Fantasy Making of a Starship Captain

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[Note: This Science Fiction story is an intense character study with occasional sex scenes.]

Journey to the Year 1,000,000,000​

Her name was Pam.

Taylor met her on a layover while the Westerner was being refitted with new control components.

She was an exoanthropologist, lecturing on the development of cultures on foreign worlds. Taylor had gone to her lecture because he was bored, and also, to be honest, he had seen her holo and she looked really cute. Taylor's love life had gone downhill since he had stopped being a god, and now the only opportunity he had with women was to look at them.

But when he attended the lecture, something sparked within him. Pamela Nesbitt was not simply beautiful, she was gorgeous. She had beautiful straight blonde hair that curved inwards. She had stunning green eyes, and high cheekbones, and a pert little nose. Pam had sexy red lips that formed an easy smile. She was thin, but had large breasts for a woman her size, large as in long, projection wise, rather than wide, more like eggplants than melons, that classic teardrop shape that every man who ever loved large breasts absolutely loved.

As he listened to the lecture, sitting in the third row, he looked up at her. She saw him looking at her and she smiled. This happened more than once.

After the lecture, Taylor went up to her. He introduced himself, and held his breath. Would she be repulsed? Would she turn away, like so many other-

"You're that Michael Taylor? The Michael Taylor of PR-52981?"

She even knew the numerical designation of the-

"Yes," said Taylor, hoping beyond hope.

Pam's eyes widened, and she broke out into a smile and she extended an elf-like hand. "I've been so eager to meet you."

Not as eager as I am to meet you, Taylor thought. When he touched her hand, she smile widened.

They went out to dinner.

And another dinner after that.

Taylor could see the classic struggle she was going through. Pam, like him, was in her early 30's. By their 30's, most women who were open to relationships had them, either with boyfriends or husband or girlfriends or through an assortment of inanimate objects with modest electrical requirements. But those who were still single in their 30's were usually single because they were not so easily beddable. Many of them still felt the urge to have sex, but many also had a countervailing urge not to have sex, to look for and find something wrong in every possible mate.

Taylor could see that struggle playing out before his own eyes inside of Pam's mind.

"He's handsome. He's dashing! He's famous! Let's fuck him!" Pam's Lust cried.

"No!" said Something's Wrong With All Men. "He's not good enough."

"Not good enough?" Pam's Lust cried.

"Or too good for us. One or the other," said Something's Wrong With All Men. "He'll drop us after one night. Or he'll be clingy and annoying and be very possessive. Or there could be another man, just around the bend, who will be even better!"

Taylor wasn't telepathic, but he could see the struggle playing out in her eyes. He knew he had to tip the balance, to help Pam's Lust overcome Something's Wrong With All Men. He didn't quite know the names of the generals of the armies fighting in Pam's mind, but he clearly saw the war being waged.

"So, you were a God, on that planet," said Pam. "What was it like? Being worshipped... by so many people?"

"It was terrible," said Taylor, giving her a smile to indicate the opposite. "Especially the women."

"The women?" said Pam, raising her eyebrows.

"They threw themselves at me, day and night," said Taylor. He gently took her hand in his, and started stroking it.

"And did you... let them have their way with you?"

"No," said Taylor. He saw the look of disappointment on Pam's face, like a cloud putting land in shadow, and realized his gut instinct had been right. "Only the prettier ones."

Pam's face lit up again. "The prettier ones?"

"Just a few," said Taylor. He had to be careful here. He was walking a fine line. Pam was attracted to men who themselves were attractive to other women. All women's minds worked that way. But if Taylor gave the impression that he had slept with large numbers of women, the attraction Pam felt for him would extinguish like a flame in a vacuum. He had to appear promiscuous, but not too promiscuous.

"How... how were they?" Pam asked, giving him a hint of a smile. He could tell she was intrigued.

"They were... fine, for the most part," said Taylor, shrugging his shoulders. "It really made me feel... jaded. Like all women are alike. Oddly enough, after my experience, I actually found it hard to be attracted to women," he said, rubbing her hand a little more intently.

"You do?" Pam said.

"Yes," said Taylor. "I just don't find most women attractive anymore. Not unless... not unless they've got something special about them...." He let his voice trail off. His hand started to work up her arm. He looked her straight in the eye, and gave her his patented Michael Taylor smile, guaranteed to charm the paint off of a building.

Pam shivered and her breasts visibly shook. Taylor leaned forward and pressed his lips against hers. When she started moaning, he knew she would be his.

Of course, Pam continued to resist, up until the moment he actually took her.

"We shouldn't," said Pam, as he lifted her shirt and reached for her tits. "We really shouldn't."

"I know," Taylor said, grabbing a breast in his hand as he started to suck on her teat. He had had the very best teachers: Sarah Blade, Alexis Herman, and years of experience. Pam couldn't help but groan with pleasure.

Even as Taylor removed her panties and positioned his organ at her nether entrance, Pam's Something's Wrong With All Men fought valiantly until the very end. "No, we shouldn't," Pam said, even as she spread her legs. Pam smiled as Taylor lifted her knees to give him better access to her nether lips. "Should we?" she asked, sounding confused, as most single women in their 30's were.

"Let's find out," Taylor suggested, as he inserted his stiff organ inside of her. Pam, after considering the matter for fifteen or twenty strokes, weighing the pros and cons of feeling Taylor's hard organ thrusting inside of her, filling her strongly, eventually decided that they should. She kissed him furiously to make him aware that her decision making process had concluded.

Once Taylor had had Pam once, she was broken. Something's Wrong With All Men was sent packing to rage in a small corner of Pam's mind, while Pam's Lust ruled fully, and Taylor could have her whenever he wanted, arousing her with just a touch. Or even a look.

As Taylor used her body again and again for his sexual pleasure, he found he was smitten with Pam, and not just in a physical way. She was smart, and had a pleasant personality, and was fun to be with. As he pounded into her and watched her breasts jostling around, and saw her blonde face smile appreciatively at him, he reflected how good life was. And then one thing turned into another, and Taylor found himself falling in love. More importantly, he sensed that she was also falling in love with him. For the first time in his life, Taylor started to wonder if Pamela could be the one.

And then it all ended.

However strongly their feelings for each other were, theirs was a long distance relationship. Taylor was gone for three weeks, sometimes four on the Westerner, before returning for a few days, and then the vicious cycle would start all over again. He spent every scrap of vacation time he had with her, but he could see with his own eyes that their relationship had started to deteriorate, like a crack in the engine manifold chamber that was growing longer by the day. Trying to keep the relationship alive by talking by holochat just wasn't the same as being physically together.

By six months into their relationship, Michael could see the strain starting to build; after a year, which was two years after Michael had taken command of the Westerner, he could see it was at a breaking point.

Pam gave him his marching orders, abruptly, right after they had had sex one day; their last sexual encounter, Taylor found out afterwards. She wanted a man who was more "available". And so Taylor was sent packing.

His heart was crushed.

And then there was the little matter of the imminent destruction of the planet Earth.

They called it the Black Box. It had appeared suddenly above the Earth, some four months ago. It was a black spatial vortex, in a rectangular shape. Unmanned probes were sent in. They didn't come out. Telemetry was cut off the moment they entered.

And then, several months after it first appeared, the Black Box sent out its first shock wave, causing earthquakes all over the Earth. More shockwaves followed, typically once every week or two.

And the shockwaves were getting more severe. The first shockwave shook up the planet a bit. The second even more. By the third shockwave, hundreds were getting injured, and dozens were dying. The most recent shockwave, the fifth, caused damage all over the globe, killing over 400 people and injuring thousands.

People clamored for action.

The Survey Service sent three ships into it. None returned.

And now Admiral Von Windhoek wanted to send Taylor in. Taylor learned that the Black Box was most probably a time tunnel, one that would send him hundreds of thousands or even millions of years into the future.

And, in all probability, it would be a one way trip.

Technically, Taylor was not given a choice. The Survey Service could order him to go anywhere, and do anything.

But he could resign his commission. Even after he left Admiral Von Windhoek's office, even after he agreed to take on the mission, the thought was foremost in his mind.

"Resign," said Galactic Despair.

"Who are you?" Taylor's Duty to the Survey Service asked.

"A friend," said Galactic Despair.

"He's no friend," said Galactic Hope. "Don't listen to him."

"Taylor, if you do this, you will never be able to come home!" said Galactic Despair. "You'll be trapped in the distant future, a future so distant that humanity will be completely alien to you!"

"But you have a duty to the Survey Service," said Duty to the Survey Service.

"You also have a duty to yourself," said Galactic Despair."Think of Pam, Taylor!"

"Pam has already rejected us," said Taylor's Love for Pam.

"She'll take you back. If we resign our commission, and propose to her right now, she'll take you back. I know she will," said Galactic Despair.

"Don't listen to him," said Galactic Hope. "If you don't take this mission, Taylor, Pam will die. The Earth will die. Humanity will not only be destroyed, but it never will have existed."

"Humanity will never exist?" said Duty to the Survey Service.

"It will be erased; it will be as if Humanity had never existed at all," said Galactic Hope.

And so Taylor took his ship into the Black Box. He wasn't on the Westerner, of course; that was a cargo ship, and entirely unsuited for this mission. Instead he was given command of the Devonshire, one of the old Dorsetshire class attack frigates, old but dependable. He was incredibly pleased when Jennifer Hale, his first officer from the Westerner, elected to join him.

"But Jennifer, it's going to be incredibly dangerous," Taylor had said.

"All the more reason why you need me, Captain," she responded simply.

They were propelled eight million years into the distant future, where they were captured by a race of evolved humans called "The Ascended". The Ascended treated Taylor and his crew as little more than animals, lab rats to be studied in intense psychological experiments.

Senderock was one of the Keepers of the Third Circle of Trilesta. His colleague Arnack had been conducting the initial experiments, and for Senderock they had been most disappointing. They were trying to elicit strong emotional reactions from the test subjects, but for the most part Arnack had been unsuccessful.

"That's because he's not going about it the right way," said Galactic Despair.

"Who are you?" asked Senderock's Love of Science.

"A friend," Galactic Despair assured him. "If you want to break the crew, first you have to break their Captain."

"And how are we to do that? He seems to have the most resolve of them all," said Senderock.

"He does. But he also has the greatest weakness," said Galactic Despair. "The female. The one known as Jennifer Hale. Their Captain has feelings for her. Incentivize her to willingly mate with one of the other males, in front of the Captain, and it will break him."

Senderock's Love of Science considered for a moment. "An interesting idea. It just might work."

"You'll find I'm full of inspired ideas," said Galactic Despair.

Taylor blinked and found himself in the same cell with Jennifer, and Obongo Babangida, his security officer. Babangida was a tall, six foot two black man from Nigeria with very big hands and a broad smile. "What's going on here?" Taylor asked.

"You will see, Captain," came the voice of Senderock, from the observation booth above him.

Jennifer looked at Taylor and Babangida with puzzlement. Suddenly, she found herself starting to breathe more deeply. So did Babangida.

"What's happening?" said Taylor.

Jennifer, her breasts heaving, suddenly smiled at Babangida. And he smiled back at her. It was as if Taylor was no longer in the room with them.

"We shouldn't," Jennifer whispered. But she was smiling as she said it.

"We should," said Babangida. He went over, and took her in his arms.

Taylor's eyes widened as he realized what was happening. "No!" he cried. "Obongo! Get a hold of yourself!"

But Babangida wasn't listening. Both he and Jennifer were lost in lust. They both felt a burning need, Babangida, in his penis, and Jennifer, in her clitoris and vagina. The need to have sex. She suddenly realized that Babangida was the most attractive man she had ever seen. The black security chief was six foot two inches tall, had a muscular chest, and big, strong arms. He was the largest man she had ever been... was going to be with. As soon as Jennifer felt his strong lips press against hers, she knew she wasn't going to resist. She knew she couldn't resist. She needed sex, and needed it badly.

"No!" Taylor cried, pulling Babangida away from her. "Control yourself!" he cried.

Babangida gave Taylor a strong shove, and moved to take Jennifer in his arms again. He needed to put himself inside Jennifer, and needed to do it right now! Nothing must be allowed to interfere.

Taylor lunged forward, and pushed Babangida away again. Babangida roared and punched Taylor in the stomach. Taylor felt like he had been hit by a compression gun. As he went down, Babangida lunged again, hitting him in the face.

Taylor fell to the ground, and the world faded for a moment. When it returned, Babangida had taken off his own shirt, and Jennifer's shirt. He watched as he pulled off her Survey Service bra.

Taylor groaned and struggled to get up. He had to stop this from happening! Babangida was facing away from him, but Jennifer could see what he was doing.

"No, Michael!" she cried. "Stay down! Just stay down!"

Taylor couldn't believe what he was hearing. As he watched Babangida suck on her nipples, Jennifer cried, "Just let it happen, Michael! Just let it happen!" And then she closed her eyes and groaned, as Babangida sucked on one of her teats.

Just let it happen!

The words struck Taylor with more force than any punch. He lay there, weakly propped up on his elbow, as he watched Babangida undress and strip Jennifer of her remaining clothing. Then he quickly removed his own. Taylor saw, to his immense horror, that Babangida was already erect. His large black penis was at least two inches longer than Taylor's, and much thicker. He watched with wide eyes as Babangida lay Jennifer down on the ground, and got between her legs. He kissed and fondled her, and it seemed to Taylor that Jennifer gave as good as she got.

And then the moment came when Babangida lifted himself up, and Taylor got a view of that monster between Babangida's legs from a side view. It was huge and glistening and black, like the color of dark pudding. Jennifer looked Obongo straight in the eye as she felt the pressure of his organ at her lower entrance. And then Taylor watched helplessly as Babangida inserted his large black penis into Jennifer's trembling white body, inch by inch, as he filled her completely.

Taylor heard Jennifer gasp as Babangida entered her.

Jennifer felt the fullness of being taken and smiled up at him. Obongo, feeling reassured, looked down and smiled back. He started to pump her, thrusted into her with slow deep strokes, his organ glistening with her juices every time it emerged.

Jennifer made sounds ever few seconds. "Oh... oh... oh... oh... oh... oh..." though whether it was out of pain, or pleasure, or both, Taylor could not tell. He watched helplessly as his security officer had sexual congress with the woman he loved. Was Jennifer enjoying it? Or was she merely giving in to protect Taylor?

And then... and then... the worst moment of all. As Babangida was plowing into her, Jennifer actually turned her head, for a brief moment, and looked at Taylor, and seemed to smile at him.

But it was not just any smile; it was a smug, satisfied, self-indulgent smile, a smile flaunting the power she had over him. It was as if she knew she was hurting him, as if she enjoyed it, as if hurting him added a forbidden spice to the illicit moment that made it all the sweeter.

All doubt vanished from Taylor's mind when Jennifer turned her gaze back to Obongo, wrapped her arms around his back, and moaned, "I'm almost there. Harder, Obongo, faster!" Taylor watched as she smiled and kissed him furiously as that black monster pumped her more intensely. "Oh.. oh.. oh ohohoohohoh, OBONGO!" Jennifer cried, and then he gave a ferocious yell, and Obongo's body stiffened as he released, deep within her.

Taylor watched, still immobilized by shock and surprise, as they lay together in the aftermath, with Obongo's large black body on top of Jennifer's smaller white one, still impaled inside of her, for a long moment. He pulled out slowly, letting her feel every inch as he vacated her, his large cock still hard and glistening. Jennifer exhaled and her breasts heaved as she felt him pull out of the most intimate part of her. Babangida smiled at Jennifer, as he gave her a hand to help her get up. She took it, and smiled back at him.

Taylor looked at her, grinning broadly at Obongo as her labial lips gleamed with white wetness, and he felt like his head was going to explode in agony.

Suddenly, Jennifer's mind started to clear. She shook her head, and looked around as if awaking out of a dream. She looked down, and touched herself in an intimate place, and raised a finger coated with white fluid. "Oh my God! What did I just do? What did we just do-"

And sitting in a corner was Captain Michael Taylor, his face filled with shock and horror.

"I loved her," said Taylor's Love For Women.

"I know," said Taylor's Sense of Duty.

"I think... I think if we had had a chance together, I could have loved her as much as Pam. Maybe even more so," said Love For Women.

"I know," said Sense of Duty. "But you have to pull yourself back together."

"Why?" said Love For Women. "I loved Pam. I lost Pam. I loved Jennifer. And now... look what she's done to me."

"She hasn't done anything to you. It was the Keepers who did this to you," said Sense of Duty. "Do you know why? Because they are trying to break us. And the only way they can break the crew is to break you. Are you going to give in to that?"

"Jennifer... my dear, sweet Jennifer," Love for Women sobbed.

"I'm not talking to you anymore," said Sense of Duty. "I'm talking to you."

"Me?" said Purpose, suddenly appearing out of nowhere.

"Yes, you," said Sense of Duty. "You have a job to do. You're a Survey Service Captain."

"But Jennifer...."

"Fuck Jennifer! Fight for your crew!" said Sense of Duty. "What are you?"

"I'm a Survey Service officer."

"And what is your highest duty?" Sense of Duty demanded.

"To protect the lives of my crew," said Purpose.

"Then do your duty!"

Taylor mastered himself. He calmed down, and focused, and after several more experiences, figured out how to persuade the Ascended to release him and his crew. They returned to the Devonshire, and continued their journey into the Black Box down the Time Tunnel. Their next stop: the year 500,000,000.

They were called the United.

In the year 500,000,000, mankind had evolved into creatures whose cell structures were self-aware, and malleable; that meant they could change into any shape they liked. More often than not they assumed the shape of giant six foot tall one eyed squids; but they could also combine together into one, large fleshy mass, like a giant meat pie with tentacles.

The United were totally devoid of emotion, and even motivation; they had no purpose in life. They revealed they had created the Time Tunnel so that beings from the past could be lured into their time period, so the United could experiment on them, and find out how to elicit emotions.

They did this both by experimentation, and by giving their subjects an isotope, an isotope which was supposed to convert its victim into a United, a new member of the United with DNA from its original form, which could be shared with and disseminated with other members of the United in its group meat pie form. However, the isotope more often than not simply killed its intended victims, melting them into a pile of wet chemical goo.

The United had been impressed by Jennifer's strong libido, and had successfully converted her into a member of the United. After being turned successfully into a giant, one eyed squid, she had taken human form again, but was one of them now, giving Taylor a mocking smile as, one by one, she either killed or converted his crew in front of them.

Jennifer, in human form, was testing the power of attraction. She was requiring each male crew member to make love to her, on a platform bed in front of the assembled crewmembers. If she didn't feel anything from the coupling, she would give her subject the isotope, and more often than not her former lover would end up as a puddle of human chemicals at her feet, as she stood there, smirking at the remaining crew.

Finally, Taylor could stand no more of this, and he volunteered to take the place of the next crewmember who Jennifer summoned.

"Take me instead," said Taylor. The words simply came out of his mouth.

"What?" said Jennifer, disbelievingly.

"Take me. I'll make love to you. You can study my sexual desire." There was a challenging note in his voice.

Jennifer gave him an odd look. "Captain, I was saving you for the end."

"Well, you can move me up your list," said Taylor.

"Captain, your chances of surviving an application of the isotope are even less than your crew's. You know that, don't you?"

"Then I'll have to give a good performance, won't I?"

Jennifer considered for a long moment. Taylor didn't know which he feared more. That she might say no... or she might say yes. Finally she nodded. "All right, Captain. Show me your physical affection. But if you fail to impress me, I will have to give you the isotope."

Taylor took a deep breath. He was a Survey Service officer, he told himself. He walked up to Jennifer, so they were face to face. "I'm ready," he said quietly.

Suddenly, Taylor was completely nude. So was Jennifer.

Jennifer smiled as she saw his large, hairy chest and broad shoulders. Her smile grew broader as she looked between his legs and raised her eyebrows. She lay down on the bed in the center of the chamber, under the bright spotlight. She lifted her knees and spread her legs.

Taylor looked down at her. Like the real Jennifer, the hair around her nether lips were shaved to make them stand out more. Jennifer's dark pubic bush was in stark contrast to the red, glistening lips just below them. Even now, under these strained circumstances, he found his penis getting hard just looking at it.

He had wanted Jennifer, badly, for more than a year, ever since the incident in the cave. Even before that. He had dreamed of a moment like this, when she would be nude, willing, and completely fuckable. He had repeatedly imagined what her breasts looked like under her tight Survey Service day shirt, as he sneaked glances at the outlines of them hundreds of times. He had fantasized about seeing her vagina, of plunging into her, of making love to her. And now it was here, right in front of him, and all his for the taking. But not like this. Not like this!

"What are you waiting for, Michael? A formal invitation?"

Taylor saw the mocking look in her dark eyes, and realized that she had all the power here. As Taylor looked between her legs, at her moist nether lips, spread in a very open invitation, he also realized something else, that Jennifer's vagina was the beginning of his end.

Nevertheless, he moved forward, and lay on top of her. Jennifer's smile only grew broader as he got between her legs. He felt the warmth of her touch and flinched slightly. Jennifer noticed immediately, of course.

"Why the reluctance, Michael? This is what you've been wanting for a long time, hasn't it?" Jennifer bent her knees even more and smiled mockingly at him as she offered him her cunt.

And Taylor, seeing he had no choice, took it.

He aimed himself at the narrow opening between her thick, fleshy, nether lips. He heard a female crewmember yell one last "No, Michael!" as he swiftly moved forward, in one, smooth stroke, before he could change his mind, plunging his shaft into Jennifer's vagina. Jennifer felt warm and wet inside as he filled her, and yet, as he came face to face with her cold eyes, filled with malice, he felt a chill down his spine.

"Finally! This has been a long time coming, hasn't it, Michael?" She asked, giving him an evil grin, as he started to pole in and out of her. "Tell me, Michael. Tell me this is what you've always wanted."

Taylor looked down at her body. Her breasts were the same as he remembered them, big, round melons with little sag. Her face was the same too, long, straight jet black hair, a modest nose, juicy red lips, and high cheekbones. Only her eyes were different, the same green eyes, but these were alien to him, and as cold as stone.

He had wanted Jennifer so badly, for so long; to see her nude, as he did now, to feel his penis thrusting inside of her, as it was now, to feel her breasts pressing against him, as they were now. And yet, to have her like this... when Jennifer was no longer... Jennifer.... He had gotten what he had always wanted, but too late, much too late!

"Does... does the real Jennifer feel like this?" He immediately regretted asking. But a part of him had to know.

"I am a perfect replica of Jennifer's body," said Jennifer, her eyes glittering. "In fact, you might say, a small part of me is still Jennifer." She smiled at his confusion.

Taylor looked in Jennifer's eyes as he thrusted inside of her. He saw nothing of the kindness or warmth in the Jennifer he had once known.

"Aren't you going to kiss me, Michael?" Jennifer asked mockingly.

Even as he moved in and out of her, Taylor moved his head close. Jennifer raised her head, and Taylor found himself pressing his lips against hers. Her lips were cold and unyielding. He tried to pull back, but Jennifer grabbed his head, holding him, enjoying the kiss. When she was done, she released his head, and he pulled back.

"You need to do better than that, Michael," she said, her eyes glittering. "You'd better make it good, or the next thing you'll feel is the isotope."

Taylor kept thrusting, but Jennifer was talking throughout. "I have all of Jennifer's memories," she said softly. "She loved it, you know. All of it. Playing you for the fool. Flirting with you, toying with your affections, cock teasing you day in and day out for months. And whenever you got a little too bold, she would say, ever so regretfully" and she spoke in a higher, more feminine voice, "I'm so sorry, Michael, if only I weren't married!" She laughed as she saw the expression on his face.

For some reason she was not trying to arouse him. If anything, she was trying to do the opposite. Taylor was not sure why. It was as if this test were about something else entirely.

"She loved fucking Obongo in front of you," Jennifer whispered softly, smiling at him. "She loved it when Obongo knocked you on your ass, and when he fucked her right in front of you, so you were forced to watch. Jennifer felt that was the best fuck of her life. Your anguish was just so delicious. She fed off of it, just as much as she fed off of Obongo's big black dick."

He remembered how Jennifer's beautiful body had jolted with every thrust, how her gorgeous well rounded breasts shook with every one of Obongo's moves as he used her as only a man could. And he remembered that smug smile, the smug smile she had seemed to give him while Obongo was completing the act within her. Could this creature be telling the truth about Jennifer?

Taylor was still thrusting within Jennifer now, but he felt rage and despair mixing with arousal. She was purposefully trying to sabotage him, to prevent him from completing the act.

"Poor, pathetic Michael," said Jennifer mockingly. "Only now, at the end, do you understand the truth about your beloved Jennifer. She wanted to fuck every man within arm's reach. Every man who wasn't named Michael Taylor."

Taylor roared and gritted his teeth as he plunged into her. He felt fear coursing down his spine. He knew he would be able to climax; Jennifer's body just felt so good. But he also knew, somehow, that it wouldn't be nearly enough to satisfy her.

He closed his eyes, trying to avoid Jennifer's hard-eyed stare, trying to just focus on the physical sensation, to make it happen.​