Incest/Taboo Mom has Needs, Son is a Man

All the characters in this story are over 18 years of age. This is a work of fantasy and not a real story. It includes strong themes of incest, romance, BDSM, male domination, female humiliation and water sports. If you're not comfortable, please stop reading.***

Author's note: I thank you all for the love and support for my last series. I sort of reached a writers dilemma on where I wanted to take that series when I thought of a new idea. I'm hoping you all enjoy this series as much as the last one if not more.


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**********Jessica's POV**********​

Trauma

I was in my early teens when that happened. It was always awkward around family gatherings when we would see each other. He tried to meet me more often, but I avoided him at all costs. I was still going through puberty and didn't know what I was feeling. I remember feeling numb. And sat motionless, no tears, just blankly staring at the bathroom wall with a blade in my hand. Gently scarring my arm with lines, lines of red, streaks of blood oozing out of my self inflicted wounds.

I'd begun cutting as a way of coping. I don't know why I did it. It was as if my actions weren't in my control. But it felt good. It was an outlet. My secret with myself, just like the secret I kept until now. And I'm only opening up about this now because it feels like the time is right and I want to celebrate this new chapter in my life.

Karma

When I was fourteen, having just returned from school. I heard my mom screaming in agony from the kitchen, sobbing in tears as she stooped to the floor, her back dragging off the wall with the landline cord stretching down with her. She kept mumbling "No this can't be"...."I can't believe it". Dad and Uncle Jack were returning from their seasonal hunting trip. They hit a moose, the car lost control, Uncle Jack was driving. Dad wasn't wearing his seatbelt. We lost my dad.

To my dismay, Uncle Jack survived the accident. But was bedridden and had lost all sense and feeling from the waist down. "Hah, Karma is real" I thought. I was devastated for losing my father, but had a smirk on my face knowing my uncle who raped me wouldn't be able to use his tool or legs, ever.

Destiny

Destiny wasn't kind to me either. Since Uncle Jack had no other family, it fell upon my mother to care for him. By the time we were done with the funeral, Uncle Jack had all but moved into our home. Dad's sizable life insurance was good enough to get me through college and handle our expenses for the time being, but Mom kept her job at the hospital. She was an expert in caring for the disabled at work, and would do the same for Uncle Jack at home. I never stepped foot in his room. I avoided him at all times. I could feel him peering through the walls to get a glimpse of me. Pathetic creep.

Betrayal

As perverted as he was, he eventually found a place in my empath mother's heart. And despite my several quarrels with her, trying to guilt trip her into cheating on dad with his brother, she reminded me, it wasn't cheating when my dad wasn't alive. Besides, their relationship was purely non-physical. She felt empathy for Jack and his situation, while I felt disgust. My disgust lost to her empathy and newfound attraction to Jack and his sweet words of affirmation for a lonely single mother in the suburbs.

In some ways I felt betrayed by my own mother. I felt she betrayed me and my needs and my dad's love to form a connection with this crippled man who had raped me. No, I hadn't opened up to her about it. I didn't know how to tell her the man she was now in love with was the man who raped her daughter.

Brian

I was sixteen, when I met Brian. Brian wasn't very popular in school. He wasn't a jock or played much sport, he didn't have the best grades. He was just an awkward kid but a kind soul. He wasn't an alpha male by a stretch. I was still cutting and he noticed the wounds on my arm. Little did he know my cutting went far beyond, deep into my thighs and places I didn't allow anyone else to see, including my heart and soul.

Brian was kind enough to ask and talk. I appreciated his kindness. For what he lacked in physical and mental skills, he more than made up for in emotional and people skills. He got along with almost everyone and would be the first to help someone in need.

High School

It wasn't much of a surprise to anyone when we started dating. I was a lost teen and had found solace in his company. We formed a strong bond on similar values. I was sure he'd ask me to prom and I waited until he informed me that Serena, his lonely lesbian neighbor, had asked him to be his prom date. I knew Serena and got along well with her. I had a bit of envy and anger in me with her wanting to go to prom with my boyfriend at the time. But I understood her situation. As a lesbian, she didn't trust any guy friend but Brian to be her prom date.

Brian, as kind and respectful as he was, asked me for permission before he said yes to her. That's what I loved about this man. He didn't hide anything. I allowed it. Leaving me with Ignacio the scrawny nerdy kid as my prom date.

Grownups

Soon after high school, I got into one of the top universities in town. Brian didn't have much of an ambition but secured a job installing telephone poles and cables in the state. He'd go on the road a lot for work and I missed him. He eventually did a course in electrical work and was doing well enough for someone with his accreditations. Meanwhile, my college life was boring and I turned into a hermit. I studied nursing and pharmaceuticals. We found time to meet each other but I would get restless when he left for work on the road. I guess my codependency was brewing around this time.

Marriage

When I was 19, he proposed to me on one of our dates at the local Denny's. Not the most romantic spots or proposal, but that's the best I could expect from the simpleton. I felt safe in his embrace and we kissed. Oh, did I forget to mention.....we hadn't engaged in any sexual intercourse. I didn't want him to find out that I wasn't a virgin and that seal was unfortunately broken when my uncle raped me. I pretended that I was saving it until marriage. Maybe that's what motivated Brian to propose this early in our lives.

We got married the next year. Yes Jack was at the wedding in a wheelchair pushed around by my mother.

On our first night, despite trying his best, Brian wasn't a natural romantic. Brian did all he could to set the mood. Soft music, scented candles, silk bed sheets but I just couldn't feel that side of me.

Confession

We didn't have sex for a week after getting married. And every night, we tried. I finally had to confess to him about the one incident that had influenced my life until that point. Brian, my now husband, was the first person to know this deep dark secret about me. And being the man that he was, he understood and allowed me enough time before I finally felt comfortable with his touch.

Upon his insistence, I started therapy. And it helped. We finally had sex. The first penis to intrude my once sacred vagina since that dreaded night, was my husband, Brian's. I have to admit, I didn't enjoy it as much as I showed I did. I learned that from watching pornographic movies from some CD's Brian had brought home.

Sex

Brian was just not very physically impressive. He was less endowed in length and girth of his manhood. And he would often finish before I could begin to feel excited. There was no foreplay. He expressed he enjoyed it a lot and I lied to him saying I did too. I had to, I loved this man and didn't want to break his heart. I pretended to love sex with him. And honestly, I had more fun with my first sex toy. A vibrating dildo. Fair to say, our sex life was quite like most households in the country. Brian's was great and mine was dull.

Pregnancy

It was a little over six months after our marriage that I found out I was pregnant. As weak as his penis was, I was glad the sperm was strong enough to hatch my eggs. It was a time of happiness. I was delighted to carry the child of the man I loved so dearly. And I could see him being a great father. Throughout pregnancy, I had the excuse to avoid sexual intercourse with Brian. Yes, I loved him, yes I was horny, but my vibrator did a much better job at satiating me.

Tommy's Birth

I gave birth to a wonderful, healthy baby boy, Thomas. It was a natural birth and wasn't an easy one. Thomas was large, 22 inches and weighed 9.5lbs upon birth. I also withheld sex postpartum citing baby blues and physical incapability. I couldn't keep that up for long. Brian and I would have sex, but it wasn't a regular occurrence, and when we did, it didn't last over 5 minutes. He'd doze off and I'd stay up, sneaking into the bathroom with my vibrator.

Parenting

Tommy was growing up fast. And he latched on to my milk for hours. He was a healthy child and rather bigger than other infants which I attributed to my milk. Brian was a great father, he let me rest and sleep as he played with little Thomas and kept him busy. Brian would also help me change his diapers. I loved watching Brian evolve into a young father.

On Tommy's first birthday, Mom arrived alone. She mentioned, Jack's health had deteriorated and he couldn't travel. It was only a matter of time. Soon enough, Jack died and I somehow felt a sense of relief and escape. He hadn't been a part of my life for years but his death felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. Mom was alone now, and I felt pity for her. She had lost her only company.

Meanwhile, Tommy was growing up to be a smart toddler. Having learned his ABC's and numbers quicker than other toddlers his age. He was an adorable child and everyone who saw him thought he was so cute. Brian and I had moved to the outskirts of town. I made more money than Brian, but we shared our expenses. It was the only place we could afford a big house for us.

Brian got a promotion soon and my career was taking off. We had found a nanny for Tommy and would eventually place him in day care and then school, as my job at the local hospital needed me to be there for longer hours. I was a registered nurse in the Emergency department and eventually in the ICU.

Typical Teenager

Life carried on until my mother passed, when Tommy was 13. Tommy was close to his grandma and was especially upset. This is around the time when trouble began. Like most teenagers, Tommy had indulged in some activities I wasn't proud of. I started noticing crumpled paper towels in his bedroom's trash can. When I would clean his room, it'd smell like piss. His keyboard was always crusty.

Brian was a good father and gave Tommy all the freedom. A little too much freedom for my liking. I'd get complaints from school about Tommy getting into fights. While on my stressful job at the hospital I'd constantly be worrying about what kind of trouble Tommy would get into next. He was naturally very aggressive in nature.

Brian and I started fighting more often. Our sex life was next to zero. Brian thought I was being too harsh on the kid. He somehow felt like I was trying to curb Tommy's natural evolution into manhood. But I knew what he was thinking. Tommy was very unlike his father. He was more like my father, his grandad. Tommy was strong, tall, assertive, dominant, aggressive and almost always had his way. Brian was never that man. Brian felt like his son was making up for his missing attributes and felt proud to have a son who was a man he could never be.

Life Changes

I was now 38. Brian and I hadn't had sex in months. We were living in a dull domestic partnership. I still loved him. There was just no romance or chemistry between us. My sex drive was now peaking. It started around my mid-thirties when I'd randomly feel horny during work. I had no idea where this was coming from. I blamed it on hormones. But maybe the lack of physical affection and sexual activity over the years had taken its toll. I'd get home change into something loose and comfortable, read one of my smutty novels and end up in the bathroom with my toys.

Brian seemed to have gone in the opposite direction. He had taken to drinking and would down scotch every night watching TV fiddling on his phone, passing out on the couch. I had to be up for work early in the morning and would find him snoring on the couch with his phone resting on his beer belly.

Tommy, now 17, was on the high school football team. Unlike his father, he had good grades, maybe he got that from me. He was great at sports and athletics, given his physical stature. He had grown taller than both me and his father standing at 5'10".

I knew he was not a virgin. He had a few girlfriends by now. By few I mean, a different girl every week. I'd sometimes hear the girls moaning or screaming in his bedroom. It was awkward to say the least. But it made me realize our son had grown up to be a man. It also reminded me of my own womanhood. My needs were long unfulfilled and neglected.

The Incident

It was a month before Tommy's 18th birthday, just a few days before Christmas of 2022. His father was out on a four day camp overseeing the installation of powerlines in the middle of nowhere, some 12 hour drive away. This was a common occurrence as he'd often go out of town for days sometimes a week or more for work. I had just finished a long shift from the hospital and was beyond exhausted.

Pulling into our driveway, I noticed a girl walking away from our home's front door, visibly disturbed and sobbing. I was confused and entered through the garage. It was supposed to snow that day. As I walked into our living room, turning on the lights in the kitchen, I poured myself a glass of red wine like many other long nights.

Taking my winter jacket off, I undid my hair which was tied in a bun to let it flow. Sipping from my glass of merlot I heard my soon to be 18 year old son, stomping down the stairs with his heavy legs and large frame.

Tommy: Hey Mom. Long night?

Jessica: Yeah, I'm so tired. What are you upto young man?

Tommy: Uhmm...Not much. Just some videogames you know...

Jessica: Mmhmm...are you getting into any more trouble?

Tommy: Ugh. Come on Ma. Why do you always talk to me like I'm a problem..

Jessica: You really want to know? huh (Rhetorically, rolling my eyes) Who was that girl?

Tommy: What girl?

Jessica: Tommy, you had a girl over. Who was it?

Tommy: You saw her huh?

Jessica: I saw her walk out in a rather sad state. What did you do Tommy?

Tommy: Nothing! Ma...

Jessica: Listen, it's cold and windy and there's a snowstorm coming. I'm just worried if she doesn't make it home okay, you'll get in trouble again. I don't want to deal with any more parents or teachers complaining about your shenanigans. It's not a good look.

Tommy: That's all you're worried about huh? How you'd look? Ever think about what I want?

Jessica: You know what I mean Tommy.

Tommy: No I don't. And that was Sammi. She was here. And she....nevermind.

Jessica: And she what? Tell me Tommy. What did you do? Did you hit her? Why was she upset?

Tommy: Stop it. You're asking me questions like I'm a criminal. I....I..can't tell you what happened okay! Now just drop it.

Jessica: Tom...

He stormed off mid conversation and locked himself in his room. I was tired and just didn't want to deal with another troubled teen episode. I knew he was hiding something from me. It was driving me nuts. Teenagers hide a lot from their parents. To be fair, I did too. And then I chuckled, thinking to myself, hah, it can't be that bad. He's good at keeping secrets, just like his mother.

I went to my bedroom, freshened up, put on a loose top and pajama shorts. Back to the kitchen, I pulled out the tupperware from the freezer. Thank God, I'd meal prepped, I was starving. As I poured myself a rather large glass of red wine, I heard my cell phone go off.

It was the superintendent from the job my husband was working at. The blizzard had caused an accident leveling some trees and the newly installed poles. Brian was atop one of these tall thirty foot poles. He had no business being up there since he was now overseeing the project. But something gave way and Brian took a fall from a height. He was being rushed to the hospital but the snow in the mountains had blocked the highway.

I was devastated and wished I had more information. But that's all I was told. Immediately my body felt this cold rush all over and my mind went numb. I somehow managed to balance myself to reach the large recliner next to the couch and may have experienced a panic attack. After a few moments of shock. I came to terms with what had just happened.
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It took a couple of days for the snow to clear up and we could finally go and meet Brian in the hospital. He was in the I.C.U. and fortunately in the same unit as my shift. I took some personal time off from work and spent it in the I.C.U. with my husband. Brian's fall had injured his spine and neck severely. The cervical injury had resulted in the loss of sensation and motor function in the brain, arms, hands, legs and pelvis. While in the hospital, we were informed he had also suffered a stroke.

My husband of 20 years was now a quadriplegic and there was little to no chance of recovery. I'd have to care for him at home and rehabilitation would cost a significant amount of time and money. I couldn't help but think, how my life was going to turn into my mother's. Pushing around your loved one in a wheelchair, caring for their daily needs.
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His coworkers and manager came to the house returning his belongings in a duffel bag. His cellphone, laptop, some tools and equipment. Which I just shoved in a drawer in our storage closet. They were kind enough to put together an online fundraiser within the company to help with his rehab. Brian was a nice guy, a soft, kind soul and everyone appreciated him for his service.

The accident was caused because one of his subordinates wasn't willing to take the risk of climbing up the pole to connect the wires. And Brian decided he'd do it himself, as a way of showing his coworker, it can be done. "Typical Brian", I said to myself as I looked at him, sitting lifeless on the wheelchair. My Husband was now just a vegetable. A body with no purpose. A mere mannequin with a beating heart and some functioning internal organs.

Despite learning of the tragic accident and the aftermath on his health, I found some solace in the fact that he was still alive. I did love the man after all. Thankfully he had a sizable accidental insurance policy and the Union would assist with disability payments. I also applied for long term disability for him. Money wasn't necessarily an issue. My concern was the time and effort needed to care for him.

Our Christmas was spent with me fielding calls to extended family and friends informing them of my husband's tragic accident. Everyone was kind and supportive with their words. The reality was, I had to be the one to step up and care for him. Brush his teeth, feed him, bathe him, clean his shit, change his catheter, move him around, take him out in his wheelchair to breathe some fresh air. This was a full time job and I didn't want to take more time off my work.

Tommy was visibly saddened by his father's unfortunate state. He was still just a kid but understood the gravity of the situation and helped me around the house with everything. It was between Brian's accident and new years eve, that I noticed a change in my otherwise unruly son. He showed some responsibility and cleaned up his room. He would also look up recipes on the internet and attempt cooking. He made coffee for us both and also emptied the filters with the ground.

Something had switched in him and he made sure to help me with chores around the house. He helped me with raking leaves in the backyard, shoveling snow and other physically taxing tasks. It felt like he was shoved into this position to step up and take charge, be the man of the house. He was going to be a legal adult, but his father's numb body meant he had to fill in his shoes quickly around the house.

Jessica - The Wife

It was New Year's Eve. I had just cleaned up after Brian and helped him up on our bed. I couldn't even tell if he was sleeping or still awake. He always stayed still. Just staring blankly into the distance. I went to the bathroom to freshen up. As I undressed and stood naked in front of the mirror. I looked at myself from head to toe.

For a 40 year old woman, my body wasn't in bad shape. Age did have its effect on me and I had a smallish plump under my navel. I had love handles around the side of my waist. I wasn't by any means fat or overweight. My hips were wider than in my younger days. My thighs were thick, but my belly was still slender and in good shape. My breasts were never huge. A generous 34 C's.

In the weeks of caring for my stationary husband, I had forgotten to care for myself. I had hair growing in my armpits and my pubes were unkempt. I had also resorted back to cutting and there were lines of red along my wrist and arm. Brian's accident, the stress, everything had taken a toll and I only knew one way to deal with it. To physically feel that pain. It made me feel lighter. This was my escape, my outlet.

I spent the evening doing some self care and took a long hot bath. When I was done, I put on a soft dark purple silk robe. It was rather long and went past my knees. I let my hair loose, as it was still a bit wet from my long hot bath and shower. I didn't wear makeup but the face pack I had on earlier worked wonders and my face had a glow to it. Too bad this glow was limited to my external appearance. I was still broken on the inside and hadn't had the time to unpack my feelings.

I fixed myself a glass of wine as I fell on the recliner with my eyes closed. My husband, my man, the father of my son was essentially dead. He was just a lifeless body that needed care and attention 24x7. Our marriage was as good as dead. I still had love for him but there was no more relationship between us. He was more of a burden now than anything else. Once again, my needs and my priorities had to take a backseat. I married him, because it felt safe. He understood me. He was a kind, nice man. A man I needed in my vulnerable younger days. He was the man I could trust. And he took good care of me. He satisfied all of his obligations as the man of the house.

Yes, I make more money than him, but he made sure to never let me feel like I was missing anything. Except, sexually. In bed, he fell short in a lot of ways, figuratively and literally. He couldn't satisfy me sexually. He helped me get over my initial hunch after what I'd been through. But he couldn't fulfill me as a woman.

Especially now that my sex drive was going through the roof, I was insatiably horny all the time. In the moment I realized, I hadn't used my magic wand or my bullet or my vibrator in weeks. Not since that fateful evening. I was horny, but so tired at the same time. Mentally, emotionally, physically exhausted. I wish there was just someone who'd pull up my robe and lick my pussy. Finger me vigorously, grab my hair, pull me on his cock and invade my throat muscles. I wish. But alas, there was nobody around me I could think of who could help. Heck, Brian never did any of those things anyway.

New Year

Just then, I heard my son's door knob twist and I was awakened from my deep thoughts. I quickly adjusted the helm of my robe, not realizing it had risen up to my waist as I was subconsciously playing with my clit. I saw my soon to be 18 year old son emerge from top of the stairs. His heavy, hard, shapely calves in those basketball shorts. He was wearing a loose white tee shirt as he carried his dirty dishes in his hands and walked to the kitchen to wash and clean them. He joined me on the couch across from me. It was 9:30pm. Just a couple of hours to go for new years.

Tommy: You okay Mom?

Jessica: Yes Tommy. Are you okay?

Tommy: I'm good Mom. Is Dad asleep?

Jessica: When is he not....(I mumbled)

Tommy: What?

Jessica: Yeah he's asleep. As asleep as he can be.

Tommy: I heard that...what you said.

Jessica: I'm sorry son. I've just got a lot on my mind.

Tommy: I know mom. I understand and I'm sorry. I know I haven't been the easiest to deal with lately. But I'm trying to be better. After what happened to Dad, I feel like you're just not the same. You're lost all the time and I feel bad for you. I don't want to add to any of your troubles. I don't want you to turn into grandma and if there's anything I could do to make your life easier with everything going on, I'll try my best.

Jessica: I've noticed honey. And I appreciate that. I've seen the change in you and it's good. It's like you're growing up so quickly. You're uhh...maturing.

I said that, as I observed his thick neck and broad shoulders. His biceps peeking out of his sleeves. My boy, my little Tommy, had turned into a big, strong man. He leaned forward and gently placed his hand on my right knee, showing support and care.

Tommy: As I said Mom. If there's anything you need help with. Anything at all I could do to make you feel better, I'm here for you. I love you Mom.

I raised my arm and placed it to the side of his head, gently caressing his hair.

Jessica: Oh Tommy, you're such a good son. I will honey. I just need to rest and maybe find a caretaker for Dad. I want to go back to work.

Tommy: I'll see if I can find someone so you get some time for yourself Mom. Between cooking, cleaning, doing things around the house, caretaking for dad you still want to go back to work? Are you sure? Isn't it too early?

Jessica: I guess honey, I don't know. Maybe I just want an escape from the responsibilities? Maybe I just need time for myself. I don't know.

Tommy: You definitely time for yourself. But Mom, sometimes, it's nice to have some company. Like right now.

Jessica: (chuckled) hahaha you're right. I am glad you're here. You just know how to make your mother smile. Thank you honey, I needed it.

Tommy: You look beautiful Mom, what did you do?

Jessica: Are you saying your old mom is not beautiful otherwise? (Teasing him)

Tommy: No..uhh..err. That's not what I meant...I just...

Tommy got all flustered as I playfully teased him for calling his mother beautiful. He was right, it was fun to have a nice fun conversation after days of melancholy and solitude.

Jessica: hahahaha calm down. I'm just messing with you. I just took a long bath and did some self care. Maybe that's what you mean by "beautiful"

Tommy: Ohh uhh Okay. haha but yeah mom, not just right now. You are beautiful! All my friends...

Jessica: All your friends what?

Tommy: No...Nothing, nevermind.

Jessica: Say it Tommy. All your friends, what?

Tommy: Mom! No, it's fine. Forget about it. I can't say.

Jessica: No! You did that the other day too. And you never told me. It's not okay to keep secrets from your mother.

Tommy: Jeez Fine! Okay...All my friends say you're really hot and that...

Jessica: Hahahahahah they must be blind. And what?

Tommy: And that you're a MILF.

Jessica: Oh!

Now that was definitely a shocker. I knew I looked better than most other 38 year olds, but I never imagined being the topic of conversation for my son's teenage friends. I wasn't naive. I knew what a MILF is. It was just surprising to hear that from my son's mouth.

Tommy: Yeah...See. That's why I didn't want to say it. I'm sorry. It was inappropriate.

Jessica: Hahahah...It's okay honey. Calm down. And yes, it is inappropriate. But no matter how inappropriate, it's not okay to hide things from your mother. Especially now that....I'm your only parent.

Tommy: Mom! Don't say that. Dad's still alive.

Jessica: Let's be real honey. He's barely just breathing and functioning. Yes he's alive. But he's just that. A life, a body that doesn't work. A lifeless vegetable. I'm just as sorry for him as you are, after all, we're his only family. I just can't get over how he has no quality of life. Since that accident, he's just kinda there. But can't speak, can't walk, can't eat, can't do anything. It's sad.

Tommy: I understand mom. Do you think he can see us? Or does he listen to us?

Jessica: Who knows. The doctors did say he had some senses still functioning.

Tommy: Well, what are you going to do Mom?

Jessica: What do you mean?

Tommy: Are you going to leave him?

Jessica: Oh gosh, of course not. He's your father Tommy. He's still my husband. I cannot leave him. Where's he going to go? Who's going to look after him?

Tommy: So you're going to live like this?

Jessica: I have no choice, son.

Tommy: I guess. But if you had a choice, would you...

Jessica: Would I what? And what do you mean by choice?

Tommy: Like...ugh okay..if we're being real and honest here. Mom, you know as much as I do, Dad's been...uhh...very passive as is. With you.

Jessica: mmmhmm..

Tommy: I mean...I see you two. Even in the same room, but you barely spoke. At dinner or in the car, you guys barely talked. You didn't really have a relationship.

Jessica: Wow! Was it that evident?

Tommy: To me anyways.

Jessica: I'm sorry...honey. I didn't mean to. We just had unresolved issues over the years and neither of us wanted to address them. It was easier to just cope and live with it. But now things are different.

Tommy: Yes they are. Now, you're stuck with him. Coz if you leave him, you're the monster for leaving your quadriplegic husband after his unfortunate accident and paralysis. And you stay with him, you continue to live this dull, dead, loveless, boring life.

I was surprised at Tommy's words. He was just about to turn 18, but had so much maturity. In fact, the thoughts I had so desperately tried to avoid, he had just spoken out loud and they hit home. He was right. I felt all of those things. I just didn't expect this understanding and thoughtfulness from my son. I guess, he is my son after all, and maybe he felt his mother's dilemma.

Jessica: Tommy....You've thought a lot about this huh?

Tommy: Yes. And as I asked earlier. If you had a choice. A choice to be with another man. Someone other than dad, would you? You know, for companionship.

Jessica: I hadn't really thought that far ahead Tommy.

Tommy: Well, it's never too late to think, Mom.

I lied. I had thought about it. I'd thought about this for years. What if, I was with a more assertive man. A more alpha man, a dominant man. Someone who would take charge and take control. And didn't wait for me to do everything and make all the decisions. But I couldn't tell my son that. I guess, we all have some things to hide.

Jessica: That's enough Tommy. I don't want to think about it right now. I'm happy as we are.

Tommy: I thought we weren't hiding things anymore Mom.

Jessica: I'm not hiding....

Tommy: Mom, I know you. I feel you. You're lying and you know it.

Jessica: Well, it's just a lot to take on. Let me make you a deal. But you have to promise too.

Tommy: Okay. What's the deal?

Jessica: It's going to be a new year in a couple of hours. We only have each other now. Your dad is merely just a piece of furniture. And in this little family, we need to communicate better, to take care of each other. In the new year, you and I, Mother and Son, we promise to not hide or lie to each other. Deal?

Tommy: hmmm...Okay Mom. Deal! I promise. Let's make it our new year's resolution.

I smiled and hugged my son in a motherly embrace. We had come to an agreement with how things will be going forward.

Jessica: Tommy. Your birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks. It's your big eighteen. I know Christmas was ruined because of Dad's accident. But I want to make sure you have a great 18th birthday like all your friends. Tell me what do you want for your big day?

Tommy: Hmm...we still have 2 hours until I can be honest and truthful, right? Maybe, I'll tell you in the new year Mom.

Jessica: Hahahaha you're so naughty. Okay, but tell me in advance so I can plan accordingly in case I have to order something. I may not have much time to prep.

We called the night off and wished each other a happy new year.

Tommy's 18th Birthday

The next two weeks flew by quickly. My son Tommy was going to turn 18 in a couple of days. I'd asked him what he wanted for his big birthday party and how he was going to celebrate it. I assumed he'd want to be with his friends or one of his girlfriends from school. My son turning 18 was a big deal for me, personally. He was now an adult. A lot of things change when you turn 18. Besides, now he'll be the other adult male in the house, or should I say the only adult male. Since, Brian was all but a piece of stationary, breathing, furniture now. So I decided to Text Tommy.

Jessica: Are you done with school?

Tommy: Hey Mom. Yeah just heading over to Aaron's for a bit. What's up?

Jessica: Okay. Don't get into any trouble.

Tommy: I'll try

Jessica: Thomas! Lol. You never told me what you wanted for your birthday. Did you decide yet?

Tommy: Hmm.. I've thought about something. Can I tell you tomorrow?

Jessica: Ok, but remember if I have to go get something or order something, it probably won't get here until after your birthday.

Tommy: I don't want any material things mom. I'll tell you what I want tomorrow. You won't have to get me anything.

Jessica: Alright. Are you coming home for dinner?

Tommy: Yes.

Jessica: Okay, see you at dinner. Careful coming home, it's snowing out.

Tommy: I know mom, jeez stop worrying about me. You've got a lot to worry about anyway.

Jessica: I'm your mother. I can't help it. lol.

Tommy: Once I'm 18, I'll be an adult and you won't need to worry about me at all.

Jessica: We'll see haha. Ok I gotta go feed your father. See you soon.

The following night, it was 9:30pm in the night and Tommy was still not home from his friends'. He would turn 18 at midnight. I figured he'd spend it with his friends like I'd assumed. I thought I'd surprise him with some decorations when he got home and dug up the storage closet for some ribbons and balloons. I'd already made him his favorite strawberry cheesecake.

As I was digging through the seasonal stuff from the storage closet. I stumbled upon the package of stuff sent by my husband's coworkers. I'd totally forgotten to unpack and put things in their place. I found his wrist watch, his favorite pen, some tools that could go into the shed in the backyard. His laptop and his cellphone.

He'd just got the new iPhone so I figured I'd charge it and give it to Tommy as a part of his birthday present. I put the cellphone to charge on my nightstand. I went out to the living room and put up the decorations next to the TV wall. Took me a good half an hour and I was exhausted. I went to take a shower and put on my night time silk pajama set.

It was now 11:15 pm and I got in bed next to my husband. And picked up his phone which was now fully charged. I unlocked the phone out of curiosity. I honestly felt a bit invasive, but I was so intrigued. He was lying right next to me. Not a single muscle moved. His eyeballs staring straight up at the ceiling. I don't know what I was looking for, but they say your phone is an extension of yourself. Honestly, I know it was a long shot but I hoped he was having an affair or at least had some secretary or neighbor he was cheating on me with. But nothing. He was literally such a nice, boring guy, he had nothing exciting going on.

Cuckold Confession

I swept through his messages, photos, social media apps, but nothing. Not one single exciting sign of adultery or inappropriateness. I finally gave up and figured I'd wipe the phone to factory reset and let my son use it. Just then I heard a ding. A notification on his email. It was a facebook notification, reminding him of his son's birthday. But that led me to his email. And I noticed he had tons of email drafts that were never sent. I opened the first one. And the subject was the day before his unfortunate accident. It was formatted like a letter. A letter addressed to me. It read as follows:

"Dear Jessica, it's been 2 days since I've been away from you. I miss you. I know we haven't really had a relationship in years. These are things I should talk to you about. But like I said yesterday, I just don't know how. If you ever read these or find out, I'd be so embarrassed. Especially what I said on your birthday"

I had no idea what he was referring to. But I acknowledged there was something brewing within him that he was hesitant to share with me. Now my suspicion was growing stronger. He was having an affair! I knew it!

I had to dig deep and find out more. What did he say on my birthday? I don't remember much other than an obligatory wish and a family dinner. I scrolled through the drafts titled with dates and found the entry for my birthday.

"Dear Jessica, Happy 38th! It's been 19 years since I proposed to you. I know how difficult it was for you to let me touch you. For you to open up to me, physically. To allow me into your painful secret. I couldn't even imagine what you must have gone through. It was hard for me too. I know how things have changed over the years. We're basically living as roommates. When you want sex I try and I give it to you. But I just don't enjoy it. I have never felt comfortable sharing this with anyone. I was never as strong as you to share deep dark secrets. I find you attractive. I really do.

I respect you, I love you. But, I just don't enjoy sex. I'm not asexual. I don't enjoy sex with you. I've done some research and I know what my problem is. I have a fetish. A thing that turns me on. And I'm such a wuss I can't even share that with you, fearing what you might say or what people would say. I don't see no option but to take this secret with me to the grave."

"I enjoy watching, Jessica. I like watching you. But I jerk off thinking about you with another man. A big, strong man, a bull, of sorts, taking you roughly. Gosh, I'm hard just thinking about this. I know you're my wife and I shouldn't have these thoughts. It's embarrassing as is, but I'm feeling turned on just writing this. Too bad you'll never know this side of me. My secret. I've fantasized another man brutally, roughly fucking you, having his way with your body, manhandling you, having sex with you. There, I said it. Or I guess I didn't."

"I could never share this part of me with you. I don't know how you'd react Jessica. I know what you'll think. You shared your secret about what happened with your uncle and what he did to you, that pathetic asshole. I don't wish that on anyone. But this is different. As I said, I've done some research.

I know what I am. I'm a cuckold. I've fantasized watching my wife have sex with another man. It's been years of internal struggle for me to realize this. And I know you'll never agree to such a thing. You're such a loyal, beautiful person. You're the mother of our son. You'll never participate in something like this, for your values and for Tommy. I know it. So this fantasy of mine. I'm just going to try to curb it down and bury it with me, until my last breath, to the grave"

Wow! I was beyond astonished reading this. But it all made so much sense. My husband was or is, a cuckold. He wanted to see me, his wife have sex with another man. That was his thing to get off. My mouth remained agape. I felt a cold shiver rush through my entire body. I had no idea my husband had such thoughts about me. I was shocked, yet turned on.​