Fantasy Making of a Starship Captain

"Why did you do this, Michael?" Principal Harkness asked.

"I didn't," said Michael.

"But it was posted in your own name."

"Then it was forged," said Michael defiantly.

Harkness pursed his lips. "Sometimes students do this to try and get attention for themselves. It's a cry for help."

Michael leaned forward. He spoke slowly and clearly. "I. Didn't. Do. It."

Harkness stared at him, and slowly nodded. "This may create some... difficulties for you."

"I'm going to be joining the Survey Service," said Mike.

"So I've heard," said Harkness, giving a thin smile.

Michael's eyes narrowed. "In the Survey Service, we endure difficulties."

And so he did. He ignored the catcalls, the name calling, the cackling laughter, all of it. Now everyone knew about his insecurities with women. Now everyone knew about what Sister Audra had done to him. When Jeffrey Tambor pretended like he had a helmet on his head and made "Zzzzz" electrical sounds and made his body trembled, Mike ignored him. When Jeremy Roberts, and Susan Fords, and Abigail Hertz all put their hands on top of their heads, to indicate a helmet, and made the "Zzzz" sounds, he ignored them too.

But when Vanilla Jones, a large black girl with big rolling breasts, came up to him after homeroom and cupped her titties through her clothes and said, "Would you like to suck them, Michael?"

What?

"Wouldn't you like to suck my big black tits, until you make me scream?" Vanilla asked, giving him a half sexy and half malicious smile.

Oh. My. God.

He had forgotten that part of his diary.

Even as he stood there, in the hallway, he saw Shanice, in tears. "How could you!" she asked.

"Shanice, I-"

"You humiliated me in front of the entire school-"

"I didn't do it-"

"You didn't do it?" she shouted. "You didn't write a message in your diary saying that you wanted to suck my big black tits until I screamed?"

"I... I mean I did, but I didn't make my diary public-"

"You're right. You're right, you know that? You're sick. There's something wrong with you! I never want to see you again!" she thundered, walking away.

Students cheered and clapped. Michael had never felt lower.

The actual diary entry was as bad as Shanice had said. He had described his lust for Shanice, but also his innermost feelings of inadequacy, how she could never fall in love with someone tainted like him.

And now the whole world knew.

Michael knew he couldn't talk to his parents about this problem; they would only blame him. Darden would hardly be a source of support either. That left-

"I lost Shanice! I'm a laughing stock! Everyone knows about me now," Michael cried. "How am I going to get through this?"

He sat on the soft brown carpet of the Robolawya control room, his back against the wall. For a long moment all he heard was the hum of the consoles. It was so comforting, just sitting here, in his comfortable hiding hole. He wished he could stay here forever.

Then Hal said two words. "Captain Renton."

The man who had saved Michael's life, everyone's lives on the Arcturus, all those years ago. "What about him?"

"He was blinded when he went outside the ship to attach the magnetic grapplers," said Hal. "And yet he's still in the Survey Service."

"Yes," said Michael. How did Hal know that? Michael had been surprised to learn that the Commandant of the Survey Service Academy was none other than Captain Renton.

"So he's been blind for the past ten years. That must have been difficult for him to cope with."

"Yes," said Michael.

"And yet he did cope with it. Which is more difficult, I wonder, what he had to cope with, or what you do?"

Mike made a face. "Of course, what he had to cope with was much, much worse."

Hal looked Michael squarely in the eye. "Then shut up and soldier, soldier."

Michael couldn't help but wonder who had done it, who had posted his diary to the school message board. Someone had hacked into his personal database. Darden was the obvious suspect. But Darden denied it, and somehow, Mike couldn't believe that even Darden would have done such a thing. But Mike had no other suspects.

Mike's social life, such as it was, was shattered. Obviously, Mike no longer had social prospects of any kind. Everyone knew now how he had been abused by Sister Audra. So Mike didn't even try to meet girls anymore.

He was surprised, then, very surprised, when Annette Flairs started chatting with him in the hallway one day. "Mike, so nice to see you!" she said, touching the back of his hand with hers.

"Nettie," Michael stammered, aware of all eyes on them. Did Nettie really want to be seen with him?

"Dear, we must do lunch sometime! Will you have lunch with me today, Mike? At the Bogey Café?"

"Uh..." Mike was aware of all eyes on him. "Sure, Nettie."

Everyone knew about Nettie. She told anyone who would listen that someday she would be famous. She would be the first bisexual president of the World Government. Nettie was a gregarious, friendly girl with large appetites... of all kinds. If her fellow students were unsure if she was going to actually become president of the World Government, they were even more unsure about her bisexuality. Nettie was frequently seen in the hallways kissing and making out. She was that kind of exhibitionist. But she was always seen kissing a woman (usually but not always Jordana Richardson). Some people thought she was bisexual in name only, that she only called herself bi because she knew the World Government gave more virtue points to bi's, the so-called "sexual omnivores", rather than simple lesbians.

"I heard what happened to you," Nettie said over lunch, her eyes filled with compassion.

Of course she did. Everyone had heard. Mike didn't know what to say.

"You must be going through a terrible, terrible time," said Nettie.

"I'm doing all right," said Michael, still not sure where this is leading.

"You're not the only one who has had to struggle with these things," said Nettie. She took a deep breath. "My parents."

"Your parents?" Michael's eyebrows raised. "They... abused you?"

Nettie nodded. "When I was two."

"Two?" said Michael.

Nettie nodded, biting her lip. "They... they were giving me a bath. My mother thought it was cute. She... took an image of me, and uploaded it to our family data page. Everyone on the planet could see it."

"And... you were upset... when you were two years old?"

"No, of course not," said Nettie. "But when I got old enough to learn what had happened, I was mortified. My own parents, my own flesh and blood, had exposed me to the world in that way. I felt intensely violated. I had to go in for long counseling sessions with my World Government therapist, who helped me realized how intensely harmed I had been."

"I had the same experience too," said Michael.

Nettie smiled and stroked his hand. "I imagine you did. I feel like this has created kind of a... connection between us. Do you think so, Michael?"

Michael nodded.

"I'd like to see more of you, Michael. To get to know you better. Would you like that?"

Michael was so excited. He had never considered the possibility that there could be other people in the same situation as him. Nettie was attracted to him, he could see it clearly. He would go on a date with her and one thing could lead to another and-

"How was your lunch with lady rug muncher?" said Darden, interrupting his very excited train of thought. He grinned as he pantomimed gobbling on a very thick slice of pizza.

Mike raised his eyebrows.

"Yeah, everyone knows about it. Just as she intended," said Darden.

"We have a date tomorrow," said Mike.

"A date," said Darden. He laughed.

"What's so funny?"

"She likes women!" said Darden. "Are you a woman now, Mikey? I know when you were younger you were the robot gender, so maybe you've gotten flexible again."

"No, she likes men and women," said Mike. "She's bisexual."

Darden sucked his lips, mightily resisting a smile. "You'll see, Mikey. You'll see."

It was now the fall of his junior year. Michael realized that it was time to start thinking about the Academy entrance exam. It was reputed to be much tougher than the Social Aptitude Test (SAT) for admission to college. In the latter, students had to write freeform essays about racism, sexism, and the ideal class structure of society. They were also given markers to draw colorful illustrations that reflected their mood.

The Survey Service exam, by contrast, was a lot more concrete. It asked questions about chemistry, physics, electronics, and engineering, some of which Michael had covered in his classes, and some he hadn't. Unlike the SAT, each question only had one right answer. Michael's father begged him one last time to reconsider and take the SAT. "Remember, the World Government promises a college education to everyone, son," said Edwin. "But 90% of applicants to the Academy don't get in."

But Michael was resolute. He had worked hard and now had top grades in high school in the most difficult subjects. He was going to go for it. The exam would be given in the fall of his senior year, but it was best to start preparing for it early. As far as he knew, he and Allyson Harshbarger were the only ones from Malik Shabazz HS taking the test. The chances of both of them getting admitted to the Academy were small.

Allyson realized this, and she tried to persuade him not to take the test.

"I like you, Mike, you know that," she said, taking his hand. "But trust me, you're just not Survey Service material."

"Why not?" Mike asked.

"You...." Allyson's voice trailed off. "You're smart, Mike, I'll give you that. But it takes more than smarts to make a Survey Service officer. You have to be brave, and bold, and stand up straight, and look people in the eye... you need a confident, outgoing personality. Those things... my dear, sweet Michael, simply aren't you." She paused. "There is another way, you know."

"Another way?"

"Go to college. Get a degree in the sciences. A few still do. Then, once you have a masters or Ph.D., join the Survey Service in the Scientific Branch."

"The Scientific Branch?"

"Sure! It's filled with smart people like you who want to explore the unknown. But they're smarter because they don't have to endure the rigors of the Academy."

"They also never get to be in command."

Allyson made a face. "Face it, Mike, you're not command material. I love you like a brother, but you're about as suited for the Survey Service as a duck is for designer shoes."

"And what do you think?" Hal asked. Hal always loved to turn the question back on him.

"That she's simply trying to dissuade me from taking the test. That she fears me as a competitor."

"So?" Hal asked, leaning back in his chair.

"But she has a point," said Michael. "I'm not brave, or bold, or... confident." He listened to the hum of the machinery in the background. The dim overhead lights were soothing.

Hal nodded slowly. "You've been coming here now for several years, haven't you?"

Mike nodded, feeling his stomach tensing.

"When you first came here, you were struggling with grade school work. Now you're acing the hardest courses in high school."

"I changed," said Mike.

"Exactly."

"But this is different. This is personality."

"It's no different," said Hal. "Mastering your confidence is no different than mastering Solar Chemistry. If you want to join the Service badly enough, you'll do it."

Nettie Flairs suggested they have their first date on Librarian's Hill where they could watch the stars. That was a lookout point where young people parked their cars and could kiss! Michael was excited by the prospect. He readily agreed.

He was a little nervous when Nettie picked him up. Yes, she picked him up in her Dad's air car! They drove to Librarian's Point nearly in silence. They both knew what was going to happen next. Michael was full of anticipation.

When they got there and parked the car, Nettie slyly suggested that they sit in the back seat together because that would be "more comfortable". Michael couldn't believe his run of good fortune. He readily agreed.

Before long they were sitting, side by side in her back seat. "Have you ever kissed a girl, Mike?"

"Of course," said Michael indignantly.

"Of course," said Nettie, giving a wry smile. And then she leaned forward and kissed him.

Her lips were soft and firm. Her hands played with the back of his head. He felt her breath on him as she kissed him passionately.

"Of course," she said again, smiling as they parted. And then she kissed him again.

But then, in mid kiss, Mike heard the car door open and then close. Suddenly, there was a third person in the car with them.

"Well, look who's here!" said Nettie, sounding surprised. It was Jordana Richardson. "Well hello there, Jordy! What brings you here?" Nettie asked.

"You," said Jordana, and she kissed Nettie on the lips.

Thus began the most bizarre date Michael had ever been on. Nettie alternated, kissing Jordana on one side and him on the other. It seemed that she kissed Jordana more than she kissed him, but Michael was in no position to complain.

Michael was having trouble getting himself to study for the Survey Service exam. He was so nervous about that it was difficult just getting himself to sit down and open his Pad. When he finally got started he had to struggle with his anxiety. This material was hard! Some of it he was only vaguely familiar with. Michael had bought study guides to help him, but he had heard that Allyson Harshbarger, his main competitor, had a whole circle of tutors, one for math, one for physics, one for chemistry, and one for electronics. It only made him more anxious.

Hal only smiled when he told him how hard it was to get himself to focus. "It comes with the black and blue," he said.

"What?" Michael asked.

"The black and blue uniform. The Survey Service uniform. Or don't you think the situations you will find yourself in will be stressful, a lot more stressful, than taking a test? You'll be repeatedly called to make life and death decisions," said Hal. "If you're not up to the stress of a little test, then maybe the life of a Survey Service officer is not for you."

Upon hearing that, Michael opened his Pad at that very moment and started studying. Hal smiled as he watched him.

He began to study. He found he studied best in the control room. Hal always offered him a chair, but Michael always found he liked it best sitting on the soft brown carpeting, listening to the quiet hum of the consoles. Hal would be out of sight when he sat on the floor, but he always knew that Hal was there, which was reassuring to him.

And then one day Michael got a comm on his pad from an unknown number. With some trepidation, he accepted it. It was audio only.

"Michael Taylor?"

"Yes," said Michael.

"How's your studying for the Academy exam going, Mike?"

"Who is this?" Mike asked.

"Just someone who wants to help you get in to the Academy," said the voice. It was a man, that was all he knew.

"How?" Mike asked.

"I can help you with the exam."

"Are you a tutor?"

Mike heard a laugh. "Kind of. You can think of me that way. I'm an exam tutor. For the right price, I'll help you ace the exam."

Michael immediately understood what he was offering. "How much?" he found himself asking.

The man named a price.

Michael's eyebrows went up. That was nearly half the money he had saved up. "I want to think about it," he said.

"Not too long. I have another client from Shabazz who's keeping me busy. I'll be in touch." The connection clicked off.

"If Allyson is getting the answers to the test, I don't stand a chance," said Michael. "There's no way they'll take two people from the same high school. And if she's cheating, she'll get a better score than I will."

Hal looked at him in silence for a long moment, as he always did when he listened to Michael. Michael heard the hum of the consoles around them.

"What are you saying, Mike?"

"I..."

"What are you saying, Mike?"

"Maybe... maybe I should do this," said Mike. He saw Hal looking at him. "Cheat."

"Cheat," said Hal, and Mike flinched as he said the word. "Are you prepared to cheat your way into the Survey Service Academy, Michael?"

"We have to. We have no other choice," said Love the Survey Service.

"I am so surprised to hear that from you," said Ambition. "For years you've been pushing us to apply for the Survey Service. A career of honor and integrity, you said. And now you want to cheat your way into it. What's the point?"

"If it's the only way to get in...."

"If it's the only way to get in, then we shouldn't be there," said Ambition. "We can keep our pride and integrity and do something else."

"What else can we do? It's too late to apply to regular colleges! If we don't do this, we won't stand a chance."

"If Allyson is cheating. We don't know for sure that she is. If she's cheating, if she gets the right answers, and if she scores higher than Mike does, she still might not get in over him. There are other factors besides the test, you know," said Ambition. "I've supported you in this effort for years because the Survey Service is not just a job, it's a lifestyle, a way of being which I was proud to support. If you use subterfuge to get in, it will only be the beginning of the end. Mike will learn from this experience, and he'll cheat his way through his entire life. And I won't be a part of it."

"And neither will I," said Mike. He looked at Hal and said, resolutely, "I won't cheat to get in."

Michael had several more dates with Nettie Flairs. Kissing dates. Nettie would kiss him, and then she would kiss Jordana. When Mike protested once, Nettie smiled at him and said, "What's wrong? Aren't you man enough to handle two women?" And Mike didn't know how to answer that.

As a matter of fact, while there were two women in the relationship, only one of those, Nettie (who was 18 years old), was actually kissing Mike. And as the dates progressed, Mike noticed that Nettie was spending more and more time kissing Jordana (who was also 18 years old) than him. On their first date Nettie has kissed him almost as much as she kissed Jordana. But by their fourth date, Nettie kissed him once in the beginning, and twice more at the middle, and twice at the ending, and spent the rest of her time kissing Jordana.

Michael started to wonder why he was there. He was barely doing anything. Except watching. That's what Nettie must like. That's why she called herself bi. Because she liked men to watch. As Nettie kissed and fondled Jordana, she would look over at Michael, at the excitement on his face, and his expression would in turn arouse her. Nettie liked getting men excited in this way. And Mike had to admit, watching Nettie and Jordana lock lips together and hug and kiss each other was fun to watch... although it would be more fun if he were participating too.

"This is so degrading. I'm ashamed for all of us," said Ambition.

Self-Image looked into the mirror. He saw a slack faced, trembling skinny boy. "This is the best we can do. Just look at us! No normal woman in her right mind would want us. Everyone knows what Sister Audra did to us. This is the best we can do."

"No, it's not. You've just been brainwashed by him," said Ambition, pointing a finger at Inadequacy.

"Don't blame me for the cards we were dealt," said Inadequacy. "I didn't tell the entire school that Sister Audra abused us. I'm not the one who made us look like a freak to all women in the world. I'm just trying to help Mike adapt as best he can to the circumstances."

"Of course you are," said Ambition, narrowing his eyes. "You want the best for Mike. What's easiest for him, what's least likely to hurt his feelings."

"Right."

"If he keeps listening to you, he'll never make it in the Survey Service."

"Hey, Lifeboat! How's the rug munching business?" Darden asked, giving him a nasty grin.

"I wouldn't know," said Michael.

Darden got a thoughtful look. "Maybe you wouldn't. So how are you enjoying being the third wheel on a lesbian bicycle?"

"There have been challenges," Michael admitted.

"I'll bet," said Darden, grinning, sitting down next to him. "Have you gotten to first starbase? Second starbase? More?"

"A gentleman doesn't tell," said Mike.

"Oh, I forgot, I'm talking to the very dignified Captain of a Survey Service starship. Aye aye, sir," said Darden, saluting him, as he left the room.

Relations with Nettie were reaching a turning point. Nettie had told him in no uncertain terms that she wanted to get physical on the next date. "All the way", she said, with a sexy smile that made Michael so excited. Finally, he was going to learn what it was like being inside a woman! Sure, Nettie would probably have sex with Jordana too, but what did that matter, as long as he got what he wanted?

They were at Nettie's house on a Saturday afternoon right after Mike turned 18. Nettie's parents were gone for a long weekend at Cape Cod. They would have plenty of time, the three of them. For the first time Jordana actually showed some affection towards him. She looked him in the eye and said, "I think it's time we all got to know each other better, don't you think?"

Mike nodded dumbly as Jordana tenderly grabbed his face and gave him a luxurious kiss. Mike felt an electric current go through his body as her lips pressed against his.

And then he watched as Jordana kissed Nettie, slowly and passionately. The 18 year olds (they were definitely, definitely 18 years old!) took their time about it. When they were done, Nettie looked at him and said, "We'd better do something about those clothes, shouldn't we?"

And then, in a moment Mike would never forget, they undressed him. Both of them. Nettie looked longingly at him as she slowly pulled off his shirt. Jordana pulled off his shoes, and then peeled off his pants, pants leg by pants leg. And then Nettie came close and kissed him amorously, while Jordana, working behind him, pulled off his underwear.

In moments he was nude, and aroused. It could hardly be otherwise. He watched as Nettie and Jordana slowly and lovingly removed each other's clothes, kissing all the way. When they were nude, Mike stared at their firm, 18 year old breasts. Jordana's were larger, but Nettie's were much pointier. Both stood firm and proud, without a hint of slouch.

Nettie pulled Jordana on the bed. They started to kiss and hug each other. Mike waited for a moment and then decided to join in. But when he started to get into the bed, Nettie looked up at him. "What are you doing?"

"I thought-"

"Your place is there," she said, pointing to the chair by her bed.

Mike's jaw dropped. Could she be serious?

"But... what about me?"

"Yes, what about you?" said Jordana critically.

"Don't worry. I have something to keep you happy," said Nettie. She fished around under her pillow and tossed something at him. Mike saw it was a tube of lubricant. Jordana laughed when she saw his reaction."Now go. Sit!" she commanded.

Mike sat. He watched Netttie and Jordana kissing and hugging, rubbing their naked bodies against each other. Mike was quite erect; it could hardly have been otherwise. He looked at the tube in his hand. What should he do now?

"Leave at once! This is degrading," said Ambition. "They are humiliating you, using your humiliation for their own sexual pleasure. Get out now, Mike!"

"No," said Inadequacy sadly. "This is the best we can hope for. We're damaged goods, Mike. Remember our diary. Everyone in the school has seen it. They all know how tainted we are. No girl in her right mind is going to want to have sex with us. This could be our only chance to see a girl naked, in the flesh, having sex right in front of us. If this is the only kind of sexual pleasure we can have with a woman, we should take it."

"No, Mike, you're better than this. Don't listen to him."

"That's right. Don't listen to me. Listen to yourself," said Inadequacy. He pointed to Self Esteem, who was looking in the mirror. In the mirror he saw a skinnier version of Mike, also completely nude who looked needy, weak, and anxious, with a tiny erection between his legs. "Believe me, who's going to want that?"

Mike looked at the tube of lubricant in his hand and sucked in his lips and opened it. He started to spread some on his organ. He leaned back in the chair and gripped it, starting to move it up and down his shaft.

Nettie noticed immediately and smiled at him. "That's right, work it up and down, just like that, Mike!"

Michael watched as Nettie and Jordana pleasured each other. They used their lips and their hands and fingers to give each other sexual pleasure. The sight of two sexy women pleasuring each other in front of him excited him tremendously, the slick, sweaty breasts rubbing against each other, the long, slender legs intertwined, the smiles, the kisses, the moans... All of it was pushing him incredibly fast to orgasm.

Mike fisted himself tightly around his shaft as the friction from the cool lotion on his organ spurred him onwards. Jordana moved her head downwards, and started working between Nettie's legs, and Michael finally learned why Darden had called it "rug munching". As Nettie arched her chest, thrusting her breasts upwards, her head back, her eyes closed, she cried out, a long, guttural, female cry of joy. A few seconds later so did Mike, spurting in an arc on Nettie's bedroom carpet.

Mike had reached a new low. He could never do that again, he realized. It was too degrading, even for him. In the aftermath of his sort-of first sexual experience he felt totally humiliated.

As he was walking home from Nettie's house, however, he heard shouting ahead of him. He walked more briskly, and saw Jeremy Piven and Brent Scalwood taunting his brother Darden.

"Temperature change denier! Watcha doin, temp denier?"

Jeremy and Brent were members of a Temperature Change gang.

Every day the temperature fluctuated mightily, often twenty degrees or more from morning to late afternoon and back again in the nighttime. The World Government said that this was because of industrialization, that pollution from air cars and factories was causing temperature to fluctuate, and in the old times temperature was a constant 72 degrees all day, every day, and that heavy taxes and regulation were needed to fight the effects of it. Some of the kids at the school became so passionate about fighting temperate change that they had formed a gang and beat up other students who didn't believe in man-made temperature change.

Darden, always a skeptical thinker, was an outspoken opponent of the temperature change theory. He said that it was ridiculous to believe that temperatures had always been the same, despite what he was told was a fact that 99% of all scientists agreed upon. Darden was called a temperature change denier and increasingly taunted in school.

"How's the weather now?" Jeremy asked, slapping him in the face.

"Come on, weather boy, give us a forecast," said Brent, pushing him in the back. Darden fell to the hard pavement.

Michael didn't think. He didn't hesitate. He ran forward. Brent, hearing the sounds of footfalls, turned around, but it was too late. Michael punched him in the face, giving him a bloody nose. He staggered backwards, clutching his face and screaming.

Jeremy threw a punch at Michael, but Michael was ready for that, and blocked him. Mike punched him in the gut. Jeremy threw another punch that hit Mike in the chest. Mike didn't even blink, but punched Jeremy again and again in the face, until he was down.

Darden, still lying on the sidewalk, looked up at his younger brother in shock. "Why?" he managed to ask.

Mike held out a hand. "Because in the Survey Service, we don't leave people behind."​