Incest/Taboo Discovering Mum

We spent the first four hours driving and talking about anything and everything. The main subjects covered, though, were the situation with Granny and what needed to be done for her. We also discussed how Mum would or should approach Dad about the divorce. I had absolutely no idea how he was going to respond, but I was nervous because of his anger and volatility lately. Mum seemed to think he would take it better than that because she believed this was ultimately what he wanted too; he would just never admit to being wrong. We came up with a plan that sort of worked for all concerned and covered several, if not all, bases.

She would contact him in the morning and arrange to meet him somewhere. Meanwhile, I would head to the house once we knew for sure he was at work or with her. While I waited for a message from Mum, I would pack my stuff and load what I could in the trailer and car. At the end of the day, regardless of what happened, as far as he was concerned, I was moving out. So, this wasn't unreasonable.

If he took the news badly, she would send me a message, and I would hurriedly grab the things that she had written a list of that she really wanted and then get out of there. The rest was just "stuff" that she could live without if she had to.

If he took it well and agreed to her terms, then she would catch a taxi home and help me load the rest of her things into the trailer. I was hopeful of the latter outcome but not really expectant of it. The whole thing made me bloody nervous, but I think it was the only way we were going to make it work.

We had just stopped for fuel after the first two hours and were about to take off when Mum's phone rang. When she answered, it was a recorded message from the department of corrections asking if she would accept a reverse charge call from Peter. She immediately stopped the car; thankfully, we hadn't left the car park yet.

I felt weirdly nervous and excited. I had only had one chance to talk to Peter since he had been incarcerated. I also felt a bit guilty that I would be interrupting Mum's time with him.

"Yes, yes, oh my God, yes."

The line went fuzzy for a moment, then Peter's voice came through loud and clear on the speakers.

"Hello? Mum?"

"Peter! Oh my god, Peter. It's so good to hear from you. How are you doing? Are you safe? Are you alright? What's happening?"

Peter laughed at her enthusiasm, and it was so good to hear that sound.

"Calm down, Mum. I'm okay. They only give us ten minutes for these calls, so you need to listen first, okay?"

"Okay, I'm sorry."

Again, he chuckled.

"It's okay. I'm excited to talk to you too."

Just then a large road train went by on the highway right next to us. It banged and crashed as the empty trailers rattled past us, and for a moment, we couldn't hear anything.

"What the hell was that?"

"Road train."

I called out, simultaneously letting him know what it was and that I was here for the conversation as well.

"Hey, bro. It's so good to hear you too."

"Likewise. I miss you, man."

There was a moment of silence, then he went back into his spiel.

"Look, I have to make this pretty quick. At the moment I will only be able to talk to you once a fortnight for the next couple of months. After that, if I behave, which I have every intention of doing, I will be able to call you once a week. I tried to call home, but no one was answering the phone, so I called your mobile. Where's Dad?"

"At the moment I have no idea. We are currently near Granny's place. She's very ill. I'm sorry to tell you like this, but she has cancer, and I don't think she has all that long."

"Oh, shit. I'm so sorry, Mum. I'm sorry I can't be there for you."

"It's okay, Pete. There's really nothing you could do anyway. We're all feeling kind of useless at the moment."

"I know, I just feel like I have let you all down so much."

"Look, to be honest, the only person you have let down is yourself. I just want you to focus on getting better and looking after yourself. Hopefully it won't be all that long before they let us come and visit."

"Yeah, I would love to see you all again. Listen... Ahh, this is kind of awkward, and I wasn't going to say anything, but seeing as Dad isn't with you, I guess now is the best time to ask."

I felt myself grow still and tense as though bracing for more bad news. It had become second nature recently.

"What is it, Peter?"

"Umm. What's happening with you and Dad?"

I could see that Mum was having the same reaction I was. I know this isn't how she wanted to tell Peter about the impending divorce, but the cat seems to find its way out of the bag surprisingly easy.

"What do you mean?"

"Well. It's pretty obvious things aren't good there, and I know a lot of it is my fault. I may have been out of my mind a lot of the time recently, but even I was aware of something going on. Is this about Tracy?"

My first thought was, "Who the fuck is Tracy?" But as soon as I thought it, I realised that I knew who Tracy was. Tracy is the woman at Dad's work who works in the office. From the way Dad had spoken about her, she was more or less the liaison between the higher-ups and the rest of the staff. She did a lot of the delegating of jobs, and when the bosses said jump, it was Tracy who told the appropriate people to jump and how high. The impression I got from Dad was that he didn't like her all that much but tolerated her because he wanted to keep his job. He had mentioned a few times that he felt that one of his bosses had more than her ear.

I could see Mum trying to put two and two together and kept coming up with seven.

"Tracy? The bimbo from Dad's work?"

"Yeah."

"What's she got to do with anything?"

My brain was kicking into gear, and as much as I couldn't believe it, I began to suspect where this was going.

"Did you not notice the way she was hanging around during the court case? I noticed her there after court a couple of times, and when you went back to work, she would wait for you to go and then step forward to be all chatty with Dad. I asked him about it once, and he said something about his bosses checking in on him to make sure he was okay and that he would be coming back to work, but I don't know. It just seemed like more than that."

Surprisingly to both Peter and me, she laughed.

"You think they're fucking?"

"Wow! Mum, I don't know. Look, I'm probably just seeing something that isn't there. Just forget I said anything. Just, I don't know, maybe just watch out for her."

She let out a big sigh then, and I reached across and held her hand. She looked at me with gratitude and smiled a sad smile.

"Peter, this isn't the way I wanted to tell you, but I guess it doesn't really matter if he is fucking that bimbo. I'm going to get a divorce from your dad."

"Oh! Um, shit. Okay. Are you alright?"

"I'm fine. I'm sad that I had to tell you like this, but it has been coming for a long time. Jeff has copped a lot from him, and he has gotten a lot worse since you went... Well, since you went away."

"Fuck. Are you alright, Jeff?"

"I'm fine, Pete. I just want to be here with Mum and make sure she's being looked

after."

"Thanks, Jeff. I'm sorry I have let you all down so much. I should be there for you both as well."

"Stop it. We'll be fine. Now that things are in motion to make a change, we'll be much better."

Mum squeezed my fingers, and at that moment we heard a chiming sound on the phone, and that automated voice came back announcing we had one minute left. Mum took the opportunity to speak quickly.

"Peter, I want you to focus on yourself. Don't worry about us; we'll be fine. I love you."

"I love you guys too. I miss you."

"We miss you too."

A few seconds of silence passed, then the voice was back, telling us that the call was over, which was followed by the beeps of a disconnected call. We both sat there in silence as we tried to absorb everything that we had just heard. I was feeling so conflicted, and I had a myriad of emotions all fighting for dominance within me. I looked across at Mum, and I could see that she too was trying to wrap her mind around it all. She turned to me and just stared at me for a few moments.

"What the fuck?"

"Yeah, that about sums it up for me too."

"No. Really. I mean, what the actual fuck?"

I could see the anger, the frustration, and the betrayal all arguing with her guilt, relief, and sense of bemusement. She stared out the windscreen for a few moments before I touched her leg. She looked back at me again.

"Are you okay?"

She laughed a little and shook her head.

"I have no idea. I think so, but I'm bloody confused about how to feel about all of this."

I nodded and understood her confused feelings because I was feeling them too.

"I think the important thing to remember here is that, ultimately, it doesn't matter."

Initially there was a flash of anger and indignation on her face, but then she wrinkled her brow in confusion for a moment before nodding in agreement.

"I guess."

"Well, does it change anything about the result you are after?"

"No, not really."

"And we don't even know if anything has actually happened between them. Maybe it is just some flirting, or maybe they've been at it for months. Who knows? In the end it all amounts to the same thing, really."

"True."

She sighed, put the car into gear, and took off down the road. We drove in silence for quite a while, both of us lost in thought. I felt like my brain was a whirlpool. The same thoughts kept circling around, dipping below the surface, allowing me to focus on one for only a few moments before it got sucked under and another one bobbed to the surface. I would grasp at it and try to focus on it, but then it too got sucked under. It was frustrating to the point where, without thinking, I balled my fist up and hit myself in the thigh.

This seemed to shake both of us out of our reveries. Mum looked across at me with a look of concern.

"Are you alright?"

I sighed, angry at myself for letting my emotions get the better of me.

"Yeah, I am just frustrated and angry, and I can't seem to focus on a problem long enough to try and solve it."

She nodded with understanding.

"I'm hearing you. I'm feeling pretty pissed off myself. Do you want to talk it through?"

I got the impression that she really wanted to talk through her emotions about it, which I was more than willing to do. At the same time, I didn't really feel like talking about my own thoughts. At this point I just wanted them to go away and leave me alone. I also knew they weren't going to do that just because I wanted them to. I sighed again.

"Yeah, I guess."

She smiled and shook her head.

"Don't be too enthusiastic about it. You don't want to hurt yourself."

I smiled and knew I was being petulant.

"Sorry, it's just left me feeling very frustrated. I don't even know where to start. What's the thing that's bothering you the most?"

I figured by getting her talking it might help both of us. I wasn't just avoiding things by saying I didn't know where to start; that whirlpool was still sloshing away, and I couldn't seem to grasp any of the thoughts floating by.

"I guess it's the not knowing. I keep swinging back and forth between believing that he was cheating and being annoyed about it, then going back to not even knowing if he has been."

"I'm not sure how we can possibly know one way or another, short of one of them telling you that they were, which they are not going to do."

"I know. It's so frustrating. I mean, I don't even really care if he was. Is that wrong?"

"No, I don't think so. I think it just tells you that the relationship was already beyond saving."

"Most women would be furious that their husband had touched another woman and then come home to her, but we haven't had any form of intimacy in years. It's almost a relief to think that he was happy getting it elsewhere, but if he had just told me, I would have been free to pursue my own life. Why would he hang on so tight to me if he didn't want me at all? But then I circle back to the fact that I have no proof that he has actually done anything at all."

I had been having similar thoughts, and I had also had the thought that I was glad that it had worked out this way. I would never say this to her, but I had to wonder if he had ended it sooner, would I have had this trip with her? Would we have had these discussions or these experiences? Would I have gotten to know her the way I have in the last couple of days? I sincerely doubted it. She would have found someone else, probably someone far more acceptable, to share these experiences with. Just the thought of it made a flush of jealousy run through my system like poison, and I felt my fist clench again. At the same time, she was right. If he had been cheating, he had also been extremely selfish about it. He could have let her go and had his new lover in peace. It was cruel and unfair.

A thought popped into my head then, and I couldn't help but smile.

"Mum? How much do you trust Cindy?"

She looked confused.

"Cindy from work?"

I nodded.

"You seem to talk to her a fair bit; I know you used to come home and talk about how you two had been chatting about things. Do you think she would keep something to herself, or would she gossip? Is she someone you trust with something delicate?"

"I think I could trust her. Yeah, Cindy would keep something to herself for a while if I asked her to. Why?"

"Do you think she would be willing to drive past our place and see if there are any cars there?"

"She might, but surely he wouldn't have her drive over and stay."

"Not if he thought he was going to be caught, but he thinks we're still at Granny's."

She nodded and smiled as she thought about it.

"Maybe. It probably couldn't hurt to ask her to have a quick look. Worst case scenario, she says no."

She looked at the clock. It had just gone half past seven in the evening.

She got me to dial her number from the memory in her phone and put it on speakerphone.

They went through the initial niceties, and I could tell that Cindy was curious as to why she was being called. I could also tell that Mum was struggling to get to the point, and I realised she was embarrassed. Eventually she started circling around the point.

"Cindy, I'm sorry for calling you this late, but I needed to talk to someone."

"Oh no, is it your Mum?"

"No, well, sort of. Shit, there's a lot going on, and I kind of wanted to give you a heads up."

"Oh, okay."

She sounded confused but glad to be getting to the point.

"Mum's very sick, and the reality is she isn't going to get better. I don't know how much longer she has, but I want to spend what time we have left together."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Beth."

"It's okay; it happens to us all in the end, I suppose, but that doesn't make it any easier."

"No."

"The thing is, there are some other things going on as well, and I am considering staying up here, even after."

"Oh, wow. Have you talked to work about that yet?"

"No. Actually, you're the first, so I would appreciate it if you could keep it to yourself for the next day or so."

"Oh, of course. Is Darren and Jeff up there too? I'm surprised Darren would be willing to move back up there."

"Well, that's actually a big part of why I wanted to talk to you. Jeff is with me, but Darren is still there. Um. I know this is awkward, but I'm going to go it alone from here on. I don't want Darren to join me up here."

There was a long pause as she absorbed what was being said.

"Oh. Oh, shit! You're leaving Darren?"

"Yeah. I mean, you know things haven't been good between us for some time, and it got a lot worse with Peter. I've just had enough, and I think I deserve better."

"Oh... Of course you do. You know what? Good for you, girl. I have to say that work is going to suck without you there, though."

Mum smiled and nodded.

"I will miss you too. I promise I will see you before I go for good, though."

"You better."

They both chuckled, and I could tell that some of the nervousness Mum was feeling began to lift.

"I'm sorry to ask this of you, but can I ask a small favour?"

"Sure."

"Would it be a pain for you to go out in your car for a few minutes?"

"Honey, I am out in my car at all hours. I have to pick the kids up from basketball in just under an hour. What do you need?"

"This is going to sound weird, but I have reason to believe there might be someone at my place that shouldn't be. Is there any chance you could swing past and have a look, just to see if there are any cars in the driveway?"

"Oh. Oh, shit! Is Darren having an affair?"

"Honestly, I don't know, but I have just got some information that suggests that he might be. That's not why I'm leaving, but if he is, it will just make it that little bit easier if you get what I mean."

"Oh, don't you worry, hon. If there's something to see, I'll see it. I'm on it."

Mum laughed.

"If I didn't know better, I would say you're actually excited about this."

They both laughed.

"I am. No offence, Beth, but I never liked that man, and I always thought you deserved better. If I can catch him doing the dirty, then I will."

"I'm not asking you to peep through windows here."

"Ohh."

She sounded like a petulant child that wasn't getting her way, and they both got the giggles.

"You need a hobby, girl."

"Hey, you know how boring it can get running around for everyone else all the time. Something to spice things up is exactly what I need."

"Just be safe; don't go getting arrested."

"Gee, when did you turn into a spoilsport?"

They ended the conversation after Cindy promised to get back to her as soon as she knew something and also after another promise of keeping it to herself had been extracted.

"She was a little more into the idea than I expected."

Mum started laughing again.

"A bit too much into the idea, I think. I hope she doesn't do anything silly and get caught."

"God. Can you imagine trying to explain that one?"

We both had a chuckle as we imagined her snooping around the house. It was nearly half an hour later before we heard anything back. I still had her phone in my hand, so I felt it when it vibrated with an incoming message. I told her she had a message, not wanting to just open her phone without permission.

"Well, open it up. Whose is it from?"

She sounded impatient, as though she needed to know right this instant. I fiddled around with it and saw that the message was from Cindy. Mum insisted that I read it straight away. As soon as I saw the way it was written, I laughed. She was clearly very into this.

"Status update: First drive-by showed nothing. No cars and no lights on, but it's still fairly light here. If perpetrators are there, they are low-key."

I was still laughing as I read it out when a second text arrived.

"Status update: The second drive-by was more fruitful. I did a second lap of the block with several false turns and turning back on myself to make sure I wasn't being tailed. This time I was coming down the road, looking all innocent, when I saw his car turn into the street. I kept driving at the same speed and didn't turn my head. I doubt he knew it was me because of the fedora and the false moustache I was wearing. There was, however, a red sports car that turned into the street just after him. Could be coincidence, but the driver was definitely a mutton dressed as a lamb. Too dangerous to do a third drive by now. If I get caught, I would have to swallow the cyanide pill, and then no one would be available to pick up the kids from basketball."

I couldn't stop laughing as I read it out to Mum, who was grinning but shaking her head as though Cindy had lost her mind.

"What the fuck is going on with Cindy? You never mentioned she was hilarious."