I've heard about a guy who arrived home from work early only to find his wife in bed with some random dude. I've even heard of a guy that found his wife in bed with a stranger at a neighborhood barbecue. One friend of my buddy's decided to pick up his wife at work and take her to lunch, only to catch her blowing her boss in the bathroom. Predictably, all of these disclosures resulted in divorces.
It never occurred to me that buying new tires two weeks ago would lead to my personal hell of discovery. All I wanted was to replace all four tires on my wife's Camry. As I have repeatedly discovered over the years, nothing is simple. It turns out that once the wheels were off; the mechanics realized that my brakes needed work.
That, in turn, led to me having to sit in the waiting area for an hour and a half. First, I read the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition. Then I read it again. Christy Brinkley is amazing and I'd totally do her daughters, but I could look at Kate Upton all day. That woman is a walking fantasy! I made a mental note that afternoon to buy a copy of each of the three editions with Kate on the cover, in completely different poses.
I leafed through a few other issues of Sports Illustrated, and then a golf magazine. Finally, I picked up the last magazine on the table. It was "Cosmo," and had all of the usual crap about which most men simply don't care. Then, an article caught my eye. It was a very informative little piece about how to recognize when a spouse is either cheating, or strongly considering it. Near the end of the article, the author explained the actions a concerned spouse should take, depending on whether you want to toss the cheater to the curb or find a way to remain married. I skipped reading that part.
I scoffed at the latter approach. Who would want to stay married to a person whom they cannot trust? I don't know much about what goes on in a woman's mind, but any man with a shred of self-respect would wreak havoc on a cheating slut wife. A man has to have the respect of his wife!
It did start me thinking about how I had been taking my wife for granted. In an effort to improve as a husband and become more romantic, I started showering when I came home from work. I didn't want my hygiene to be a problem when I romanced her. I brought home flowers one evening for no reason, and really surprised her. Last Friday, we went out to a really nice Italian restaurant, and then I took her dancing for a few hours. It was obvious that she was not expecting me to be so thoughtful, although I noticed that she didn't seem as pleased as I had expected.
It was Monday, two weeks after I read the article. As usual, my wife, Sue, and I returned home from work at the same time. She's a bookkeeper for an insurance company, while I sell heavy machinery for Five Star Equipment. Unless I'm in the middle of a big sale, I always leave work at five so I can have some personal time with the family. My son, Sean, is in his second year of college and my daughter, Emily, is a senior in high school.
Sue had just parked in the garage as I pulled into the driveway. By the time I walked into the kitchen, I could see she was going up the stairs. That was out of the ordinary. She usually started dinner as soon as she came home. Curious, I decided to climb the stairs to see what she was doing. By the time I strolled into the bedroom, Sue was already naked and stepping into the shower in the master bathroom.
She always showered in the morning just prior to getting dressed, so this seemed odd to me. That was when that stupid article in 'Cosmo' popped into my mind. One of the biggest warning signs of a straying spouse was when they showered as soon as they came home. I felt my face heat up as anger surged through my system.
I decided on the direct approach rather than play cat and mouse with Sue. I quickly stripped down and climbed into the big shower stall. I felt a small amount of pleasure when she gasped with surprise. That was when I realized the flaw in my plan. We'd been married for twenty-four years, but seeing her nude form still took my breath away.
The fact that Sue had that kind of influence over me pissed me off even more, which in turn seemed to cause my cock to come to attention even quicker than usual. The traitorous little bastard had a mind of his own!
"What are you doing in here?" was Sue's first reaction to my entrance. Next she slowly raised her hands up to cover her breasts. That made me really suspicious!
"What? Can't I climb into the shower with my wife after a long day at work?" I questioned, as I forcefully took her wrists in my hands and moved her arms away from her breasts. The water hadn't yet warmed to Sue's usual shower temperature of around two hundred degrees, so her nipples were hard as pebbles as I carefully looked them over. They appeared to be quite hard, but like the rest of her breasts, they bore no indication of recent handling or abuse.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" came next, as she nervously looked down at her own chest.
Finding nothing unusual with Sue's tits, I quickly decided to inspect her pussy before the shower water washed away the evidence I sought. I dropped to my knees and moved to inspect her little kitty up close and personal. If some guy had recently plowed that furrow, he must have had a needle dick. I knew from experience that Sue's lips would be swollen and glowing if she had been properly fucked, but what if she did have a lover with a tiny dick? What then?
With that thought, I ran my tongue over her slit several times. I'd had enough experience in that area to know that Sue would react quite noticeably to that sort of attention. Her little pussy would begin to open for me and her clit would try to emerge. I would soon know if there was any cum leaking from her honey pot.
Sue's reaction was predictable as she moaned and trembled slightly, while her hands dropped to rest on my head. Soon, she had both hands entwined in my hair and was pulling my face tightly to her snatch. I'm ashamed to admit that my reaction was equally predictable. My cock was hard enough to cut diamonds as I inhaled her fragrance. I had been conditioned for over twenty years to respond to her unique scent. Without conscious thought, I stood back up, took her by the shoulders, spun her around, and pushed her upper back down with one hand as I wrapped my left arm around her lower waist.
She reached for the faucets as my cock found its special place and drove home. Part of me was annoyed at my weakness, so I took it out on Sue. I pulled almost all of the way out of her still tight pussy, and then slapped her left ass cheek as I slammed my cock home again. I fully expected Sue to snarl her disapproval over her shoulder at me, but to my surprise, she moaned and shook with an orgasm as her internal muscles firmly squeezed my cock.
I was a man on a mission by this point. I continued to pummel her hard and fast. I don't know if Sue had half a dozen orgasms or one or two long ones, but it didn't matter to me as I raced toward my own climax. Seconds later, as my cock softened and slid from her now slippery slit, I gave her one more firm swat on her round ass. To my amazement, she trembled through a final orgasm before slowly sinking to the floor of the shower.
I grabbed the soap, lathered up, and then quickly rinsed the suds away while Sue sat in a daze as the water and soap splashed off me and all over her. Once I was done, I opened the door and grabbed a towel to dry off. Ten minutes later, I was mowing the back yard.
As I mowed, I considered the situation. I had gone off half-cocked; if you could call the erection I had sported the reaction of a man half-cocked. Sue had shown no signs of having had sex, at least not until I had my way with her in the shower. Then I remembered that Sue always had meetings on Monday afternoon with most of the office staff. The meetings always lasted until quitting time, so she really had no opportunity to do the dirty, even if she had been so inclined. I had no reason to even suspect her, except for her heading for the shower as soon as she walked through the front door. What was that all about?
I decided that it would be wise for me to become more observant. If she were cheating, or even considering it, there would be signs. I wished I had paid closer attention to the article I had merely skimmed through a couple weeks back.
"Why are we eating so late tonight, Mom?" asked Emily, as we finally sat down to dinner. "I heard you get home at the usual time. Did you fall asleep or something?"
Sue looked at me with raised eyebrows as she responded to our daughter's question. "Alice tripped as she walked by my chair at our Monday meeting. She spilled her coke all over my dress and down my back. It was just before quitting time. I had to shower as soon as I got home. Somehow, I lost track of time and took a really long shower. It did help relax me, perhaps too much."
That was interesting. She claimed that she took the shower immediately after getting home because of spillage down her back? That was possible, but I still promised myself that I would be paying a lot more attention to my wife's actions henceforth.
We retired to the living room to watch some TV once we had the kitchen cleaned up. When a commercial came on, Sue announced that she would make some popcorn and she promptly disappeared into the kitchen. I waited about two minutes before telling Emily that I was going for a beer and promised to bring a soda back for her.
I was about to step into the kitchen when I heard Sue speaking in low tones, apparently into her cell phone. "I don't know if it has anything to do with my scheme, but I've never seen him behave like that before. He was an animal!"
My momentum didn't allow me to stop before I came into Sue's line of vision. She quickly terminated her conversation when she glimpsed me entering the kitchen. "That was Mary from work. She had some questions about overtime."
Once again, I felt my blood pressure begin to spike. What was Sue worried about? Why was she being so secretive? Not wanting to let the cat out of the bag and allow curiosity to kill it, I simply grabbed a beer and a coke and returned to the living room. I began wondering when I had started mixing metaphors, as well as not trusting Sue completely.
By bedtime, I was no closer to a solution. I was inwardly seething as I thought about my wife of over twenty years giving some bastard what was supposed to be mine. Somehow, that irritation transferred itself in hormonal driven lust. I was naked in bed waiting for Sue to finish up in the bathroom. I had some trouble staying awake as she did God knows what for a very long time.
Once she finally slid under the covers and turned off her light, I was all over her. She wore a pair of pajamas, probably to ward off any unwanted attention, but I ignored that futile effort. I had her unbuttoned and her tits out before she even realized what I was doing. Her surprised protests lasted for less than a minute as I did my best to suck her nipples off her chest while my middle finger searched for her G-spot. It only took a couple of minutes to bring Sue to an orgasm. As soon as she began trembling, I pushed her knees up by her ears and entered her to the hilt. I pounded her through an even more intense orgasm before I erupted like Vesuvius.
As I climbed out of the saddle and rolled over to my side of the bed, I thought to myself how difficult it would be for her lover to equal the power plus technique I had just demonstrated. I was pretty confident that any thoughts she may have of needing a man on the side should have been swept away by the tremendous climaxes I had just delivered.
The next morning I was eating breakfast with Emily when Sue came down the stairs from our bedroom. "Wow, Mom! You look really hot. I didn't even know that you had clothes like that. Are you doing something special at work?"
I simply stared in disbelief as Sue blushed under her daughter's praise before responding. "Nothing special. I just decided to dress a little better. Do I look okay?"
"You look great!" assured Emily. "You do know that those dirty old men at your work will be looking at your boobs all day, right? What's that mark on your left breast? It looks like you covered it up with makeup, but I can still see it."
As she spoke, Emily stood and approached her mother. Once she was close enough, she brushed the aforementioned area, taking much of the make-up off with her finger.
"Ewww! Is that bite mark? Did Dad do that?" Emily demanded, as she turned to glare at me. "Never mind! I don't want to know about it. I just wonder why you'd decide to wear a dress that shows it. Some of the girls in school act like a hickey's a badge of honor or something and dress to show them off.
"Is that what you're doing, Mom? You're trying to impress the other people at work with a big love bite on your half-exposed boob. That's just wrong on so many levels!"
"I understand how you feel, Emily. I thought the same way when I was your age," admitted Sue. "Time has a way of changing our perspective, as well as our bodies. I'll just go back up and redo the make-up."
Emily's mouth hung open as her mother turned and headed back up the stairs. "What's gotten into you two? You're biting Mom's boobs and she's showing the marks off! That is way out of character for both of you and frankly, I find it pretty weird."
"Don't start in on me," I cautioned my daughter. "I've been a disgusting pervert for years. You've told me as much since you were ten. Your mother is the one that suddenly decided to expose my peccadilloes, along with half her breasts."
Emily left for school before Sue returned. I tied my left shoe by placing my foot on the second tread of the stairway since my feet had inexplicably become more difficult to reach over the past few years. I had just switched feet and was working on my right shoe when Sue started down the stairs. I glanced upward when I heard her begin her descent. I actually broke my shoelace when I realized I had a straight shot at Sue's uncovered pussy! I dropped the piece of shoelace in my hand, lurched over to a kitchen chair, and sat down.
Sue slowed down just to give me a kiss on the cheek before going out to the garage to leave for work. I pondered my options for a few minutes before giving up and going to work.
As soon as I reached the office, I Googled cheating wives. There are hundreds of sites about it! One site proclaimed that cheating wives tend to "trade up", they are less likely to have one-night stands, and they usually cheat with someone in their social group... like from their work! They're even more likely to leave their spouse than are men who cheat! Reading that shit really didn't assuage my concerns in any way.
I looked up another "cheating wives" website and found all sorts of information. A change of affection is a big sign, regardless if they become more affectionate or less. Her phone habits could be another indicator! Changes in sex habits often occurred. Dressing more provocatively, like forgetting underwear and letting her tits hang out, could indicate a cheating wife. I was batting a thousand!
Next, I Googled how to catch her. I had no doubt that I'd be using Google to find a good lawyer before very long. Damn Google all to hell! I hated that the information I didn't want to have was so readily available. After reading through a couple of sites, I decided to check her laptop when I had the chance, and to install some cameras in the house. That would be a start.
I was torn in my thinking. I hoped I wouldn't find out that she was cheating, but if she was, I didn't want to have to spend much time or money catching her. I wanted it to be easy. I just didn't want to drag it out. As much as I didn't want to believe it, I couldn't ignore the signs. I'd have to divorce her and extract as much revenge as possible. That was a given, although knowing it brought me no solace.
When I got home that evening, Sue's car was already in the garage. I hurried inside and managed a glimpse of Sue's pussy lips and ass cheeks at the top of the stairs. I was angry instantly. I took the steps two at a time as my temper boiled over, thinking about my wife parading around all day with her ass, tits, and pussy practically on display.
One thing about dressing so lightly, she was able to shed her clothes and jump into the shower before I could get to her. I ripped my clothes off and left them lying on the bathroom floor as I practically ran into the shower. The damn woman was on her knees with a big grin plastered on her face.
I walked over to her and shoved my hardening cock down her throat. Then I began ramming it in as far as I could before pulling it back out. I could feel her throat as well as hear her gag with every thrust. Suddenly I felt her throat open and my cock was buried to the hilt! Worried that I would suffocate her, I withdrew from her mouth. Then the damndest thing happened. She grabbed my ass and pulled me ahead as she gobbled my cock down again. Her tongue caressed my balls as she held me in place for what had to be half a minute.
I was too surprised to move, but my cock knew what it wanted. The next time she swallowed the little guy, he fired his entire arsenal down her throat. Sue never liked the taste of cum, so I thought she'd spit out my cock and my cum before bitching me out. I went from surprise to shock when Sue held my rapidly firing cannon in place before she suddenly trembled with an obvious orgasm of her own!
Where had she learned her new tricks and who had been her instructor? Now that I was having the best sex of my life, would I be forced to throw her ass out? I thought about her dating after the divorce and how popular she'd be with any man that had a pulse. I became angry again. The miserable bitch! Why hadn't she been doing these things with me? Why did she have to learn it all from some slick bastard that didn't support her, love her, and be willing to give his life for her like I would? My anger boiled over.
I never really went soft. I popped my cock from her mouth, pulled her hair upward and she quickly followed. Once again, I flipped her around to face the faucets and smacked her beautiful round ass several times. Then I placed my cock against her little asshole. I expected her to start whining to beat the band, but she never said a word as she pushed back against my cock! Her damn lover had probably been there already! My cock popped into her ass and I began drilling her good.
"I'm fucking your ass, you damn slut!" I managed between gasps since my breathing was labored by now. "I'll fuck all of your holes anytime I want. You're just a cock hungry whore!"
It sounds pathetic, but that was my revenge. I called her vile names as I pounded her ass. Then I began spanking her cheeks on every thrust. They were glowing red when I reached my limit and once again opened the floodgates. As I shot gobs of cum into Sue's ass, she began keening and shaking almost violently. As I softened, I released her hips and she slowly dropped to the shower floor.
Once again, I soaped up and rinsed off while standing over my wife's prone body. I was emotionally and physically drained. I staggered out of the shower, managed to get dressed, and then went out to mow the front yard. I was no longer angry. I felt alone and unloved. Some miserable shit had either taken my wife or was in the process of conquering her. Once again, I had given her all kinds of orgasms, but would that keep her from playing the field? I wondered why she had those orgasms. I was rough, selfish, and inconsiderate. I knew that I couldn't keep on fucking like a wild stallion every night, even if that's what it took to keep her from straying. I had limitations, which I believed strongly had already been surpassed. My dick was sore and my balls harbored a dull ache from all of the recent activity. I'd never be able to keep the pace that I had established the last two evenings.
I quickly finished cutting the front yard and went back into the house. Sue was in the kitchen making dinner and Emily was on the phone with a girlfriend. I grabbed Sue's laptop and took it into the bathroom. That's one place where I'm always given complete privacy. In fact, no one in the family would even enter the bathroom for an hour or so after I finished up.
It didn't take me long to go over Sue's internet history and what I discovered was extremely disheartening. Sue had made frequent visits to the sites on cheating spouses, the sites about how to get away with cheating as well as those about how to catch a cheater. She was making certain she could easily deceive me.
I ordered overnight delivery on a spy camera to set up in my bedroom before I shut her laptop down. Things had progressed at breakneck speed since yesterday afternoon. I had driven into the garage a happily married man Monday, but that happiness was a million miles away now. I was feeling depressed as I sat down at the dinner table a few minutes later.
"So, Mom? Did anyone comment on that big old hickey on that big old boob today?" Emily asked her mother.
"As a matter of fact, several of women in the office asked me about it," beamed Sue. "I told them I was married to an animal. Sometimes your father just takes what he wants."
"Maybe that's too much information?" suggested Emily. "Did any men ask you about it? You don't go to work with your boobs sticking out to get the attention of the other women."
"Now that you ask, I did get a few compliments from some of the guys. Our new IT guy practically drooled when he came to update my printer," responded Sue happily.
"So you accomplished your goals? We should go shopping Saturday. We could get some new push up bras and low tops for you to wear to work," offered my daughter. "Your boobs are big enough to really get some major attention from any hetero males. Your legs are still pretty slim. Some short skirts would look good on you. Would you wear thongs if we found some that you liked?"
"Probably not," answered my wife of over twenty years. "I don't think I'll be using underwear from now on. I tried going commando today, and it felt great."
"What in hell is wrong with you two?" I demanded when I could no longer stay quiet. "You want your mother to dress like a tramp? You want the guys at her work to see her breasts? No underwear? What kind of daughter even suggests things like that to her mother? What kind of mother and wife even considers wearing stuff like that to work?"
"Dad, don't be old fashioned! Mom has big boobs, nice legs, and a desire to feel the breeze between them. She wants men to see her assets and appreciate how good she looks. What's the big deal?"
"What's the big deal? She's a mother and a wife, not some slut off the street," I heatedly replied. "She's going to embarrass herself and me, and you, for that matter. Ladies don't go to work looking like cheap sluts. I'd think you'd know that by now."
"Whatever, Dad," dismissed Emily as she turned her attention back to her mother. "Did any guys see your little kitty when you went commando today, Mom?"
I jumped up from my seat at the table and stomped up the stairs to bed. Emily had never been so disrespectful to me before. I realized that it was part of the collateral damage when a wife strayed. Morals disappeared along with discipline and common sense. I decided to Google divorce lawyers in the morning. I was at the end of my rope. I fell into a fitful sleep and never heard Sue come to bed.
At work the next morning, I received a message on my phone that my package had been delivered already. How was that even possible? I ordered it at six the previous evening and now it was on my doorstep. I decided to go home and set it up immediately.
"Janice, I have to go home for a few minutes," I explained to my new trainee. "Try to handle things while I'm gone. I'll be back as soon as I can."
She simply nodded to me and went back to painting her nails. I shook my head as I headed for my car. I'd had some real winners to train over the years, but Janice was one of a kind. She seemed to think that showing lots of cleavage to buyers, who by the nature of the business were mostly men, would be all the skill she would need to master. Sadly, she seemed to have hit on something. I had to work to get the buyers to pry their eyes away from Janice's tits long enough to sign the sales contract. The two weeks she had been training with me had been quite lucrative.
I tore open the package as soon as I got home. The directions were pretty clear, and the setup was accomplished in less than an hour. I had purchased a small clock that had a camera hidden inside. It would detect motion and begin recording both video and audio to the hard drive of the laptop I can concealed in my home office, also known as the bathroom. The hardest part was finding a free socket to plug the spy cam into in the bedroom. I was back at work in less than two hours.
Now that I had the camera in place, I was anxious to see what it would reveal. As luck would have it, I had a sales call that would take me in the same direction as my house later in the day, so I decided to swing by. Janice was riding with me when I turned down my street, only to see Sue's car pulling out of our driveway! What the hell was going on?
As her car turned the corner, I pulled into my driveway. Without bothering to explain anything to Janice, I parked and raced into the house. I went right to the bathroom and pulled my laptop from under the towels where I had hidden it. I sat at the kitchen table and fired it up. It had only been installed a couple of hours and I was already looking for results!
My heart sank when I saw Sue speaking to some pimply face geek as they walked into our bedroom. "Thanks so much for doing this for me. I've wanted to do this for over a week, but didn't know how to approach you."
While Sue was talking, the geek was walking around the room, apparently in search of something. Finally, he stopped in front of my hidden camera and looked down. The monitor suddenly went blank. That little prick had somehow realized that I had stashed a camera in the bedroom!
"Was that your wife with that little weasel?" Janice's voice came from behind me.
"What are you doing here? This is personal shit!" was my startled reply, as I stood up and headed for the stairs. Ii had occurred to me that there could possibly be some evidence in my bedroom... like a big wet spot on the sheets.
Everything looked normal as I rushed into the room, but that didn't stop me from pulling the covers off the bed to study the sheets. I found exactly nothing. Had Sue changed the sheets already? I had to admit that she was very good at sneaking around.
I looked at my spy cam and saw the cord was indeed unplugged. The odd thing was that there was a phone charger plugged into the socket that had previously housed my spy cam cord. I was trying to figure that out when Janice spoke from directly behind me. I was already tense and her invasion of my privacy set me off. I swung around to snarl at her when I suddenly realized what she was doing.
"I asked if you wanted to fuck me to get even with your slut wife?" repeated Janice, as she dropped her top to the floor, revealing a seriously big set of hooters!
"What?" was my clever retort.
"Your wife appears to be fucking Icabod Crane, so why not take me for a spin? I've seen how you stare at my tits and look up my short skirts. You already know I don't wear panties, so let's get it on. Hell, I'm ten or fifteen years younger than your wife is. I'll fuck your brains out."
"Goddamn it! I don't want to fuck anyone but my wife!" I roared as I became somewhat unhinged. "Of course I look at your tits. You have them on display all day and I'm male. Men look at tits any chance they get, so don't take it personally. I've even seen that used pussy of yours winking at me now and then. I'll use the same reason for looking down there. I'm a fucking man!
"The thing you don't get is I don't want to fuck you, or anyone else, except Sue. It looks like I haven't been taking care of business here in the bedroom as I should have. I need to get her back. I think she'll be even more apt to stray if I pick up a few STD's from you," I cruelly reasoned.
"Get your clothes back on and never try that shit with me again or I'll have you fired before you're able to get those tits out again. My wife's a lady. I don't want you to even mention her name around me again!" I growled as I hustled the topless bitch out of my bedroom.
Janice was surprisingly nonplused by my name calling and yelling. She was half way to my pickup before she pulled her top on over her head to cover her big tits. Once we were back in the car, she turned and smiled at me.
"You really are a good guy. Your wife is an idiot. Now let's go sell some heavy equipment. I need to get my self-esteem back."
It turned out that the guy we made the sales call on was susceptible to Janice's charms. He had told me that he was looking for a backhoe. He wound up buying it, as well as a skid steer, and a big-assed loader. He also procured a date with Janice for the next evening. While I had no personal desire for Janice, I realized that there was something to be said for a big set of tits and the willingness to use them.
By the time I returned Janice to the office and filled out the paperwork for the sale, it was a full hour past my usual quitting time. I dreaded going home. In a very short period of time, I had come to realize how important Sue was to me, and how empty my life would be without her. I even contemplated pretending I didn't know anything about Sue's affair in the hopes that it was just a fling, and she would come to her senses.
I stalled around the office about as long as I could. Unable to determine a course of action, I decided to go home and act like everything was fine, at least until I could think rationally.
The living room was dark when I entered my formerly happy home. There was a soft light coming from the kitchen, so I reluctantly headed in that direction. The first thing I noticed was a candle burning by the toaster. Then I realized that there were candles burning everywhere in the kitchen.
Looking around, I was gob smacked to find Sue lying on the kitchen table, naked as the day she was born. Her body was covered with small slices of filet mignon, salmon, mashed potatoes, and various fruits and vegetables.
"Dinner is ready. I'm just keeping it warm for you," responded Sue with a grin as she looked at me lovingly. "Feel free to dig right in."
I was completely overwhelmed with emotion as I took in the scene. My beautiful, sexy wife looked so incredibly inviting, yet I wasn't able to muster a shred of enthusiasm for the banquet she had prepared.
"I'm not hungry, Sue. I may as well tell you that I know about you and that little rat IT guy from your office," I stated somberly.
"You do?" asked Sue with obvious surprise. "Did you stage that scene in our bedroom with that big titted slut just to make me think you're a faithful husband?"
"What the hell are you talking about?" I demanded, as I finally began to feel some emotion. "You weren't there when I tossed that big titted slut out, but I know about you being with your pal, Acne, in our bedroom. Maybe you can explain that!"
"How could you know anything about Andrew and me in the bedroom? You weren't even home," declared Sue, with more than a little anger of her own.
"Just give it up, Sue," I replied dejectedly. "I know what you were up to."
"You knew I had that pimply faced kid plant a spy camera in our room so I could catch you cheating? Is that why you tossed Miss Big Tits out of our bedroom?" countered Sue.
"You put a camera in our bedroom to catch me cheating?" I stupidly repeated as I tried to follow Sue's line of thought. "When did you do that, and more importantly, why did you do it? When have I ever given you reason to think I'd cheat on our marriage?"
"So you didn't know I had a camera in our room but you still turned that damned slut down when she threw herself at you? I love you so much! I'm sorry that I ever doubted you. I made this delicious dinner as an apology for ever doubting you," replied Sue as she pointed at her body of delicacies, before making further explanations.
"Mary at my office is a cousin of one of the mechanics that works at your company. He told Mary about the woman with the big tits and lack of panties that you were training. You never even mentioned her, and I wondered about that. Then I read a 'Cosmo' article about how cheaters acted.
"About the same time, you began showering when you came home. That's one of the signs. Then you started being really nice to me. You brought me flowers and even took me to dinner and dancing. Again, they were the actions of a cheater's guilty conscience. I was scared to death that I was losing you. I talked it over with Mary and we came up with the idea of me reinventing myself to get you interested in me again. Alice spilled Coke down my neck at work that afternoon, so I showered when I got home.
"I never dreamed that you'd actually chase me into the bathroom and fuck me unconscious. Then you did it again later that night when we went to bed, and again the next night in the shower. I decided to let you see me looking sexy when I went to work so you'd get a little jealous and think more about me and less about that woman you were training. I had to let Emily in on my scheme after she made all of those comments about my hickey at breakfast. Once I explained the situation, she thought the entire thing was hilarious. She has a sense of humor like yours.
"That's why she was waving that 'red flag' in front of you about shopping for sexy clothes while we ate dinner. When you stormed out of the room and stomped up the stairs, she chuckled for ten minutes. The reason she thought it was all so funny is she knew that you'd never cheat on me, so she wasn't even worried."
"Dressing sexy is one thing, but showing your tits off at work, wearing short skirts, and going sans underwear is not a joke!" I insisted, as I struggled to follow Sue's bizarre logic.
"I never wore that to the office. I changed at Mom's on the way to work, and again on the way home, so you'd think I was like that all day. I waited for you to get home so you would see up my skirt when I was at the top of the stairs," revealed Sue, before she added. "Boy did that trick get you fired up!"
The fog was gradually lifting from my brain. In a weird way, Sue's story made sense. Apparently her company's idiot IT guy had unplugged my camera without knowing what it was. That meant that she didn't know I had believed that she was cheating on me and that I had even gone so far as to plant a camera in our room to catch her in the act! It seemed to me like it would be best if Sue didn't know about my lack of faith. It might give me a small advantage in our relationship, and a man needs every break he can get.
"I'm pretty disappointed that you didn't just come to me and talk about your concerns," I hypocritically preached. "I didn't mention Janice to you because I knew her exhibitionist style would upset you. If it's any consolation, she did so well the boss made her permanent today and gave her Jim Barton's old area, now that he's retired. I won't be seeing much of her anymore.
"You've seen more than enough of her already," replied Sue with a smile. "You realize those tits of hers can't be real, don't you?"
"They did seem to defy gravity, didn't they," I agreed with a chuckle before turning serious. "Don't try to change the subject to big, firm tits in attempt to make me lose my focus. The fact that you suspected me of cheating because I took a couple more showers than usual is very upsetting. Then when I tried to be more romantic, you automatically assumed I had a lover. You swallowed that bullshit in Cosmo hook, line, and sinker. Rather than have faith in me, you believed a magazine article written by some kid living in his parents' basement. What kind of spouse thinks like that?" I demanded. "By that reasoning, you practically admitted to being unfaithful when you took a shower as soon as you got home Monday evening!"
"I had soda down my back and even in my ass crack!" sobbed Sue. "That doesn't count as cheating in anyone's book!"
"Speaking of your ass, tell me how you managed to present my dinner so dramatically tonight? It's still warm and you managed to cover all of the right places."
"Emily helped me. When your truck pulled into the driveway, she began loading me up. She went out the back door to visit her friends as you came in through the garage. In fact, she dreamed up this dinner idea after she saw the video where you tossed that skank out of our bedroom. She read about something similar in 'Forty Shades of Green, the Jealous Spouse'. I was the one that insisted on placing the salmon down there. You might like to know that the hollandaise sauce is on my nipples.
"What exactly made you decide to put the salmon down there?" I asked out of curiosity.
Sue managed a sly grin as she considered my question. "I know how you think after all these years. If it smells like fish, you're going to eat it."
