys would've taken advantage of her. Instead I let her sleep and let her decide if she wanted to contact me again or not. I knew she was dealing with a lot of stuff. As it turns out, I didn't hear from her. Like, at all. I was a little miffed, but it is what it is. The year ended and off I went to return home. (I had inherited my aunt's very large house and I owned it outright.) So I spent the summer fucking around a bit before I decided to start up my company, as I was studying computer forensics with my ultimate goal of being a "legal hacker" for companies. Yeah, I did try some of the illegal stuff, but it wasn't worth the possibility of prison time.
Now I'm not the best at hacking, but I'm definitely very good. However, back then, I was super cocky about it and it cost me. I learned the hard way and I lost out on making a lot of money, but by the end of that summer I had been hired by a local bank to see if I could get past their firewalls. A more proficient hacker probably would've done it in a hour, it took me 90 minutes. Regardless, I did it and showed them their weaknesses. Now because of my cockiness, I had to do it for free in order to prove myself. They still gave me a $500 check as a "thank you" and thus started my career.
Once summer ended, I went back to college for my junior year and settled in once again. About a month into it, as I sat outside in the common area, I was suddenly attacked by someone who grabbed me from behind. I wasn't sure what was going on or who was suddenly accosting me, but I then heard a female voice saying "thank you" over and over again. I finally got loose and turned around and there stood Amy in all her hotness. Big smile that absolutely lit her up. Of course, the crop top and mini skirt certainly helped too!
Amy then said, "Oh God, I was hoping I would see you again! I am soooooo sorry for not texting you or something, but my bitch of a roommate threw away your number. She just thought you were come creep who would take advantage of me! I kicked her out and I have a new roomie now! Forgive me?"
I looked into those gorgeous eyes and how could I say no?
"Hey, it's ok. No biggie. I really didn't think you'd call me or anything." I was lying my ass off of course.
She frowned a little and then said, "Oh. Not even a little?"
I smiled and then said, "Well, maybe just a little."
She squealed and gave me another hug and then said, "OK, so here's the thing. I owe you something. Dinner, drinks, something! Pleeeeeeeeease say yes!"
I pretended to think about it and then said, "Eh, I could eat." Mr. Smooth there.
She jumped up and down, giggling with joy. This girl was something else.
So that night was the first of many nights spent together with Amy Spencer. 2 and half years later she became Amy Price. During those 2 and half years I discovered she wasn't the bubble headed girl she pretended to be. Quite the contrary, she was far smarter than she let on. She just loved keeping people off kilter with her supposed "airheadedness". I learned quickly to never underestimate her, unfortunately I forgot that lesson.
Now a few things that happened in those 2 and half years of dating: I found out she was a year older than me because she took a year off to travel. Not a biggie, it's just a year. We also had a lot of a sex. I mean A LOT. That woman could rev my motor like no other. There was almost nothing that was taboo with her, but I absolutely refused to include others. I was a one on one kinda a guy, I didn't want another body in bed with me. She pouted a bit over it, but told me that she accepted it and never asked again. Now I heard a few rumors around campus about her wildness, but I chalked it up to jealousy. We spent a lot of time together, so I didn't think much of it. The other thing is I never mentioned was my trust, and that was for a reason. I wanted to make sure she loved me for me and not the cash. When we were about to get married, I gave her a pre-nup to sign. That confused her, but I told her that it protects her as much as it protected me, so she shrugged her shoulders and signed it anyway. She came from a lot of money so she thought my logic was sound. Once I had it locked away in a safety deposit box, after a copy was sent to my lawyer, I then told her about the trust. She was pissed at first, but then realized she was marrying a guy with a lot of money. I just never went into details as to how much money. I let her assume it was hundreds of thousands, not well over 10 million (at the time). Even then I felt I needed to keep some things to myself, though it was subconscious.
Soon after we got married, we had agreed to wait on children in order to get our careers underway. I had a head start with mine, but she was working towards being a CPA and she wanted her own firm. It took her 5 years before she did it. 2 years after that I was doing my best in trying to get her pregnant, but we found out she was infertile. Not even in vitro would've worked. That was a very dark period for us both. Our sex life was nearly nonexistent for a brief time and she just focused on her business, working long hours, etc., but we eventually found the light again and our sex life was reignited.
For the next few years we settled into our lives. My business was flourishing, as was hers. Between the two of us we were clearing over 3 million a year with things looking even better for the future. But then things started to change. I didn't notice it at the time because it was so gradual, but, in looking back, this is when I know my marriage was doomed. I was just not paying very close attention to things.
Both of our jobs did have us travelling quite a bit. Mine more than hers. However, it wasn't like either of us were gone for weeks at a time. I was usually gone for 2 or 3 days twice, maybe 3 times, a month, while Amy seemed to be gone a full week every month. We adjusted and life seemed to be very good. Our sex life definitely decreased, but we still fucked like bunnies at least once a week, though it was different somehow, more like her just using me. Amy was also beginning to dress a lot sexier, which I did love. I also noticed she was wearing a new anklet and never took it off.
Now a few months before Amy's 40th birthday I was making plans for a big vacation. I had always wanted to do a cruise, but Amy gets violently seasick, so that was out. So I settled on going to Hawaii for 2 weeks. A place she had always dreamed of going to, but never got the opportunity. So in order to keep it a secret, I used the excuse of travelling for work to plan it all out. While I was on my trip, I hired a private plane to take us to Hawaii and back, rented out a villa in Maui, as well as hired a car service to take us anywhere on the island. I had so much I wanted to do when there, including her bucket list item of flying in a helicopter. But how does the old saying go? "Man plans, God Laughs." At this point He was laughing His ass off...
As I said, I used traveling for work as the excuse to make all these plans. I wasn't going to do it at home, Amy might overhear it. Ditto from doing it at the office where one of my staff might also overhear it. I was not going to let this surprise be ruined! As it turned out I was able to get most things arranged in a day or so, so I decided to surprised Amy by coming home early.
As the limo driver pulled up to my house, I noticed that there were 2 unknown cars parked in the driveway, along with Amy's. That's odd, I thought. I then asked the driver to drop me off a couple of houses down and I'd walk back. So I grabbed my duffel and laptop and snuck back. I entered through the garage door and dropped off my bags.
By now I had a choice. If I thought Amy was in danger, I probably should've call 911. That was the smart thing to do, BUT something in the back of my mind was telling me that I needed to investigate on my own. I knew I could take care of myself, but I still grabbed a revolver from the gun safe in the garage.
As I quietly entered the house, I could see that things weren't quite right. At the foot of the stairs were 3 pairs of shoes, including a pair of Amy's heels. Well, that's not good, I thought. Knowing every squeak and creak in the stairs, I was able to get upstairs without a sound. And as I got closer to the top floor, I could hear voices. Voices coming from our bedroom.
At this point, I knew what was going on. I really didn't need to see it. I could've snuck back downstairs, left the house, and just file for divorce. Easy peasy. But, nope, not me. Things were beginning to click now. All the changes with Amy, our decreased/changed sex life, how she dressed. It wasn't for me, it was for someone else.
I at least had the presence of mind to turn on the record video app on my cell as I approached the door to our bedroom. Thankfully it was wide open and I could see what was going on. Unfortunately, what was going on was something I wish I didn't see. On our bed was Amy and 2 other men. Very, very large men. And I don't mean in terms of their bodies, but rather their equipment. Now I was certainly not the largest, but I have larger than average dick. Not these guys, I've seen smaller donkeys. But here they were spit-roasting her.
I probably should've rushed in and stopped things, but then I heard a third man speak up. "That's a good little cumslut. Do your Master proud and take that pounding. You're such a fucking pig slut whore, aren't you?"
All Amy could do it give a muffled agreement since one guy was slamming his dick into her mouth, while the other was behind her slamming into her unmercilessly.
Then the third man stepped into view and all I could see was a mousy looking naked guy. Definitely smaller than me, in every way. He continued to berate Amy, calling her every humiliating word in the book. And as he watched, I saw him stroking his tiny dick to the scene in front of him, before squirting all over her. When he did that, I could tell Amy came.
As I was about to back away, the guy in her mouth pulled out and sprayed her face. I then rushed away, not because I was worried about getting caught, but because I felt like was about to puke. I barely kept it down, but now I had a mix of emotions from anger to sadness to being humiliated. Somehow I was able to leave the house undetected and I ordered an Uber to pick me up a couple of blocks away. I had him take me to a hotel a couple of miles out of town and I got room. Once there, I broke down and cried. This was the last time I would shed any tears over her.
Once I collected myself, I left the room and went over to the liquor store next to the hotel. I grabbed a bottle of Old Fitzgerald bourbon. I figured I deserved it. Once back in my room, I cracked it open and savored its taste. 3 shots later I could feel it hitting me, so I needed to stop. I also needed to eat, so I ordered a pizza. Nothing goes better with a $2,000 bottle of bourbon than a pepperoni pizza.
Now with my belly full of hooch and food, I got to work. Based on the events I saw, this was definitely not a "one off" with these guys, especially not Mr. Tiny Pecker. So now it was time to get to work in using my computer skills to find out who these fuckers are and to see how long my fucking whoring bitch of a wife was involved with them.
Unlike in the movies and TV shows, it's not a few clicks on a keyboard and VOILÀ there's all you need to know! Nope, it takes time. A lot of time. And I needed more computing power if I was going lessen the amount of time spent doing this. Nowadays hacking into "sensitive sites" isn't easy and odds are you'll get caught. Unless you know what you're doing (which I do), but even then you run the risk. So the quicker the better. I knew I had to go into the office, but I had to wait until after everyone had gone home.
At midnight, I was sitting in my office with 3 separate laptops doing their thing. It didn't take me long to discover who Mr. Tiny Pecker was though. A certain Jon Heymerschmidt (what a fucking name). A piece of shit dirtbag who apparently lived off of daddy's money via his own trust fund. I guess Amy thought she was moving up to his lowly $4 million while not realizing that I was worth 10 times that now. (See? This is why I never tell anyone about my money!) It seems Jonny boy is into the kinky stuff. A few arrests for soliciting prostitution, no convictions or fines. A DUI here and there, same result. Oh, but there is an ex-wife who has been after him for years for back alimony. A Ms. Peggy Brennan (she took back her maiden name and I didn't blame her!). I'll contact her at some point.
As the evening wore on, I found out that Amy had been involved with this guy for a long time. Not weeks, not months, but years. 8 years to be exact. Around the time she "defrosted" and we started having sex again after finding out she was infertile. And now I was beginning to feel sick to my stomach once again. However, despite the bile attempting to force its way up and out, I forged on. By the time the clock hit 6:30 AM, I had everything I needed. I phoned my attorney and left him a voicemail to let him know I'd be there to see him at 9:00.
After shutting everything down and leaving my office, I needed to grab something to eat. Regardless of how sick I was feeling, my stomach was protesting from the lack of food. By the time I got to the diner, I was feeling better physically, but mentally I was a wreck. Her cheating and for the length of time it occurred, enforcing the pre-nup wouldn't be an issue. Boy was I stupid.
At the appointed time, I walked into my attorney's office and his receptionist let me in. Jack Blacker (yeah, he's heard all the jokes) greeted me with a hearty handshake and asked me what was up. So for the next 20 minutes I told him.
"So you see, Jack, I'm going to divorce the bitch and I'm firmly enforcing the pre-nup. She's not going to get a fucking cent from me."
Now, any other time I would have missed this, but when I mentioned the pre-nup, his eye twitched. I've played poker with the man, I know his tells. And that, my friends, was a tell. A big one.
Jack said, "Well, let's not be too hasty here, Richard. I mean, your finances are really tied together here and..."
"Cut the bullshit, Jack. I can tell you're lying."
He hemmed and hawed before saying, "Well.... ahem... Y'see.... There is no pre-nup. Not any more..."
"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN THAT THERE'S NO PRE-NUP?!?!?"
He slowly backed away from his desk to give us a bit more distance and said, "Look, it's... it's.... Aw hell. Amy got to me."
I'll never know why I didn't jump over his desk right then and there and kill him, but I let him speak, the entire time my hands were clenched in fists of rage. It seems Amy seduced him. She offered him anything and everything. She let him do whatever he wanted to her, and it was pretty vile, too. (I didn't know just how fucking perverted this asshat was.) In the end, she convinced him to erase all evidence of the pre-nup.
That. Fucking. Bitch.
I slumped in my chair and realized just how devious my oh-so-loving wife could be. I allowed my love of her to overshadow what was right there in front of me. Once again, I had underestimated her, but never again. Unfortunately for the both of them, they didn't know I still had the original in my safety deposit box. I never let anyone know about it.
After a moment or two, I stood up. When I did so, Jack pushed his chair even further back in fear. I chuckled and said, "No, my dear old friend, you're going to suffer. I'm not going to just report you to the ethics board, but I'll make you wish that you had never been born. And if you fucking let Amy know that I know, you're a dead man."
And with that, I shoved the chair I had been sitting in into his desk and I stormed out of his office and headed back to my hotel room. Once back to my room, I doubled down on my efforts to find out what else Amy has done. Now it was time to crack into all of accounts. A long time ago I had set up "backdoors" in all of her electronic devices, including the servers in her office. Until now, even with all the cheating I had uncovered, I didn't think I needed to access them. But with the attempted destruction of the pre-nup, it was now time for me to play dirty. Unlike the overnight research, this wasn't going to need to be as "delicate" as, technically, I had access already.
During my investigation into my whore of a wife, I discovered than she still didn't know anything about my off shore accounts and the full amount of my trust. All she knew was what my company made and that my supposed worth was around $4.5 million. Apparently over the years she's taken out a very large life insurance policy on me and my company. If anything happened to me, short of suicide or mur*er, she'd collect a hefty sum. Far more than what she thought I was worth.
As I dug deeper, I discovered she had a hidden email account that I nearly missed. I've got to hand it to her, she's definitely very good at being devious. This was the email account she used to connect with Jonny and, oh look, Jack! (Asshole.) I was able to recover years and years of emails. (When will people realize that just simply deleting an email doesn't fully get rid of it?) Apparently Amy was the driving force behind it all. Her supposed submission to Jonny, her going after Jack, and, shockingly, her attempt to get a controlling interest in my company. I guess she failed to realize that, even upon death, she'll never get control. And all of that was just the tip of the iceberg.
By 2:00 PM, I felt that I had gotten everything I needed to destroy her and her minions. I could go the police and Feds, but there was a chance she'd still get off scott free. I wasn't going to let that happen! Hell, I'd kill myself before.... Hey now. That's an idea.
You know the smile that the Grinch gets when he comes up with his plan? The huge smile that represents pure evil? I had that smile at that point. I now knew exactly what I was going to do and, if it went as I hoped, not only would Amy's life be utterly destroyed, but she could be in jail along with all those she's involved with.
Now against my better judgment, I decided to visit good ol' Jack again. I phoned him and told him I was coming to his office and to make sure we were 100% alone. He reluctantly agreed. Once I got there, I saw a nervous wreck of a man sitting behind his desk and half empty decanter of liquor on it. He was obviously three sheets to the wind.
I sat down and said, "Ok, Jack, here's the deal. You work with me and do exactly as I tell you to do, we'll be even. You fuck with me or lie to me or tell anyone about this, you'll live to regret it. And I mean, every fucking last unforgivable sin. Got it?"
He nodded and started in.
They say confession is good for the soul, though I doubted Jack had a soul, but I had what I needed. Before walking out the door, I warned him again to not say a thing to Amy.
I'm stupid at times, but I'm no dummy. I video recorded his entire confession. There was no way I was going to just take his word for it. So now I needed a new attorney because I wanted to draw up a new will, plus they'll need all that I had discovered. So I knew I needed one who wasn't above knocking heads together. This is when I met Helene Simon. She wasn't just a ball buster, she was THE ball buster who had a few unscrupulous clients. She was perfect.
Now her clients may have been unscrupulous, but she wasn't. She bent the law, but never broke it. I contacted her immediately after leaving Jack. I was expecting her service to answer, but she picked up. Thankfully, she was willing to meet with me that evening and she gave me her home address.
There are very few women I find stunningly attractive. Yeah, I admit it, Amy is one, but so was Helene, though in a far different way. Where Amy was short and fucking built, Helene was tall, taller than me, and lean. Long blonde hair and deep blue eyes. To me, she was just absolutely stunningly gorgeous. And when she talked, you listened.
I thanked her for seeing me on such short notice and explained to her, in great detail, what had happened and what I knew. She sat there with her eyes closed absorbing it all. Once I finished she said, "Well, just when I thought I had heard everything...."
I shrugged and gave her a smile, my first real smile in a long time!
She continued, "So, Mr. Price..."
"Please call me Richard."
"Ok, Richard, and please call me Helene... Why do you need me? You have more than enough evidence to hurt your wife financially and socially. Why come to me and instead of the police? I could handle your divorce, of course, but I will admit there are far better attorneys that could handle that."
"It's simple, I want to die and I want you to help me."
She looked at me like I just told her that she has three eyes and then she laughed. "Oh, seriously now... I'm not some hitman, nor do I know any. Well, technically I don't."
I laughed at that and said, "No, I want you to help me fake my death so I can start a new life. However, what I want done may not be entirely ethical, but I want all of those involved with my loving wife will be taken down within the constraints of the law. The only, shall we say, iffy part is I want it to look like Amy had me murdered."
"Oh really. Now why would I allow myself to be caught up in such an illegal escapade. Mind you, as an officer of the court, I should call the police right now and tell them of your plans."
I laughed again and said, "Helene, I do my research. I'm not asking you to do anything illegal, but I know that you know people who can help me. I also want you to draw up a new will, but also handle whatever fallout will occur after my 'death' as well as get me all new credentials. Overall, I really want Amy to suffer. I want those that she's been involved with to suffer as well. I want to burn the bitch and take away everything from her. I just want it to look like she did it and let the chips fall where they may. In the end, I want to burn it all down around her."
She gave me a sly smile and said, "Well now, you are a smart one. However, what you're asking of me, at least in terms of you 'dying', it just isn't something I can do. Of course, I'll handle your will, transfer of any and all assets to whomever you want, as well as everything else you need for a new life. That won't be a problem. The main thing you want, I just wish I could assist you, but legally I cannot."
I nodded my head and said, "I understa..."
"Richard, please, allow me to continue. I just wish I could do more. I wish I could tell you to contact a gentleman by the name of Ray Flash. I wish I could tell you that you could use my name and let him know that I refused to help you. I wish I could tell you that he's the right man for this job. I truly wish I could tell you all of this, but I can't. Am I clear?"
My Grinch grin came back and I said, "Crystal."
She nodded curtly and said, "Now let's talk about this will and everything that's involved with it....."
Later that evening, back in my hotel room, I finally felt a freedom that I hadn't felt in days. Now that everything was in motion legally, I finally took to closing accounts and re-opening them so that Amy couldn't get her hands on my money. I left the joint account alone, but I did move half of the money to a new account at the suggestion of Helene. I needed to make sure that it looked like I was going to divorce Amy. Including serving her. She'll be very surprised to realize that I still had a copy of the pre-nup after giving Helene the original.
I checked out the hotel the next day and headed home at my scheduled time. I had to play nice for awhile until things were put in motion. Before leaving the hotel, I did reach out to Ray Flash, thanks to the number that Helene definitely didn't give me. I left him a voicemail and asked that he please contact me.
Once back home, nothing looked out of place. If I hadn't known what had happened here a few days ago, I never would've been the wiser. After dropping off my bags in the bedroom, checking to see if there were new sheets on the bed (there were), I then decided to take a long hot shower. I missed the multi-spray while in the hotel. I just let the water cascade over me and tried to wash off all the hatred I had now. It didn't work.
As I exited the shower and entered my bedroom, my phone went off. It was Ray. I was quick and to the point. I asked him to meet me at place of his choosing and I let him know that Helene was sorry that she couldn't help. He understood. He gave me an address to a restaurant across town for 2:00. I had a couple of hours to kill. I was just hoping that I could get away before Amy got ho....
"Richard!! Sweetie! Are you home? "
Fuck.
I got dressed and went downstairs to greet the love of my life with a fake grin plastered on my face.
"Richard!!! Oh God I've missed you!"
She ran over and hugged me like there was no tomorrow. I reciprocated, barely stopping myself from throttling her.
We parted and I said, "Honey, I was only gone a few days. You act like I was gone for a year!"
"Oh I know, but I missed you so much. And so has my kitty." She gave a wink when she said that.
I silently gagged and said, "Damn, I missed that kitty, too! But I have a business appointment to get to and I have to give you a rain check."
She pouted and said, "Oh, poo. Fine. But I want attention when you get home!"
I laughed and said, "Count on it."
Crap, I didn't figure on having to actually fuck her until things were in motion, I thought.
After some small talk, I begged off and made my way to see Ray.
I arrived early, but so did Ray. He was hard to miss. He was a mountain of man with a baby face. When he stood up to shake my hand, the man towered over me. He was easily 6'9" and probably weighed 300 pounds, all of it muscle. His hand engulfed mine as we shook. If it was wasn't for the genuine smile on his face, I may have shit my pants.
We sat in the booth in the back so Ray could keep a clear sight line to the front door. He then said, "So Helene refused to help and she didn't tell you about me."
I chuckled, "Yeah she was totally worthless."
He caught the joke and laughed heartily before saying, "Ok, look, seriously, despite what I look like, I'm no killer. So if that's what you want, get your ass out. If you want someone beat up, I got names, but I don't do that shit no more. I can scare people for you, but I'm not gonna hurt 'em or do anything illegal, got it?"
I nodded and said, "Don't worry, you won't need to kill anyone. Well, you may need to sort of kill someone."
He looked at me and with a "what'chu talkin' 'bout, Willis" look and said, "Dude, fuck off. I just said I don't do this shit..."
I held up my hand and said, "Just listen to what I have to say. If you're not interested, I'll give you ten grand for your troubles. If you are, I'll open a Cayman Island account for you and deposit a million dollars into it, with an annual payment of 50 grand for the next 20 years. Deal?"
He leaned back as best as he could in the booth and said, "Talk to me."
And I did and a plan was made.
3 weeks later...
By now I was set with what was going to happen. Amy was off on another business trip, probably getting her brains fucked out by some asshole with Mr. Tiny Pecker watching. Little did she know that when she got home, she was going to be served with divorce papers at her office. Now I wasn't going to actually divorce the bitch, there was absolutely no way she was getting one red cent of my money, but I needed to make it look like I was going to it in order to give her a motive to kill me.
While she was gone, I was a very busy boy. I hired a moving company to remove everything Amy related out of my house and into a storage unit. I graciously paid for the first 6 months. I'm such a nice guy. Then I took to making sure she couldn't access a damn thing of mine. I changed the locks, the combination to alarm, changed the combination to both safes (gun and wall), added security cameras to the outside and inside of the house, and removed her access to the checking and savings accounts, despite having already moved my money. I transferred the money I felt she deserved to her private account. (Stupid bitch actually gave me the password to it.)
It was a busy 2 days, but it felt good once it was done. Amy didn't know it yet, but her life was about to head into the shitter. I cracked open a Sam Adams Utopias special blend and toasted the demise of my marriage. Beer had never tasted so good.
As per usual, whenever Amy returns from a business trip, she'd head to her office first. I knew this. Helene had set it up for the process server to greet her once Amy was in her office. I also asked that it be filmed so I could see Amy's reaction and she didn't disappoint. It was like watching a 5'1" volcano explode. I still watch that video to this day because it gives me so much joy.
Obviously my phone starting blowing up with texts from Amy. I ignored them. So then she called. A lot. I ignored those, too. I ended up getting 4 voicemails from her. She gave up eventually, but then she came home. Or rather, she arrived at my house and discovered neither her key nor her entry code worked. She started pounding on the door, screaming at me, calling me every name in the book. Meanwhile I sat in my home office watching it all unfold on my computer via the security cam. The moment she uttered those magic words, I called the police. Those words? "I'm going to fucking kill you, you asshole!!!" One item checked off.
The police arrived, they got in between her and the door, all the time she's ranting and raving. I finally opened the door and explained the situation to them, while one of them held on to her to stop her from lunging at me. Unfortunately for Amy, she inadvertently nailed one of the cops right in the balls as she tried to get to me. Oops. Jail time now.
Once she was processed and was waiting to head off to her cell, I showed up at the station and asked to speak with her. Though I was told it may not be a good idea, the officer who she nailed in the balls let me in and I sat down next to her. Thankfully, for her, she was cuffed and couldn't attack me. I sat there and smiled at her which pissed her off even more.
She started in a whisper, but got louder as she went on. "You motherfucking asshole!! Who the fuck do you think are embarrassing me like that in front of my staff?? When I get out of here, I am going to make you rue the day you fucking..."
I interrupted her and said one thing, "Jon Heymerschmidt."
The jaw drop I got was almost comical.
She stammered and said, "I...I... who is that? Jon who?"
"Oh cut the bullshit. I know. Everything."
She huffed and said, "You know jack shit, asshole."
"Funny that you should mention Jack. He broke. Told me everything. He was quite eloquent actually."
Laughing, thinking she still had the upper hand, "That weak fool. Whatever. What's done is done. I don't give a fuck what he told you. Thanks to him, your precious pre-nup is toast and I am going to fucking rake you over the coals, you pathetic excuse of a man."
I opened the manila envelope I had in my hand and said, "Oh, you mean this pre-nup? I always had a back up, just in case. My new attorney made sure it was still 100% legal and fully enforceable, especially when I provided Jack's confession that I recorded. So that coal raking won't happen, my love."
Jaw drop #2.
She attempted to say something, but I interrupted and said, "As for Mr. Tiny Pecker, you know him as 'Jon Who' it seems, I've got enough crap on him to put him in jail for the rest of his life. I emailed him everything that I know before I headed over here and told him he had an hour to get out of the country before I sent what I knew to the Feds. We'll see if he makes it or not. He's got, let's see, about 20 minutes."
Jaw drop #3.
"Oh, and I didn't forget about all your fuck buddies. Yeah, all 9 of them. I'd tell you what I'm going to do to them, but I want you to be surprised."
Now her anger really flared. "YOU FUCKING BASTARD!!! YOU WON'T FUCKING WIN! I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU AND MAKE SURE NO ONE EVER FINDS YOUR GODDAMN PATHETIC BODY!!!"
I just sat there and grinned. Not only did I have her on my video cam at home threatening to kill me, but now she screamed the threat in a police station. She was so fucked and didn't know it. But before I could offer a retort they came for to take her to jail until her arraignment, with Amy screaming at me the entire time.
I knew she'd raise bail the next day, but I didn't care. All part of the plan. Now I waited and waited and waited....
4 days of waiting and I was starting to getting a bit itchy. Something should've happened by now. Did Ray forget...? I picked up my cell to call him and then my door exploded in on me and in walked 3 extremely large masked men. What the fuck is this...? I thought. This isn't the plan, Ray.
I was about to say something, but I got smashed me in the face and I saw darkness.
When I regained consciousness, I realized I couldn't move. I also had a screaming headache and it felt like my nose was busted. Once I could see clearly again, I saw those 3 guys again, but with them was Amy. This is not how this was supposed to go...
Laughing at me, she said, "So, who's got the upper hand now, you stupid asshole? I told you that I was going to make sure no one was ever going to find your pathetic body. I decided to not rake you over the coals, but instead I'll just kill you. These fine gentlemen here are going to make that happen for me. And when they're done, I'm going to let them fuck me for an entire weekend."
I coughed and said weakly, "You won't get away with it, I..." And then she slapped me.
"SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP. God you're so fucking stupid and sad. Of course I am going to get away with it because I'll have an airtight alibi. And my friends here are getting paid a LOT of money to help me."
I was about to say something again, but one of the gorillas backhanded me and I saw stars.
I looked up and watched Amy walking away while waving goodbye. I know she said something, but my ears were ringing from the most recent blow, so I couldn't hear what she said.
As she walked out of the house, I was expecting the beating to begin, but they sat there and waited. Finally after what felt like an hour, they shot a gun a few times in the air, and moved towards me. One of them leaned in and said to me, "This is for Amy."
Then the beating began. Internally I was laughing because I remembered the sign in my office that said, "The beatings will continue until morale improves." Well, at this point, my morale was pretty much in the shitter.
I don't know how long they used my body as piñata, but they were good at their job. Hurting me just enough to not kill me, but also just enough to make me wish I was really dead. Dammit, this wasn't part of the plan! The beating went on for a very long time. No part of my body was spared, though they were careful to not break bones, but I was sure every inch of me was bruised or bloodied. Eventually one of them pulled out that gun and aimed it at me.
He cocked the hammer and said quite loudly, "Amy says, bye bitch." And he pulled the trigger and I felt like I was his with a sledgehammer. Once again darkness claimed me.
The next thing I was aware of was the sound of beeping and something that sounded like whooshing air. I slowly opened my eyes, which was not easy to do, and I was greeted with bright lights. I immediately closed them, but re-opened them when I heard a flurry of activity around me. By the way they were dressed, I could tell I was in a hospital. Somehow I survived.
The next day or so was quite painful for me. I was more battered than I thought, but I'd heal. I was wrong about no broken bones though, my left wrist was busted, but, like the bruises, it would heal. On day 3 Helene visited me to see how I was doing. I told her what had happened and gave her access to my house to collect the videos of that night. She informed me that neighbors did her the gunshots, but thought it was car backfire. Apparently someone called 911 anonymously and here I was. Unfortunately, she couldn't stay for long as she had urgent business to attend to, but she handed me my cell phone and wished me well.
After she left, I called Ray. I wanted to know what the fuck happened to the plan. I got voicemail and told him to call me immediately. Well, he never called, instead I got a visit from him later that day. He woke me up by gently shaking me. When I saw him, I tried to lunge at him, but my body failed me.
He smiled and said, "Easy. Easy. It's ok. Just chill, dude."
"Chill?? CHILL?!?!? What the fuck, Ray? I was nearly killed for real and tell me to chill?? Where were you??"
He looked wounded when I said to him. "Wow. Helene didn't...? sigh She can be such a bitch. Dude, listen, officially you're dead now. You're in a private hospital. Everyone here is sworn to secrecy and they're paid very well to keep it. As far they're concerned, you're 'John Doe'. No one here knows you. It's all because of Helene."
Now it was my turn for a jaw drop.
I was going to say something, but he stopped me and said, "Dude. I know we had a plan, but we needed to make it look real. Like really real. I'm sorry for what those guys did to you, but they're real pros and I knew they could do what needed to be done and I trusted them. Once your wife started looking for thugs to take you out, I made sure it was MY guys were the ones she hired."
I started to laugh, painfully. "Y'know, Ray, you could've clued me in."
"Dude, if I did that, your reaction to what was going on wouldn't look real. Now when the cops see the video and your wife being there. She's cooked. I know you didn't want her going to jail permanently, but when I was told what she wanted to be done to you, I went to Plan B."
"Plan B? Wait....what did she want done?"
"She wanted your balls so she could display them in a jar."
I would've done another jaw drop, but I was too sore. I finally said, "She wanted to fucking castrate me? Damn, she is fucking cold."
He chuckled, "Yeah, real cold. My guys did have some fun with her though. She really did fuck them for a whole weekend. Then she paid them. Once I paid them in full, they left the country. By the way, you owe me $250 grand extra."
I closed my eyes for a moment to think and smiled. Opening my eyes, I then said, "Ok, I can do that. So that's it? Everyone thinks I'm dead?"
He nodded his head and said, "Yep, except for me and Helene. And at 3:00 PM today you'll be cremated and your ashes will be placed in the same crypt as your parents and aunt, per your instructions, of course."
Now it was my turn to chuckle. I then held out my hand to shake his and said, "Thank you, Ray. Seriously. But if I ever need to die again, tell them not to shoot me. I'll make sure Helene gets you your money."
He laughed and said, "Deal! Good luck, Richard. I'll never see you again!"
And with that he shook my hand and walked out of the room.
After he left, I called Helene and left her a voicemail. I let her know I wasn't too happy about being kept in the dark, but I still thanked her. I found out later that Amy did appear at my memorial, crying fake tears, but then the police showed up and took her away in cuffs. It seemed as if the police received a video of my beating anonymously. Must've been the same anonymous guy who called 911....
I spent another week in the hospital. I also discovered that because of the beating, I'd need a bit of plastic surgery to correct my nose and hide the scars. In the end, my face would be slightly different, but that was a good thing as I didn't want to look like me any more. 2 months later I was visiting Helene once again. This time for something entirely different. This time it was to collect my brand new identity of "James Richards". The "James Richards" who just happened to be the heir to the Richard Price estate.
After all the legalities were taken care of, I decided it was time to leave the country for awhile. I asked Helene to handle the sale of my house and my stake in Amy's business, not that it was worth much any more. I kept my company, or rather James Richards took over ownership in it, but made sure I had the right people running it.
So for the next 3+ years I lounged and relaxed in Cabo San Lucas. Some of the time there I followed the sensational trial of one Amy Price. It seems that Amy and all her lovers were complicit in a lot of illegal stuff. Stuff I hadn't fully uncovered, but wish I had. In the end, she was convicted of mur*er one, extortion, human trafficking, prostitution, and so much more. Oh, and Mr. Tiny Pecker didn't quite make it out of the country. Nope, the Feds caught him just before boarding his plane. Once they arrested Amy, he decided to rat out on her like the little wimp I thought him to be. He didn't quite get off scott free though, he was going to serve some time, but in a nice penitentiary for a few years. Oh, and his ex finally got to him (thanks to an email I sent to her anonymously) and was now collecting all that back alimony and then some. As for Amy's lovers, I didn't give a shit. Hopefully they're all the bitches of some wonderful inmates. Once Amy was convicted, I lost interest and decided to just work on my tan.
But that brings us to present day. For the first time in nearly 4 years, I was going to set foot on US soil. For two reasons: One, to see Helene. Over the past few years we had grown quite close with her flying down to Cabo quite often to go over my business interests. This time I was coming back to US to ask her to marry me. And two, I just had to visit my lovely ex wife. Stupid, I know, but I had to let her know that I won.
When I exited the prison, I left her screaming, acting crazy, and pounding on the glass. The guards had to drag her away and, apparently, she had to be sedated. Last I heard, they're going to transfer her to psychiatric hospital. It seems she saw the ghost of her late husband. What a crazy bitch.
