Update 05
Discovering Mum Ch. 03
She was chuckling as I got out of the car, and I noticed her eyes slip to my crotch as I stood and stretched. I took my time standing there with the door open and me facing towards the car. My cock was still semi-hard, and I knew it would be outlined by the material of my pants because I could feel the pressure. I would have to adjust slightly before going inside unless I wanted to look like a complete pervert, so I decided that now was as good a time as any. I reached down and adjusted myself slowly into a somewhat more comfortable position. I pushed the material of my pants a little, highlighting the shape of my semi-rigid cock, stepped back, and closed the door. It wasn't until my door closed that she began to get out of the car herself. It was a weird but exciting moment, and I wondered if she enjoyed the show as much as I enjoyed giving it.
As I walked over to the restaurant doors, I desperately wanted to turn back and see if she was watching me walk away or if her face showed any sort of reaction, but at the same time, I didn't want her to think that I did that on purpose. Part of the thrill was having her believe that it was an unconscious act. I know that's not exactly honest of me, but that just felt like the right way to approach the whole situation.
I ordered our lunch and coffee, then paid, but she still hadn't come in. I turned and looked through the window to see where she was, and I noticed that she had now moved the car over to the far end of the car park, where there were a couple of park benches, and she was sitting at one and facing the restaurant doors. I assumed that she wanted to eat out in the sunshine. Considering it had turned out to be such a nice day, it seemed like the right thing to do.
I walked out the door, and she immediately began waving to me. Obviously, she had been watching for me to come out and hadn't realised that I had already seen where she was. I began walking across the parking lot and had a weird moment, almost an out-of-body experience, as I truly began to see her as someone other than my mother. Seeing her as a good-looking woman, the way a stranger would. The sun was shining down on her, and it made her shirt almost glow. Her hair, glowing like a halo in the sun, framed her pretty face, which had a beaming smile. Her body was obviously that of a woman and not a girl in that she had all the curves, and those curves were very appealing. Her skirt was pulled up enough to show her legs from above her knees down, and it made me want to see more. I simply could not understand how my father had lost interest in such a fine-looking woman. I know looks aren't everything, but she had a great sense of humour; she's loving, intelligent, and adventurous. What more could he possibly want?
I could feel the smile on my face and was taken aback at the realisation that it felt almost strange to be smiling, as though I was doing something wrong just by being happy. As I walked across the large parking lot, I noticed her legs were parted, and she was making a show of rummaging in her bag for something. I could see almost the whole way up her skirt, and it was very exciting to know that other people could too. I slowed down to let a car go past, and as I glanced at the driver, I could see his head swivel towards the same beautiful view that I had. He even slowed down a little to enjoy it for longer.
I made a small adjustment to the angle of my approach, and I was rewarded with a view all the way up her thighs to her panties. I took my cue from the guy that had just driven past and slowed my pace just a little to allow me to linger and watch a little more. She was still digging around in her bag for god knows what, so I felt I could really enjoy the view. Eventually, though, I could delay no more and reached the bench.
The moment I got there, she put her bag down without taking anything out of it and beamed her smile back at me. I shook my head and smiled. I had to wonder if the whole bag rummaging had been a ploy to allow me to look without feeling like she would know. Was this something she had done before, a technique in her arsenal?
I could see an inquisitive look on her face as I handed her the coffee and her lunch. She gave me a long, searching look before speaking.
"What were you shaking your head for?"
Fortunately, I had a reason that was more than just my curiosity about her motivation for digging in her bag.
"I was just thinking that I couldn't understand why any man would not be interested in a woman who was so adventurous and exciting and who was so good-looking."
I could feel myself blushing, but she was too, and I got the sense that she really enjoyed me saying this. She chuckled as she responded.
"I appreciate the vote of confidence, but there's so much more to a marriage than just those things. Besides, you're biased because I'm your mother."
I shook my head as though saying no, but I had to wait until I finished my mouthful before I responded.
"Nope. Not true. I'm not your son; we're just two good friends, remember. Besides, I walked out of that door over there, and as I walked over here, I had a moment of clarity where I saw you not as my mother but simply as a woman, a beautiful woman, as though I were seeing a stranger. You truly are a very attractive woman, and if he can't see what he has, then he's a fool. It's not just about looks, I agree, but how could anyone not see you sitting there in the sunshine with the rays of light shining off you, smiling your pretty smile, and teasing anyone going past with a glimpse of those fine legs and panties and not think? Damn!"
Her mouth dropped open in shock, and then she blushed even deeper as she laughed.
"Well, it seems I was a little less subtle than I thought; good to know. It is nice to know that someone thinks I'm attractive, though."
"Oh my god! Very. I'm not the only one, either. I had to stop and wait for a guy driving past, enjoying a long, slow look too."
She waved her hand at me as if to say, "Stop it." But I could see she was quite pleased at the same time.
I sat down next to her on the bench and began to dig into my own lunch. It was quite nice to sit quietly in each other's company, enjoying the sunshine. It was then that a question popped into my head that I just had to ask.
"So, was it as exciting as you remember, to sit here flashing again?"
She began to squirm a little, and a sly smile spread across her face.
"I have never forgotten just how exciting it was to play like that, but it's been so long that when it happens again, it's as exciting as the very first time."
She stared off into space with a wistful smile, and I watched her squirm some more as she relived some old memories. What I would give to have a window into her mind at this moment.
We sat in companionable silence while we ate our lunch and enjoyed our coffee. I wondered if she would flash anyone else while we were sitting here, but frustratingly, no one was coming by us. After a while, though, it became obvious we were stretching out the time. I picked up the rubbish and took it over to the rubbish bin, then we headed back to the car.
She threw the keys to me, which I caught mid-stride, and I unlocked the car. I sat in the driver's seat and watched as she sat down. She hitched her skirt up almost all the way into her lap and seemed to not mind in the slightest that I could easily see her shapely thighs or that I was taking my time to enjoy them.
When I took off, I tried to keep my eyes on the road as best I could, but damn, it was distracting. I once again had to adjust myself into a more comfortable position. Things had settled mostly while we ate our lunch, but here I was again with a throbbing cock and trying to adjust it without being overly obvious about it.
I found it ironic that after agreeing to be able to ask anything, I was now finding it incredibly difficult to know where to start. Questions, ideas, and erotic thoughts were circling around my brain, but my tongue seemed to be tied.
I set the cruise control and tried to be casual about readjusting my cock, but midway through, I noticed her watching very closely as I did. My initial instinct was to hide it and pretend I wasn't squeezing my cock, but another part of me wanted to open my pants and make myself extremely comfortable. I gave myself one more quick squeeze and returned my hand to the wheel. Her eyes still seemed to be glued to my crotch, and I knew my cock was standing at full attention, making a tent out of my pants.
"Are you okay there? Comfortable?"
I could feel myself blushing again and had to remind myself that, at the moment, we were just friends. Friends would tease each other about these things, surely.
"I'm a bit more comfortable now. It's not like you need to worry about getting uncomfortable in these sorts of circumstances."
She snorted a small laugh.
"Is that what you think? You think it doesn't get a little uncomfortable when everything gets wet? When you get so turned on that you are literally leaking?"
Good God! Is this how two women who are friends would talk to each other? I have only once had a conversation like this with anyone. It instantly brought to mind the memory of the time when a group of us boys had hidden behind the shed when we were just discovering these things. Tommy, a neighbourhood kid from just down the road, had a much older brother, and Tommy had found one of his brother's porn magazines. We all stood around looking at it and getting hard. Stephen, Peter's best friend, looked around the group and just blurted out that he was as hard as a nail. We all laughed, but we were in exactly the same predicament. There was a short session of show-and-tell to see who was the biggest and hardest.
It was a weird memory, and I hadn't thought about it in years, but I realised that because guys do indulge in "locker room talk," it only made sense that girls did too.
She was looking at me as though she were expecting an answer.
"Well, I guess I just never considered that it would be uncomfortable in the same way, I guess. I have nothing to compare it to. For me, it is a physical discomfort because there is literally not enough room. I guess for you it's a different type of discomfort."
She nodded as she thought about what I was saying.
"It's funny to think that I have never discussed this with another man. I think it's equally exciting and uncomfortable for both of us."
My attention was drawn back to the road as I noticed we were catching up with a slower-moving semi-trailer. I looked in the mirror, and seeing no one in the other lane, I indicated and pulled out to overtake the truck. As I began to go past, I noticed her hitch the bottom of her dress up so high now that her panties were on full display. Her thighs relaxed a little, and her legs parted.
Goddamn! I thought as I realised she was wanting to flash the truck driver. I checked the mirror again, and confirming that there was no one behind me, I moved my thumb to hover over the cancel button on the cruise control. We came alongside the cabin of the truck, and her hands went to her thighs. She began running her fingertips slowly up and down the insides of her thighs, and they parted even more. I couldn't believe what I was seeing, and I never wanted it to stop. I pressed the cancel button and used the accelerator to match the speed of the truck.
I saw her out of the corner of my eye as she quickly glanced across at me to see why I had done what I had done, but I didn't turn back to look at her directly until I saw her head turn back to the truck. I had to keep one eye on the road, of course, but watching her fingers get closer and closer to her pussy was so incredibly exciting. One of her hands reached up and moved across her breast the same way the other one was now moving across her panties. Her nipples were pushing against the material of her bra and shirt, enough to be visibly hard but not really prominent.
This went on for almost a full minute before I noticed another car had caught up to the truck and was pulling into the overtaking lane. I couldn't just stay where I was, so unfortunately, I had to put an end to the game. I accelerated again and reset the cruise control. I pulled back into the lane in front of the truck, and the car coming behind us went past. I looked into the mirror and saw the truck drifting back behind us. There was a quick flash of his lights, and I chuckled as I knew he was thanking us for a quality show.
"What are you laughing at?"
I looked across at her and noticed her dress had come back down, although not as far as it had before. I smiled at her.
"What do you think? The truck just flashed his lights to say, Thanks for the show."
She blushed a little but didn't deny it.
"You should be watching the road."
"I could see the road just fine. Besides, you know I didn't slow down for no reason. If you were going to put on a show for him, it might as well be a good one."
She laughed and gave me a gentle slap on the arm.
"I'd call you a pervert, but that would be the pot calling the kettle black. Besides, I wouldn't do that if I didn't want people to look."
I nodded along, thinking that I was more than happy to be a part of the audience. She turned in her seat again to face me, and I realised I could see more of her crotch than I ever had before. Her panties were pulled tight over her pussy, outlining the shape of her mound, and there was a small indentation between her lips. There were a couple of stray pubes that were showing out the sides of her panties, and it all just looked so damn good. She seemed to allow me a moment to look before she spoke.
"Thanks for slowing down, though; that was a lot of fun. Your father hated it when I did things like that. He would get very angry and basically wouldn't let me do that after a while. He would get so mad at me."
"Why? Didn't he find it exciting? I can't imagine that not being exciting."
"I think he felt threatened by it. It was as though he thought I was trying to find another man. I think, on some level, he felt that he wasn't exciting enough for me and that one day I would realise that and leave him. Who knows, maybe he was right all along. The stupid thing is that by fighting me on this instead of embracing it, he has all but guaranteed that I will leave. All he had to do was support me being myself, and I would have loved him all the more for it. I explained over and over that I wasn't going to leave and that he would reap the benefits of me having a little fun, but he just never got it."
I nodded as I understood what she was getting at.
"A self-fulfilling prophecy."
She looked at me with an impressed smile.
"Exactly. You get it."
"I understand your view of it, but I am struggling a bit to understand his. He already had you; he didn't have to win you over. You married him after all. If you wanted something or someone else, surely you wouldn't have agreed to marry him."
"I told him that too. Several times over the years, actually, but the older he got, the more insecure he became and the more paranoid his behaviour was. Ever since Peter blew his life up, though, it's like he has given up and doesn't even want to fight for me anymore. He completely denied there was a problem with Peter to begin with when Peter first started showing signs of drug abuse, and then when it all went pear-shaped with him, it was like the last straw. He gave up on everything. He gave up on us as a couple; he gave up on himself and anything he had ever cared about before. It's bloody sad, but he just isn't the man I married anymore. I actually think he would probably be relieved if I left him at this point."
"Don't you think he would have left if that was the way he felt?"
She laughed a small, bitter laugh.
"Do you ever remember your father ever admitting he was wrong or taking the blame for anything?"
I gave my own bitter chuckle. It was something that had become a bit of a running saga in our family. We would joke about him being the man who was never wrong, but it wasn't a funny joke. It was something that had caused a number of upsetting moments for both Peter and me.
"Well, no, but surely this isn't about taking the blame. It takes two people to make a marriage work."
"If I leave, he can lay the blame at my feet. I was the bitch who gave up on him. I was the weak one who left and didn't fight for it. I was the one who was most likely cheating all along. He can claim to be blindsided by it and be the victim. If he leaves, it will be much harder to blame me entirely."
There was a long, stretched-out silence as we both thought about this for a while. It was an insight into my dad that was new to me but at the same time not surprising. Sure, there was a part of me that understood that he never liked to be wrong, but I had never equated that to never admitting fault of any sort within their marriage. Yet, as soon as she said that, I knew she was right. I never could remember a time when he took on the responsibility of being at fault.
I know there is a lot of negative talk about him here, but the truth is, he's my father, and I have always loved him. It was the reason it was so hurtful to be pushed away and rejected by him lately. It made me angry at him, and I was also angry at him for the way he treated Mum too, but despite all this, he was still my dad. Sadly, though, those feelings were changing, and not in a positive way.
I was truly embracing the whole concept of a conversation between friends instead of a mother and son. It was refreshing to have some real talk that didn't have that undertone of authority. I genuinely felt that something deep and quite important had changed between us. I felt like I was being treated as an adult, a contemporary even, instead of a child for the first time. I felt that what I had to say was being treated with importance and value, not just being humoured. After a while, I looked across at her. And I asked her what I had wanted to know for some time now.
"So, what are you going to do about it?"
She looked at me seriously for a few moments.
"About what, exactly? There is so much going on in my head lately that I don't know what to focus on."
I nodded in understanding as I thought about everything going on. Her mother, her husband, her son, her desire to go back to past adventures, and a way of living that was more free. It's no wonder she was at her wits end.
"Well, now probably isn't the ideal time to talk about it, but it's the time we have. Besides, I want to talk to you about this as a friend first and foremost."
She smiled a watery smile and put her hand on my knee. She didn't say anything because I could see she was struggling with it, but she nodded as though to say, "Go ahead."
"This is going to sound like a cold way of looking at it, but I do think it has merit. Perhaps you could make a list of priorities. Sometimes, having it written down in front of you can make it all seem less emotional and easier to face one step at a time."
She nodded again.
"That sounds reasonable."
"For my way of thinking, perhaps you need to just prioritise the issues. Grandma needs to be priority one at the moment because it's..."
"Time sensitive?"
"Well, yeah. It also has the added benefit of giving you space between you and Dad so you can think more clearly about what you want to do there without the whole situation being in your face."
She chuckled this time.
"Look at you being all smart and adult. I'm sorry if I haven't treated you much like an adult before this. I need to change that quite a bit, I think. Today has really shown me that."
"It's okay. I get it. As for Peter, there really isn't a lot you can do about that whole scenario right now. To be honest, I think he's where he needs to be at the moment. I know you are worried about him; I am too, but he's getting the treatment he needs and drying out as well. As horrible as it is to say this, I think it's probably a good thing for him to own the things he has done. There is nothing more you can do for him at the moment. I'm not saying we should give up on him, but perhaps it's time to loosen the grip a little."
As I walked over to the restaurant doors, I desperately wanted to turn back and see if she was watching me walk away or if her face showed any sort of reaction, but at the same time, I didn't want her to think that I did that on purpose. Part of the thrill was having her believe that it was an unconscious act. I know that's not exactly honest of me, but that just felt like the right way to approach the whole situation.
I ordered our lunch and coffee, then paid, but she still hadn't come in. I turned and looked through the window to see where she was, and I noticed that she had now moved the car over to the far end of the car park, where there were a couple of park benches, and she was sitting at one and facing the restaurant doors. I assumed that she wanted to eat out in the sunshine. Considering it had turned out to be such a nice day, it seemed like the right thing to do.
I walked out the door, and she immediately began waving to me. Obviously, she had been watching for me to come out and hadn't realised that I had already seen where she was. I began walking across the parking lot and had a weird moment, almost an out-of-body experience, as I truly began to see her as someone other than my mother. Seeing her as a good-looking woman, the way a stranger would. The sun was shining down on her, and it made her shirt almost glow. Her hair, glowing like a halo in the sun, framed her pretty face, which had a beaming smile. Her body was obviously that of a woman and not a girl in that she had all the curves, and those curves were very appealing. Her skirt was pulled up enough to show her legs from above her knees down, and it made me want to see more. I simply could not understand how my father had lost interest in such a fine-looking woman. I know looks aren't everything, but she had a great sense of humour; she's loving, intelligent, and adventurous. What more could he possibly want?
I could feel the smile on my face and was taken aback at the realisation that it felt almost strange to be smiling, as though I was doing something wrong just by being happy. As I walked across the large parking lot, I noticed her legs were parted, and she was making a show of rummaging in her bag for something. I could see almost the whole way up her skirt, and it was very exciting to know that other people could too. I slowed down to let a car go past, and as I glanced at the driver, I could see his head swivel towards the same beautiful view that I had. He even slowed down a little to enjoy it for longer.
I made a small adjustment to the angle of my approach, and I was rewarded with a view all the way up her thighs to her panties. I took my cue from the guy that had just driven past and slowed my pace just a little to allow me to linger and watch a little more. She was still digging around in her bag for god knows what, so I felt I could really enjoy the view. Eventually, though, I could delay no more and reached the bench.
The moment I got there, she put her bag down without taking anything out of it and beamed her smile back at me. I shook my head and smiled. I had to wonder if the whole bag rummaging had been a ploy to allow me to look without feeling like she would know. Was this something she had done before, a technique in her arsenal?
I could see an inquisitive look on her face as I handed her the coffee and her lunch. She gave me a long, searching look before speaking.
"What were you shaking your head for?"
Fortunately, I had a reason that was more than just my curiosity about her motivation for digging in her bag.
"I was just thinking that I couldn't understand why any man would not be interested in a woman who was so adventurous and exciting and who was so good-looking."
I could feel myself blushing, but she was too, and I got the sense that she really enjoyed me saying this. She chuckled as she responded.
"I appreciate the vote of confidence, but there's so much more to a marriage than just those things. Besides, you're biased because I'm your mother."
I shook my head as though saying no, but I had to wait until I finished my mouthful before I responded.
"Nope. Not true. I'm not your son; we're just two good friends, remember. Besides, I walked out of that door over there, and as I walked over here, I had a moment of clarity where I saw you not as my mother but simply as a woman, a beautiful woman, as though I were seeing a stranger. You truly are a very attractive woman, and if he can't see what he has, then he's a fool. It's not just about looks, I agree, but how could anyone not see you sitting there in the sunshine with the rays of light shining off you, smiling your pretty smile, and teasing anyone going past with a glimpse of those fine legs and panties and not think? Damn!"
Her mouth dropped open in shock, and then she blushed even deeper as she laughed.
"Well, it seems I was a little less subtle than I thought; good to know. It is nice to know that someone thinks I'm attractive, though."
"Oh my god! Very. I'm not the only one, either. I had to stop and wait for a guy driving past, enjoying a long, slow look too."
She waved her hand at me as if to say, "Stop it." But I could see she was quite pleased at the same time.
I sat down next to her on the bench and began to dig into my own lunch. It was quite nice to sit quietly in each other's company, enjoying the sunshine. It was then that a question popped into my head that I just had to ask.
"So, was it as exciting as you remember, to sit here flashing again?"
She began to squirm a little, and a sly smile spread across her face.
"I have never forgotten just how exciting it was to play like that, but it's been so long that when it happens again, it's as exciting as the very first time."
She stared off into space with a wistful smile, and I watched her squirm some more as she relived some old memories. What I would give to have a window into her mind at this moment.
We sat in companionable silence while we ate our lunch and enjoyed our coffee. I wondered if she would flash anyone else while we were sitting here, but frustratingly, no one was coming by us. After a while, though, it became obvious we were stretching out the time. I picked up the rubbish and took it over to the rubbish bin, then we headed back to the car.
She threw the keys to me, which I caught mid-stride, and I unlocked the car. I sat in the driver's seat and watched as she sat down. She hitched her skirt up almost all the way into her lap and seemed to not mind in the slightest that I could easily see her shapely thighs or that I was taking my time to enjoy them.
When I took off, I tried to keep my eyes on the road as best I could, but damn, it was distracting. I once again had to adjust myself into a more comfortable position. Things had settled mostly while we ate our lunch, but here I was again with a throbbing cock and trying to adjust it without being overly obvious about it.
I found it ironic that after agreeing to be able to ask anything, I was now finding it incredibly difficult to know where to start. Questions, ideas, and erotic thoughts were circling around my brain, but my tongue seemed to be tied.
I set the cruise control and tried to be casual about readjusting my cock, but midway through, I noticed her watching very closely as I did. My initial instinct was to hide it and pretend I wasn't squeezing my cock, but another part of me wanted to open my pants and make myself extremely comfortable. I gave myself one more quick squeeze and returned my hand to the wheel. Her eyes still seemed to be glued to my crotch, and I knew my cock was standing at full attention, making a tent out of my pants.
"Are you okay there? Comfortable?"
I could feel myself blushing again and had to remind myself that, at the moment, we were just friends. Friends would tease each other about these things, surely.
"I'm a bit more comfortable now. It's not like you need to worry about getting uncomfortable in these sorts of circumstances."
She snorted a small laugh.
"Is that what you think? You think it doesn't get a little uncomfortable when everything gets wet? When you get so turned on that you are literally leaking?"
Good God! Is this how two women who are friends would talk to each other? I have only once had a conversation like this with anyone. It instantly brought to mind the memory of the time when a group of us boys had hidden behind the shed when we were just discovering these things. Tommy, a neighbourhood kid from just down the road, had a much older brother, and Tommy had found one of his brother's porn magazines. We all stood around looking at it and getting hard. Stephen, Peter's best friend, looked around the group and just blurted out that he was as hard as a nail. We all laughed, but we were in exactly the same predicament. There was a short session of show-and-tell to see who was the biggest and hardest.
It was a weird memory, and I hadn't thought about it in years, but I realised that because guys do indulge in "locker room talk," it only made sense that girls did too.
She was looking at me as though she were expecting an answer.
"Well, I guess I just never considered that it would be uncomfortable in the same way, I guess. I have nothing to compare it to. For me, it is a physical discomfort because there is literally not enough room. I guess for you it's a different type of discomfort."
She nodded as she thought about what I was saying.
"It's funny to think that I have never discussed this with another man. I think it's equally exciting and uncomfortable for both of us."
My attention was drawn back to the road as I noticed we were catching up with a slower-moving semi-trailer. I looked in the mirror, and seeing no one in the other lane, I indicated and pulled out to overtake the truck. As I began to go past, I noticed her hitch the bottom of her dress up so high now that her panties were on full display. Her thighs relaxed a little, and her legs parted.
Goddamn! I thought as I realised she was wanting to flash the truck driver. I checked the mirror again, and confirming that there was no one behind me, I moved my thumb to hover over the cancel button on the cruise control. We came alongside the cabin of the truck, and her hands went to her thighs. She began running her fingertips slowly up and down the insides of her thighs, and they parted even more. I couldn't believe what I was seeing, and I never wanted it to stop. I pressed the cancel button and used the accelerator to match the speed of the truck.
I saw her out of the corner of my eye as she quickly glanced across at me to see why I had done what I had done, but I didn't turn back to look at her directly until I saw her head turn back to the truck. I had to keep one eye on the road, of course, but watching her fingers get closer and closer to her pussy was so incredibly exciting. One of her hands reached up and moved across her breast the same way the other one was now moving across her panties. Her nipples were pushing against the material of her bra and shirt, enough to be visibly hard but not really prominent.
This went on for almost a full minute before I noticed another car had caught up to the truck and was pulling into the overtaking lane. I couldn't just stay where I was, so unfortunately, I had to put an end to the game. I accelerated again and reset the cruise control. I pulled back into the lane in front of the truck, and the car coming behind us went past. I looked into the mirror and saw the truck drifting back behind us. There was a quick flash of his lights, and I chuckled as I knew he was thanking us for a quality show.
"What are you laughing at?"
I looked across at her and noticed her dress had come back down, although not as far as it had before. I smiled at her.
"What do you think? The truck just flashed his lights to say, Thanks for the show."
She blushed a little but didn't deny it.
"You should be watching the road."
"I could see the road just fine. Besides, you know I didn't slow down for no reason. If you were going to put on a show for him, it might as well be a good one."
She laughed and gave me a gentle slap on the arm.
"I'd call you a pervert, but that would be the pot calling the kettle black. Besides, I wouldn't do that if I didn't want people to look."
I nodded along, thinking that I was more than happy to be a part of the audience. She turned in her seat again to face me, and I realised I could see more of her crotch than I ever had before. Her panties were pulled tight over her pussy, outlining the shape of her mound, and there was a small indentation between her lips. There were a couple of stray pubes that were showing out the sides of her panties, and it all just looked so damn good. She seemed to allow me a moment to look before she spoke.
"Thanks for slowing down, though; that was a lot of fun. Your father hated it when I did things like that. He would get very angry and basically wouldn't let me do that after a while. He would get so mad at me."
"Why? Didn't he find it exciting? I can't imagine that not being exciting."
"I think he felt threatened by it. It was as though he thought I was trying to find another man. I think, on some level, he felt that he wasn't exciting enough for me and that one day I would realise that and leave him. Who knows, maybe he was right all along. The stupid thing is that by fighting me on this instead of embracing it, he has all but guaranteed that I will leave. All he had to do was support me being myself, and I would have loved him all the more for it. I explained over and over that I wasn't going to leave and that he would reap the benefits of me having a little fun, but he just never got it."
I nodded as I understood what she was getting at.
"A self-fulfilling prophecy."
She looked at me with an impressed smile.
"Exactly. You get it."
"I understand your view of it, but I am struggling a bit to understand his. He already had you; he didn't have to win you over. You married him after all. If you wanted something or someone else, surely you wouldn't have agreed to marry him."
"I told him that too. Several times over the years, actually, but the older he got, the more insecure he became and the more paranoid his behaviour was. Ever since Peter blew his life up, though, it's like he has given up and doesn't even want to fight for me anymore. He completely denied there was a problem with Peter to begin with when Peter first started showing signs of drug abuse, and then when it all went pear-shaped with him, it was like the last straw. He gave up on everything. He gave up on us as a couple; he gave up on himself and anything he had ever cared about before. It's bloody sad, but he just isn't the man I married anymore. I actually think he would probably be relieved if I left him at this point."
"Don't you think he would have left if that was the way he felt?"
She laughed a small, bitter laugh.
"Do you ever remember your father ever admitting he was wrong or taking the blame for anything?"
I gave my own bitter chuckle. It was something that had become a bit of a running saga in our family. We would joke about him being the man who was never wrong, but it wasn't a funny joke. It was something that had caused a number of upsetting moments for both Peter and me.
"Well, no, but surely this isn't about taking the blame. It takes two people to make a marriage work."
"If I leave, he can lay the blame at my feet. I was the bitch who gave up on him. I was the weak one who left and didn't fight for it. I was the one who was most likely cheating all along. He can claim to be blindsided by it and be the victim. If he leaves, it will be much harder to blame me entirely."
There was a long, stretched-out silence as we both thought about this for a while. It was an insight into my dad that was new to me but at the same time not surprising. Sure, there was a part of me that understood that he never liked to be wrong, but I had never equated that to never admitting fault of any sort within their marriage. Yet, as soon as she said that, I knew she was right. I never could remember a time when he took on the responsibility of being at fault.
I know there is a lot of negative talk about him here, but the truth is, he's my father, and I have always loved him. It was the reason it was so hurtful to be pushed away and rejected by him lately. It made me angry at him, and I was also angry at him for the way he treated Mum too, but despite all this, he was still my dad. Sadly, though, those feelings were changing, and not in a positive way.
I was truly embracing the whole concept of a conversation between friends instead of a mother and son. It was refreshing to have some real talk that didn't have that undertone of authority. I genuinely felt that something deep and quite important had changed between us. I felt like I was being treated as an adult, a contemporary even, instead of a child for the first time. I felt that what I had to say was being treated with importance and value, not just being humoured. After a while, I looked across at her. And I asked her what I had wanted to know for some time now.
"So, what are you going to do about it?"
She looked at me seriously for a few moments.
"About what, exactly? There is so much going on in my head lately that I don't know what to focus on."
I nodded in understanding as I thought about everything going on. Her mother, her husband, her son, her desire to go back to past adventures, and a way of living that was more free. It's no wonder she was at her wits end.
"Well, now probably isn't the ideal time to talk about it, but it's the time we have. Besides, I want to talk to you about this as a friend first and foremost."
She smiled a watery smile and put her hand on my knee. She didn't say anything because I could see she was struggling with it, but she nodded as though to say, "Go ahead."
"This is going to sound like a cold way of looking at it, but I do think it has merit. Perhaps you could make a list of priorities. Sometimes, having it written down in front of you can make it all seem less emotional and easier to face one step at a time."
She nodded again.
"That sounds reasonable."
"For my way of thinking, perhaps you need to just prioritise the issues. Grandma needs to be priority one at the moment because it's..."
"Time sensitive?"
"Well, yeah. It also has the added benefit of giving you space between you and Dad so you can think more clearly about what you want to do there without the whole situation being in your face."
She chuckled this time.
"Look at you being all smart and adult. I'm sorry if I haven't treated you much like an adult before this. I need to change that quite a bit, I think. Today has really shown me that."
"It's okay. I get it. As for Peter, there really isn't a lot you can do about that whole scenario right now. To be honest, I think he's where he needs to be at the moment. I know you are worried about him; I am too, but he's getting the treatment he needs and drying out as well. As horrible as it is to say this, I think it's probably a good thing for him to own the things he has done. There is nothing more you can do for him at the moment. I'm not saying we should give up on him, but perhaps it's time to loosen the grip a little."
