Fantasy Making of a Starship Captain

But being beaten up by Kevin and his friends... enduring the scorn of the other kids... and doing that strange thing with the helmet, over and over, was starting to take its toll on him. Actually it wasn't the tingling so much that bothered him, but the expression on Sister Audra's face, the weird wide eyed looks she gave him as she gasped for breath. Something about it made him feel really uncomfortable.

And he really wanted to see the USS Gladiator. The Gladiator was a huge Survey Service battleship, lying on its side, just a half mile from Mike's house. It was shaped very much like a Survey Service rocket.

Everyone else, however, had a different name for it: the Robolawya manufacturing plant.

It all started with Rabinowitz, Rabinowitz, and Rabinowitz, the veritable New York law firm known for its tremendous legal skill. If you had a lawyer from Rabinowitz at your side you could win virtually any lawsuit, it was said. If you were a criminal, you could go out and rob a bank and if you got a caught, a lawyer from Rabinowitz could make sure that the worst punishment you got was a loss of virtue points.

The Rabinowitz law firm spread like the plague, like a weed growing out of control, all over the United States and then the world. But triple R's still couldn't satisfy all the pent up demand for the highest quality Jewish legal minds, and many could not afford their very slightly outrageous legal fees. And then someone at Rabinowitz, Rabinowitz, and Rabinowitz came up with a tremendous idea. No one is quite sure who from the original firm thought of it--was it Rabinowitz, the father, or Rabinowitz, the son, or Rabinowitz, the mother, or Rabinowitz, the daughter? In any case, one of them came up with the idea of creating robot lawyers. They paired with roboticists and created Moishe, the world's first robotic lawyer. At first the New York bar refused to let Moishe practiced law, until Rabinowitz, Rabinowitz, and Rabinowitz lodged a lawsuit in New York Superior Court alleging robotic discrimination. The Bar quickly conceded, and that opened the floodgates.

There were a number of companies which made robot lawyers, but the Rabinowitz company, Robolawya, was the most popular. And just ten blocks away from Mike's home was the sprawling Robolawya manufacturing plant.

Mike snuck in under cover of darkness. There was a fence, but there was also a hole in the fence. There always was. Mike wondered why companies went to the trouble of installing fences but never maintained them.

Mike snuck into the plant. It seemed to be completely empty at night. The assembly line ran 24/7, but at night, at least, it appeared to be totally automated. Mike walked down row after rows of Robolawyas being moved down the assembly line, having faces and arms and legs and seven piece suits strapped onto their bodies. He went to the finishing rooms, where he saw robolawyas in the final form, awaiting testing, boxing, and shipment. The robots, who hadn't been activated, showed no awareness of him as he walked around.

Mike looked up at the high ceiling. There, behind glass windows, appeared to be a control center. The ship's bridge.

He cautiously crept up to it.

Mike had expected there to be someone working there, or at least a night watchman, so he peered cautiously into the room.

The control room was full of monitors and consoles and it was... small. Not just small, but cozy.

There was a soft brown carpet on the floor. The lighting was low like what one would find in a café. The walls were brown.

With the soft lighting and the carpeting, the room felt more like a den or a living room than a control room. Even the vague hum of the instruments were comforting.

Mike looked out the window at the vast construction floor below. From up there it was a large, expansive view. He saw the steady stream of robots being built, piece by piece. Mike imagined it was a space ship, and he was staring at a busy shuttle bay.

"Enjoying the view?"

Mike's heart raced as he whirled around. He saw a man, leaning back in one of the chairs by the consoles. He hadn't seen anyone when he entered the room.

"I... I...."

"You shouldn't be here, should you?" the man asked.

Mike shook his head.

"But there are rules, and there are rules, aren't there?" the man asked.

Mike nodded.

The man leaned back in the chair, and smiled. "What's your name, son?"

Ordinarily Mike wouldn't have told the man his name. But there was something... reassuring about the man. Part of it was his smile, but most of it was the way he reclined in his chair. He seemed so... relaxed. Non-threatening.

"Mike," said Mike, in a small voice.

"Mike," said the man, and Mike's heart beat in his chest as he waited to hear what the man would say next. "Mike. My name is Hal. It's nice to meet you, Mike."

Mike wasn't doing well in school. He found math to be boring. He found studying science boring. He liked reading books, but found the books he was made to read were boring. They were mostly stories about kids with different racial, sexual orientation, or gender problems, none of which connected with him. And he found studying virtue, how to become a model citizen who was a healthy, positive part of the community, especially boring.

More and more he retreated to his own little world of spaceship battles and landing parties and galactic exploration in the Survey Service. And his grades suffered as a result.

"You have to try harder," said Ambition.

"But why?" said Determination. Determination was a small, thin, scrawny being with a whiny voice.

"If you want to join the Survey Service, you'll need better grades than a C+ in Community Virtue," said Ambition. Love the Survey Service, standing right behind him, nodded solemnly.

"But school is so boring!" said Determination. "It's so much more fun to play! I wish I could just join the Survey Service right now!"

"But that's not how life works. You have to try harder," Ambition persisted.

"All right... I'll try harder... I guess."

But at that moment Determination walked off hand in hand with Love to Play.

"Aaaaah!" Sister Audra cried out, as she and Mike finished their special prayers to the Goddess.

Increasingly Sister Audra had been getting itchy as they did their special Aura prayers. She must be getting itchy because as they did their prayers, she started to rub her chest.

Mike, to be honest, found the whole procedure boring by now. Put on the helmet. Feel the tingling. Watch Sister Audra gasp like a fish. And then it was done. He finally worked up the courage to ask Sister Audra about her chest itches.

She looked startled before answering. "Yes, I suppose you could say I had an itch, there," she said, smiling down at him. "You could say, Michael, that you were helping me to satisfy the itch I have there... and in other places," she said, giving him a weird smile.

That weird smile once again gave Mike the idea that they were doing something wrong together. By now he no longer believed Sister Audra when she said the silver helmets were needed for special prayers. No one else wore silver helmets when they prayed to the She Goddess. He was fairly convinced they were doing something wrong now. But what to do about it?

Captain's Log, Stardate Supplemental

I have put the USS Warspite into a parking orbit around the planet Acadia. Acadia has a remarkably Earth-like environment, with tall trees, rocks, and a beautiful shoreline, much like the coast of Maine. I am authorizing landing parties to explore this new and exciting-

"Ow!" said Mike, rubbing his sore arm. He looked up at Darden, who was grinning at him. "What was that for?"

"Mom wants us to take a walk in the forest before dinner, Lifeboat," he said.

"She does?" said Mike.

"Um hm," said Darden. "Let's go, Captain."

Mike crawled out of the tent. He saw his baby sister Val eating some twigs, Mom was preparing dinner, and Dad was bringing wood for the fire. "Mom and Dad aren't going with us?"

"No, it's just us," said Darden.

There was something about Darden's grin he didn't like.

"Don't go with him! He's never up to anything good!" said Cautious.

"But maybe he finally wants to be friendly," said Want to Like Brother.

"Darden never wants to be friendly," said Cautious.

"But Mom and Dad have changed ever since we got here! Everyone is in a nicer mood. Maybe this is finally our chance to change things with Darden," said Want to Like Brother.

Want to Like Brother's words were persuasive. Mike wanted so much to get along with his older brother... and so he followed him into the forest.

"How are things in school?" Darden asked, as they walked. "Kids still beating on you?"

Darden knew. They were both in the same school, and Darden was only a year ahead. Mike didn't answer.

"Well, they may be tenderizing you, but that will only make you tougher," said Darden. "That's what it takes to make it in the Survey Service, to be one tough hombre, right, dear brother?"

Mike looked at Darden's face. He couldn't tell if Darden was being caring or cruel.

"Of course, you'll have the grades to get into the Academy. You're doing really well in your classes, aren't you?"

Now he knew that Darden was mocking him. Darden knew that his report card was filled with B's and C's.

They continued to walk deeper into the forest. They weren't following a path now, simply walking through open spaces between the trees.

"Maybe you'll get some spiritual guidance. Sister Audra is helping you with that, isn't she?"

Mike glared at his brother. Did he know? About Sister Audra and the helmets? He looked at Darden, and saw the nasty grin on his face. He started to walk more slowly.

"Come on, we're almost there," said Darden.

"Where?" said Mike. They had been walking for nearly twenty minutes. As far as Mike could see, they were in the middle of a thick forest of trees.

"You'll see," said Darden.

As they walked, Mike started to get nervous. They weren't on any trail. "Darden, do you know the way back?"

"Of course I do," said Darden. "But if I didn't, I still wouldn't worry about it."

"Why?"

"Well, I have the greatest pioneer in the Survey Service with me. The Survey Service never gets lost, does it?" Darden asked.

"No," said Mike.

"Well then. We have nothing to worry about."

But there was something Darden's face he still didn't like.

A few minutes later they stopped, in a dense thicket of woods. "Here we are," said Darden.

Mike looked around. "Where?"

"Near the lair of the Wootigen."

"Wootigen?"

"A very rare creature. It's part raccoon, part bird," said Mike.

"Where is it?"

"Oh, the Wootigen is very shy. You can't see it. But you can hear it. Hear the woot, woot sound it's making?"

"No," said Mike.

"Close your eyes," said Darden.

Mike reluctantly closed his eyes.

"Do you hear it now?"

"No," said Mike, opening his eyes.

"It may take a moment for it to speak. Silently count to one hundred, and listen, really listen, and you'll hear it."

"All right," said Mike, feeling more and more uncertain about this. He closed his eyes and started counting. One... two... three.... Forty... forty one... forty two... still nothing! Ninety eight, ninety nine, one hundred...

Mike opened his eyes. "Darden, I still don't-" He stopped.

Darden was gone.

"Darden?"

Was he hiding behind a tree, just waiting to surprise him? Mike looked around the nearby trees. Darden wasn't hiding behind any of them.

"Darden!" he yelled at the top of his lungs.

And then the forest was silent.

Darden was gone.

"What do we do? What do we do! We're lost! We're lost we're lost we're lost!" said Fear.

"Get a grip on yourself," said Ambition.

"No, we're lost, in the middle of the forest, and we don't know how to get back!" Fear cried.

"What would the Survey Service do?" Love the Survey Service asked.

"I don't know!" said Fear.

"Yes you do," said Love the Survey Service. "To find a lost ship, they engage in a standard search pattern. An outward spiral from their last known position."

"But we're the ones who are lost!" said Fear. "Will it work?"

"Of course it will. It always works for the Survey Service," said Love the Survey Service. "Plot a course, and engage."

Mike started to walk in ever widening circles. His first circle was a perimeter 50 feet around the area where Darden left him. His second was roughly a hundred feet. His third and fourth got wider and wider. After a while he was no longer sure he was perfectly centered around the place where Darden had abandoned him, but he kept going, looking for a sign that looked familiar to him. Even as Fear raged in his mind, he kept going, muttering to himself, "Standard search pattern. Standard search pattern. I'm engaging a standard search pattern."

And then, after nearly an hour, he found it.

The path. It looked very much like the path that he and Darden had started on. He followed it in what he thought was the right direction.

Soon Mike saw tents. A moment later he saw his parents, and his sister Val, munching on a pine cone, and Darden, giving him an evil smile. They were just sitting down to dinner.

"There you are!" said Mom. "It's just like you to go wandering off. Did you know that we've been looking all over for you? Where have you been?"

"Mom, Darden-"

"Don't blame your brother for this!" said Dad. "You keep living in that fantasy land of yours. Well, we're tired of it. You're becoming a big boy now, start acting like one!"

Mike looked at Darden's grin, and he felt like he wanted to strangle him.

"And he stranded me in the forest!"

Hal had listened to the story in silence.

Mike had come back to the upper control room at Robolawya several times since his initial visit. Hal, who seemed to be the night supervisor, was always there. Hal never told him to go away. On the contrary, Hal appeared friendly and eager for company. Sometimes they would just sit in silence, Hal in his office chair, and Mike on the soft brown carpeting with his back against the wall. With the soft lighting and the gentle hum of the consoles, it just felt so comfortable to be there, in a dimly light, warm, confined space. Hal never insisted on talking if Mike didn't want to.

But more and more Mike would talk to Hal about his problems. Mike told Hal about what had happened in the forest.

Hal listened attentively until Mike was done. Then he said, "And who do you think is to blame for this?"

"Darden!" said Mike.

"No," said Hal, shaking his head. "You are."

"Me?"

"For exercising poor judgment. You should have known not to trust Darden."

"But... he's my brother...."

"He still resents the fact that your Mom and Dad chose you rather than him to be saved. He's always going to resent you for that," said Hal.

"But, I didn't not pick him. That was Mom and Dad!"

"Yeah, but he's taking it out on you," said Hal.

Mike nodded. Hal was so easy to talk to. He told Hal about the problems he was having in school. About how his grades were low, and he worried he might not get into the Survey Service Academy.

"And why do you think you're not doing well in your studies?" Hal asked. Hal was like that. Always asking him questions.

"School work is just boring."

"It is," said Hal.

"You agree with me?"

"Of course," said Hal. "What you have to decide is what is more important to you, getting into the Survey Service or avoiding boring work."

"I.... I want to get into the Survey Service."

"Then you must try to focus better on your schoolwork."

"But how?"

"Bring your homework here."

Mike looked surprised.

"I won't do your homework for you. Don't expect that. But I will help you do it."

And Hal was as good as his word. Mike started to bring his homework to the control room at Robolawya. Hal never did his work for him, but every time he started to get distracted, to fade into dreamland, Hal would yell, "Hey! Focus on your work!"

Hal kept pushing him and pushing him. "But I'm tired, Hal! My brain is broken!"

"The Survey Service doesn't want to hear that," said Hal. "The Survey Service only wants the best of the best. If you can't focus, you'd best forget it!"

"No, I'll do it!"

"Then get to work!"

Gradually, Mike's grades started to improve. By sheer willpower he forced himself to study. Soon, he was able to complete his homework in the control room. Gradually, as Determination got stronger, he was even able to do his homework at home.

But then there was his other problem. The problem with Sister Audra. Somehow, he found himself talking to Hal about it, a complete stranger, even though he still hadn't told his parents. Hal listened in silence as he explained the special praying he and Sister Audra were doing during breaks in choir practice.

"What do you think?" Mike asked, nearly breathless, when he was done explaining things.

Hal paused a long moment. "What do you think?"

Hal always turned the question back on him.

Mike suddenly turned away and looked out at the robot assembly line, way down on the floor below. It must have been at least 30 or 40 feet to the ground. "I... I don't know."

"You do. You know."
​