Incest/Taboo Discovering Mum

"Wow! That is truly fucked up. I don't know what to say."

Susie smiled and reached across the table to hold Mum's hand.

"I never told you just how bad he was, Beth, because I knew you wouldn't be able to leave it alone. You and your Mum would have come down on them like wailing banshees and kidnapped me out of there, and that would have just made things worse. I know it would be for all the right reasons, but I also knew how well he could talk to officials and people in power. He would have had me back home by the end of the day, and I would never have seen you again. I couldn't take that chance back then. You were the only sane thing I had in my life."

Mum bowed her head, and I watched as a single tear fell from the end of her nose onto the table.

"And I left you to it when Darren moved me away. I could have, should have said no, but I had no idea. How does someone's best friend know so little about them? I feel so ashamed, and I am more sorry than you can ever know."

"Hush, Beth. You didn't know because I didn't tell you, and I was exceptionally good at compartmentalising my life. Home was home, and I spent as little time as I could there. I spent as much time as I could with you or at school, and I kept the things I liked to do separate from all of that. There's a reason the school never caught on about me, and it's the same reason that my parents didn't know the things I liked to do or any of the things that we liked doing. I honestly believe that he would have ended my life if he knew the things I was doing. It was fine for him to be out fucking all those timid little church wives, but if he had a clue how many cocks I had sucked throughout the years, he would have felt justified in crucifying me, perhaps even literally. It has taken me years to break down those walls so that I am not so compartmentalised now."

Mum was shaking her head like it was the wildest story she had ever heard, but the look on her face said she believed it completely.

"So, how did it come about that you are talking to your Mum now?"

Susie chuckled.

"It's not like we are best friends or anything, but it's a work in progress. I was way out in the middle of nowhere, on the opposite side of the country, miles from the nearest town, and I was sitting in my bus with the windows open, enjoying the breeze off the ocean. I had the place to myself, but it was one of those free camping spots, so you never know who's going to come along. It was a beautiful evening, and I needed to cook myself some dinner, so I took my little barbecue outside and started cooking when I heard another car with a van pull up.

I was a bit bummed because it was an absolutely beautiful spot, and I had it all to myself up until then. I just ignored them as they puttered around setting their van up. Some people are really sociable when they are travelling, and some like to keep to themselves, so I just left them alone. I was sitting in my chair and enjoying the sunset over the ocean while I had a glass of wine, and I heard the crunch of feet as they walked over towards my bus. Normally I don't mind it that much when new neighbours stop by to say hello, but I wasn't in the mood that night. However, when they walked around the corner, I realised there was something vaguely familiar about them.

We exchanged the usual pleasantries, but the whole time I was trying to place where I had met them before. The thing with travelling so much is that you meet a lot of people, some of them in multiple places, but most of them only for a couple of days, then one or the other moves on. Then, all of a sudden, it hit me. It was my mum's sister and brother-in-law. I hadn't seen them since I was a young teen, so probably twenty-five to thirty years, which is why it took so long to figure it out. I could see that they were going through the same feeling, especially when I told them my name. The moment it clicked into place, I leapt to my feet in surprise.

I don't know who was more surprised by the coincidence, them or me. There was a moment of awkwardness as we each went through the emotion of realising that neither of us had made much of an attempt to check in on each other over the years.

My aunt then said something that threw me for a moment. She told me that she had heard about my dad in a way that made me think something major had happened, but she was unsure how I would feel about it. In my mind, I was wondering what thing she was talking about. The fact that he was a lying, cheating, misogynist? The fact that I had been banished from home and never to return? The fact that he had been run out of multiple towns, dragging us through the mud in the process? Or was this some new horror he had committed?

I went and got a couple more chairs from the bus along with another bottle of wine and some glasses. I looked at them both seriously and explained that to get through what I was about to tell them we needed the wine. They both chuckled as though it was a joke, but there was an undercurrent of nervousness to it as well. I poured them each a glass and asked what fresh horror he had inflicted upon Mum. They both looked shocked at first, and they were looking at each other as though asking what can of worms they had opened.

Understanding dawned on me that they had no real idea about him. That Mum hadn't told them any of it was becoming quite clear. Eventually, my aunt spoke quite softly and told me in what I am sure she thought was a soft, gentle, and caring way that he had passed away. When I just nodded and said, "Okay, good." They seemed appalled.

We ended up sitting and talking for most of the night as I explained the truth about my father. I left out nothing because these people had no idea who he was or the things he had done. They began to get an understanding of why they hadn't been in touch very much and that my father had essentially separated my mother from the rest of her family to help preserve the secret life he had cultivated. We polished off a few bottles of wine that night.

My mother had been in touch with them more often since the funeral, and she had explained to them that I was travelling and that she hadn't been able to get in touch with me, although she didn't tell them that it had been over a year since either of us had spoken to each other. It probably didn't help that, although I had a mobile phone, I rarely turned it on, and I had changed my number since I had last spoken to her anyway.

Before we went our separate ways, I got her number from them and promised that I would call her soon. Much like a lot of outback Australia and along the west coast, we were in a mobile black spot where we were staying, which, to be honest, I found quite convenient.

Two days later I drove into town, and after a lot of soul searching and building up of courage, I decided it was time I called her. It was during that conversation that she told me that she had heard that your Mum was very sick and that you had returned home. Nothing else could have caused me to drive across this country as quickly as I could to be here."

"I am so glad that you did."

"Don't get me wrong; I was nervous because I had no idea whether you would be happy to see me or not. It would have broken my heart if you hadn't wanted to see me. I'm kind of glad that I got to talk to your Mum first, though. She helped settle my fears and to be honest, I hadn't realised just how much I had missed her as well. So many of my favourite memories from those years involve her as well. Not for the same reasons, obviously, but I think she knew a lot more than she ever let on. She made it possible for us to be alone at times when we needed it that a lot of other parents wouldn't have."

Mum smiled and nodded.

"She always seems to know more than she lets on."

Susie eyed her curiously, then swung a finger between Mum and me.

"Do you think she knows about...?"

"Oh, God no, and I want to keep it that way."

I cleared my throat, and both of them looked at me.

"That may not be entirely true."

Both women had an identical look on their faces that was a combination of "Don't be ridiculous" and "Oh, fuck!"

"We had a conversation the other day that makes me think that she might have an inkling."

There was a long silence that seemed to be brittle with panic. Mum's eyes had grown wider, and although no one was within hearing range, she leaned forward and whispered.

"Why didn't you say something? What did she say?"

"I didn't say anything because she didn't seem too concerned about the idea, and she didn't say anything directly, but she did tell me a story about her cousin, Richard."

An unexpected smile went across Mum's face.

"I remember him. He used to come and visit every now and then when I was a kid. He was always really nice and used to take us all out for picnics and to the zoo and things like that. I haven't seen him for years. Wait... Do you mean to tell me that Mum and Richard had an affair?"

The look on her face was a picture of confusion if ever there was one. I could see her adding two and two together, viewing all the subtle little hints that, viewed from an adult's perspective, give a whole new meaning to things.

I went through the story that Granny had told me as best as I could remember, trying to get all the details right. Mum was completely blown away by what I had told her, and I could see her struggling to wrap her head around it all. Eventually, she shook her head as though accepting the fact that she didn't have all the information and she might never really understand. Then she looked at me seriously.

"We have to let him know what's going on with Granny; he will want to know, surely."

I smiled and nodded as I held up my phone.

"Already done. I'm just waiting on a call from him to let me know if he's coming or not."

"Oh my god. Why didn't you tell me?"

"Well, with everything that's been going on, we have both been more than a bit distracted, and I couldn't talk to you about it at first, then we got so busy there wasn't a convenient moment, and when there was, I forgot."

"Why couldn't you talk to me about it?"

"Mum, you were out at the solicitors when Granny told me about it, and then as soon as you got back, everything went into motion to rush back. Then we got the call from Peter, and that took precedence over everything. Then we had all the craziness and then the rush to get back. And, well, now we're here. It's been a crazy week."

She nodded, and I could tell she was agreeing with me, but at the same time, I sensed a little disappointment that she was hearing it second-hand from me rather than from her mother. I reached over and took her hand in mine and looked into her eyes.

"I'm sorry, I should have told you earlier."

She smiled, and I could see a small blush start to spread up her throat as she once again looked at me like she wanted to eat me up. Her gaze grew more intense, and I knew on some level we were beginning to lean into each other until there was a clearing of the throat from across the table. We both reacted like naughty children having been caught doing something naughty. I looked at Susie, who had a look that said so much. Be careful. Damn, this is hot. I want you to stop, but at the same time, I don't.

I could feel my face heating up as I looked around the room to see if anyone was paying any attention to us. Thankfully, everyone else seemed to be focused on their own conversations.

Susie sat back and then seemed to make a decision.

"Come on, you two. I think it's time to get out of here."​