Incest/Taboo Mom's Big Bed

So, I got up onto my feet and started to head inside; destination - the downstairs shower if there was room. I got a towel swat on the ass as I started to move to the door entrance to the kitchen. I turned around and saw the mob off women pointing to the large shower by the pool. It is an old setup built by the fellah that originally owned the place when he built it back in the 1950s. He had this wacky large-ass shower built into the pool patio complex, kind of like a locker room shower. Apparently he had alot of pool parties and apparently he was a clean freak who wanted everyone to shower off before hitting the water. I'd used it sometimes, but a lot of times it was where I put my bike.

"C'mon silly," Mom said motioning to the group pool shower, "we've got plenty of room and shower heads in there; besides, we have something special to give you. Line up everyone!" My aunts and my grandmother all got in a line on the way to the shower with mom blocking the entrance. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do but as I walked up to the head of the line I was pulled into a passionate embrace by my Aunt Becky. She kissed me and kissed me hard; just like it was in a sappy old 1950s love story with a wedding at the end right before the credits roll. I realized we had just been somehow married at least in the eyes of the family. We broke our embrace and I moved on to the next in line, my Aunt Sharon, and again the same thing played out with a deep romantic kiss and lots of OOOHHHs and AAAHHs from the spectators, (and a few catcalls as I remember). Next came Maria, and then Grandma.

Finally, I stood in front of Mom standing into the doorway. She held up a silvery ring like the ones she had on her fingers and thumbs and just like the ones my aunts and grandmother wore on theirs. She spoke to me with a smile on her face but with great seriousness and sincerity in her voice,

"Ian, today we are bringing you into the fold; into the THING of ours! This is more than the normal bonds of family...this is something MORE! If you accept; remember that your loyalty is to this family and THIS GROUP. We are a fused circle of strength and radiance much like this ring I give you to wear. Do you accept?" ....One ring to bring them all one ring to fuck them? -I forced the thought out of my head so that I wouldn't laugh. I wanted to get laid again and snickering in the middle of something important was not going to get me any more familial nookie!

"I do," I answered seriously, trying to channel something from my days as a boy scout and try to look solemn. With that my mother and I embraced in a passionate kiss that sealed the bond between us. We were more than a mother and son, we were now husband and wife in the eyes of this THING and my wives behind us (who happened to be the wives of my mother as well) applauded and hooted congratulations!

"Now then," said Mom, "get inside and lets all get cleaned up! We have big plans for tonight. BIG PLANS! We are going to initiate our newest member into our THING - in style!" We piled in and got the six shower heads running. Soon there was hot water and steam adding a great cloud in what would best be compared to a sauna at Lilith fair. The scene was kind of like standing in the middle of a lesbo locker room, complete with nasty jokes, soap suds being thrown around, and everyone spitting water at each other! It was as if all the chicks in a MILF porn fantasy had come together and just won a huge powder-puff football game and now they were celebrating in the locker room!

There is something about a bunch of stoned, drunk, MILFs and a GILF all taking a shower together and laughing hysterically that is...well...I wish I had a camera for that occasion! Don't worry, I have since shot some similar stuff for my website but that moment was original and unscripted; completely spontaneous – like the time I dove into the pool from the second floor balcony! Aunt Becky started doing some yoga poses in the shower and then not to be outdone my mother did a few where she pressed her body off the floor while in a seated position and then she raised her feet off the tiles so both legs were out in front of her at about forty five degrees from the horizontal like a pair of horns while her hands held her body like they were two duck feet or something. The two women were letting the shower heads hit them with water just like a fire hose while they were positioning in all these bizarre contortions. Not to be outdone, Aunt Maria then did this fucked up yoga deal where she went into this upside-down hands- planted head- down feet- up thing (locking her knees into her elbows). Then of course Grandma did her best "downward facing dog" pose; all the while the streams of water were smacking them in the cunts and in their buttholes and they were giggling like a bunch of schoolgirls who had just heard a rhyme that included the word Nantucket. Aunt Sharon and I just stood there looking silly- well for a moment!

Do you remember when I said Aunt Sharon kind of brought that special kind of crazy to things? She was a former stripper who also cut hair? Perfect storm crazy? Seeing others show-off brings out this weird competitive thing with her. If I hit ten basketball shots in a row, she HAS to hit eleven. If she sees you win a hand of poker...she wants to get a seat at the table just to clean you out...it's like a weird challenge for her! When she drinks, she will go drink for drink with people way over her weight and drink them under the table just to call them a lightweight. Since then, I have been in strip clubs with her where in the middle of a set, she will look up at some pole dancer who is humping her beaver with the stripper pole and tell me how she could "beat that high-heeled-hackjob any day of the week twirling on that pole!" Well anyhow she saw all this, and pushed a Becky and my Mom out of the way saying something akin to, "amateur night being over!" Then Aunt Sharon turned the shower head pressure up high and squirted soap on the floor (it's a wonder nobody slipped and fell and busted their ass!).

She then got down on the sudsy tiles and did this weird move I had seen in one of those lame-ass brake- dance movies from the 1980s that couldn't go fast enough to video (and then to the bargain bin at Walmart). It was one of her old stripper moves where she swung her legs around like a windmill and then pulled them "SNAP" together to force her body into a spin (like a top) laying on her back! Aunt Becky commented about her being such a drama queen show- off. Maria smirked and added to the highjinks by spreading her feet apart, and then leaning back slightly, she peed on her sister!

Now howls and shrieks of laughter exploded against the tiles as a jet of yellow streamed out of kinky Auntie Maria's pee-hole straight onto the spinning form of Aunt Sharon! Becky and Mom followed Maria's lead, and each raised a leg like a dog to join in the golden shower of my aunt – I couldn't believe what I was seeing! Do you think Aunt Sharon was fazed or horrified by all this? Nope - guess again! You gotta remember I had just fucked her in the ass earlier after she had told me she was a submissive. Well, that was still true.... I mean, most of the time she was an aggressive type-A personality but there was a part of her that liked playing the submissive doormat for a little while (she later told me it relieves stress for her). She likes losing control temporarily. She'll whimper and let somebody push her around for a bit as part of her flakey needs but at some point when she's had enough of being stepped on the little Tasmanian devil inside her will snap into action....especially if you've pissed her off!

The same middle-finger-at- the-world mentality that ran everything else in her life kicked in and she just stopped spinning, got to her knees, and just sat there taking it (middle fingers to her three golden shower nozzles)! She even opened her mouth to take some and then spit it back at Maria. Maria shrieked and banged herself against the shower wall trying to get away from a stream of her own piss spat out of Sharon's mouth.

Sharon was up on her feet now and with both hands at the side of her head like donkey-ears as she stood feet apart shaking her butt from side to side jeering, "NANNER NANNER BOO BOO!" before sticking her tongue out to her older sister! Maria who was now embarrassed at having flailed against the wall only to turn around and see her sister mocking her. She took a retaliatory step and kick into the space where Sharon's ass had been a moment before, only to miss and hit empty air as Sharon jumped out of the way and grabbed Maria's leg.

The two were now grappling and they both went to the floor while Mom and Becky stood over them laughing and cheering. For being shorter than Maria, Sharon was the scrappier of the too – hey honey badger just don't care I guess; anyway Sharon got Maria down and pinned underneath her faster than you could say, "Off the Top Rope" it seemed! Sharon and Mom had done some jello and mud wrestling in their past as strippers so this whole "wrestling on a soapy shower floor", thing was what would best be described as Sharon's core-competency. Don't challenge Michael Jordan to a lay-up contest and don't say to Aunt Sharon, "Ya wanna wrestle?" or what happened NEXT is simply gonna happen to you! You've been warned!

Sharon got Maria pinned down on her tummy with both of her arms behind her back. Maria was fussing and struggling but Sharon had her fast (complete with a knee in Maria's back)! Maria called to Grandma something like, "MA GET HER OFF OF ME!" Grandma stood next to me, hands on her hips chuckling and shaking her head saying,

"Maria, sorry...you instigated this, now you get to pay the penalty!" I looked at Grandma concerned. She put her arm around me and reassured me that this was just fun rough-housing and horseplay that "her girls" did from time to time. I wasn't too sure – they both could have cracked their skulls when they went to the tile floor like that! I was eighteen, -young, dumb, and full of cum, and I could see that wasn't a good idea! Anyhow, Grandmother had a hunch of just what was in Sharon's mind. She made eye contact with Sharon and with another chuckle; one of her hands on her hip and the other now stroking my cock absent mindedly she said,

"Ok Sharon let 'er rip!" A second later I saw Sharon adjust her leg position slightly while Maria lay head to one side, pinned beneath her. Sharon grimaced, stared straight ahead and marked her territory by pissing on the head of her older sister. She then dropped down and rubbed her crotch on her shrieking sibling's head! Apparently despite the fact that Grandma abhorred violence, she also believed in letting her girls...."settle" things. The oddest thing happened next, Sharon dropped Maria's arms and got up off her sister (giving her butt a smack in the process with both hands), and then stepping back offered Maria a "hand up". Maria looked up, bested but pretty much unhurt and took her sister's hand. When they were both on their feet, the two battling amazons hugged and kissed and gave each other a slap on the ass in the ultimate "good game" display. They even acted as though nothing had just happened as they whispered and laughed something I couldn't hear over the sound of the shower. Apparently there was another dynamic between Mom and the sisters that I didn't know about...and I had just seen them munch each other's carpets for the last few hours! Sheeze!

To call this fucked up and funny would have been and understatement. It was a good thing we had plenty of soap! Even more telling was that Sharon had only one and a half drinks and I think I saw her take one puff off a joint. Perhaps two. Most of the reefer and booze was being consumed by all the other ladies in the group (to include Grandma). Sharon was THIS crazy and she had barely touched anything mind altering! I was beginning to question the group's call to make Sharon the designated driver for the night!

Needless to say we went through a ton of shower soap and shampoo in the next few minutes. After we finally got cleaned up, we grabbed our things and headed inside to get dressed. We were hurrying because the Thai food was coming any minute. I wasn't really sure what I was getting dressed for. I put on clothes like I was going to a school dance. Mom had said something about "clubwear", like I was supposed to know what that was. I picked out some clean clothes halfway between formal and just a little "upscale" (or so I thought). When I came down the stairs my Aunt Becky saw me and she laughed calling to my mom down the hall saying, "HEY PETRA, YA GOTTA SEE IAN! I THINK WE ARE GOING TO NEED TO GO SHOPPING! IT'S A GOOD THING WE CLOSED ON THOSE HOUSES!"

Mom came down the hall in a bathrobe and took a look at me shaking her head saying, "Oh baby. Yup. You're going to be a fixer upper if there ever was one!.....Is that your hair for tonight? Sweetie...after we eat, we are hitting the mall before shit closes down. Your mom is going to spend some money on her new husband slash boy-toy!"

"...and so are your aunts!" said Becky nodding her toweled head. Sharon, came around the corner and looked at me standing on the stairs and said,

"Is he going to go sit for school pictures? He'll never get laid looking like that....not unless WE fuck him!"

"Relax Sharon," said Becky, "we are taking him shopping. Does your friend still work in the mall cutting hair?"

"Oh goodie! Shopppppinnng!" squealed Sharon with a voice that could cut glass! "Oh, and yes!....Let me call Antoine and tell him I have an EMERGENCY! I'd cut his hair but Antoine is really the guy to go to for men's hair and especially with that train-wreck of a mop on his head." She then looked straight at me shaking her head like she was making a HUGE sacrifice, "You soooo fucking owe me. I want PAYBACK sex from you later! Got it HUBBY!" I nodded. What the fuck was I supposed to do? I mean..I was now free to fuck as many women as I wanted in Mom's house, I had a harem of women who would do it, I could smoke weed and drink and smoke cigars,.......and I felt like I had ZERO decision making capacity. I now knew what the term "Golden Handcuffs" meant. Holy shit!

About that time the Thai delivery came. Sharon answered the door. A lady was at the door with the cartons of steaming food. Sharon and the lady immediately recognized each other. Her name was Margaret and Aunt Sharon knew her well – REALLY WELL! She was Vietnamese-American but she was working for the Thai delivery place while she was going to the university. Apparently my sister Linda knew her too from the conversation.

"So are you guys getting ready for a party? She asked, "You all seem to be getting dolled up in a hurry!" She hadn't seen me yet but I could see another thing about her from around the railing of the stairs that defied gravity and the laws of physics. She was a tall skinny Vietnamese chick with round cantaloupes for boobs – I MEAN GREAT BIG FREAKY GODDAMN BIG ONES; she looked like a Vietnamese Budweiser poster! As she turned to pick up some more cartons of food from outside I could also see from her jeans that she had a bangin hot ass – an upside down valentine style booty! Then it clicked for me...I had seen her and her twin sister running around the hallways in high school with my sister Linda. She had her hair different and I hadn't recognized her at first, (she and her sis had always trotted around school in pony tails...now those were gone, replaced by a luxurious black mane). She also had boobs now- something she definitely didn't have before, her tits before looked like mosquito bites compared to these fun-bags hanging from her rib cage now ; a lot had changed in her since she had graduated last year with my sister!

"No," Sharon answered, "we are taking our little tribe o' trouble out and hitting Club Discretions late. We might hit Christies Cabaret before that, but first we have gotta get ready and eat, then we are doing some quick shopping and hairdressing stuff at the mall."

"Oh," Margaret answered, "maybe my sister Mimi and I will see you out there! What time?"

"I don't know, I think we won't be at Discretions until about eleven. That place doesn't start popping until then anyhow! You want me to text you when we head that way?"

"Sure!" Margaret answered, "I remember the last time your group did your "path of destruction" routine; I couldn't walk right for three days after! My sis Mimi said she felt like she'd had everything parked inside her but a Mini-Cooper! Count us both in!" Sharon grabbed her purse and settled the bill. She gave Margaret a tip and then she kissed her and poked one of her boobs through her t-shirt saying, "BOOP!" Margaret then leaned forward and gave my aunt a kiss and shoved a hand up under Sharon's robe for a five count and the two swapped spit in the doorway until they both broke away with Margaret saying, "Later!" with a lingering eye contact sort of thing. She headed back to the delivery truck to get back to work.

Ok, I had a new problem but I had to keep calm! I had to focus and to not blow it. I SSSSOOOO wanted to have something to do with Margaret later that night (and if I could do it with Sharon participating...so much the better)! I would pretty much have to do whatever these women decided for me to do hair-wise and clothing apparel-wise; I mean hell, I was and still am a straight white guy. I am whiter than a polar bear money-shot in a blizzard that lands on a slice of Wonder Bread! What I knew about hair and men's fashion at that age, you could ball up and shove in your eye and it wouldn't so much as make it water! As I scarfed down Thai food with all these cackling women with towels around their heads sitting around the dinner table eating in bathrobes, doing nails, and adjusting makeup in hand mirrors, I had a resolution. It went something like this in my skull: "Ian you don't know what you are doing so let the experts do the thinking tonight! They are going to be your guides taking you up the river to the happy hunting grounds; do what they tell you. Otherwise you are way out of your depth!" It would turn out that my inner monologue would pay off.

The tribe finally (after what seemed like forever), got hair done, nails, eyebrows, and whatever else done. They got their club-wear on and slipped on their shoes (I guessed by the looks of things that "club-wear" meant a style that was something halfway between a wardrobe for a porno shoot and "Housewives of Orange County.") They moved things around to "purses for going out". Sharon got the van, up and running. Her Van; I had to let that sink in. ....Here is the thing; you have a woman as crazy as THAT, making money like THAT, and she is still driving a grey mini-van? What the fuck! It didn't even have a decent paint job...it had orange- peeled blue grey paint that was chipping off in places showing primer grey beneath. At least we could be certain we were not going to be victims of a car-jacking!

The reason for the van is it is good and practical for hauling around a bunch of stoned drunk Harpies (and possibly their dates). Sharon still has the Van, only now she and everyone else call it "Fifty Shades of Grey!" Incidentally her other car is a soft-top BMW roadster that she won't let anyone drive, except for me! – She likes to blow me while we haul ass down the highway in some "exhibitionist-motorist" shenanigans from time to time to freak people out and watch the stares -but hey I am getting off topic. Anyhow, we pulled out of the driveway and headed to the mall. Sharon called one more time just before we left to let Antoine know we were coming.

The van pulled into the mall fifteen minutes later. We got a parking space close to the mall doors and my posse of four MILFs and a GILF ushered me in through the glass entrance, down past the food court, down passed the herbal home remedy shop, down past the pet store, down past "Young-Miss" clothes store around the corner from the tuxedo and crappy leisure suit store. A minute later I was sitting in Antoine's chair.

The dude chatted up my mom and Aunt Sharon while he worked on me shaking his head. He looked at my mom and then looked back at me. He kept shaking his head and then he said to Aunt Sharon,

"So honey, you realize you got him in my chair just in time. I was thinking of closing early. Saturday night you know! You also understand that this long shit where you can't see the dudes eyes went out with ripped jeans and grunge music?" He said this more to me than to mom and Aunt Sharon who were both nodding like they already knew. He asked Mom what was the occasion, she said matter of factly,

"It's a date." Antoine looked at her sideways and then looked at me and asked me,

"So what kind of look are we going for?"

"Urban and a little bit Euro!" Sharon interrupted knowing I wouldn't have a clue. Mom nodded her head, one hand upon her hip.

"Definitely," Mom said agreeing with her sister, "he'll want to give the impression that he has been around the block more than once and that he knows which end of the chopstick goes in the Sushi." Antoine thought for a second what she said and then laughed to himself as he got the joke.

"Your Mom is a bad, bad girl!" he commented to me while he was clipping away at my hair giving me separation trauma as I saw bits of my hair falling away onto the floor.

"Oh he's not my son!" Mom said. Antoine and I both looked at her in one of those sitcom "HUNH?" kind of looks. All we needed was a laugh track and commercial breaks every eight minutes. She continued,

"What? We can't fix my little "stress relief" up the way MAMA wants?" Again, the "HUNH?" look hit her in the face from the hair dresser. He went back to cutting my hair and asked me, "Where did you meet HER?"

"Uh," I thought for a second, "I clean her pool and do her yard-work." Which was true, I did clean the pool and work around the yard as part of my chores at home.

"He cleaned out my backyard today!" chimed in my Aunt Sharon who was popping her gum. I saw him nod in the mirror he suddenly understood and all the pieces were falling into place. With Aunt Sharon it was a half-truth. I had actually reamed out her backdoor and nailed her front porch but- why split hairs, especially when they were being cut anyway?

"So which one of you ladies in this act is the sugar momma?" he asked. Both ladies raised their hands. He shook his head again.

"I take it there are no husbands to worry about?" he asked. He was prying now and digging for a little more juice.

"I am widowed and my daughter is away at college. Empty nest."

"And you know I am d-i-v-o-r-c-e-d Antoine," Sharon squeaked and popped her gum over and over. She leaned over and gave him a kiss on the cheek to her old friend. Antoine nodded as all the numbers and math now added up and made horribly funny sense. Maybe too much sense! He looked at her and asked,

"So you and your sister?.....Ummm honey..."

"Share?" said Sharon like she was helping him pick the most delicate and yet accurate word to ask. She nodded, popping her gum. Now all the facts and figures on the balance sheet told the story. He knew Sharon from way back when she cut hair and stripped so he knew she was capable of .....and well...it wasn't like he seemed too shocked!

"A pool boy and landscaper with game. Lucky fucking shit!" He finished up in about twenty minutes (shaking his head the whole time and laughing to himself). As I was checking out my new shorter hairstyle and wondering what part of Europe was it ok to look like this, the rest of the tribe walked up to see how we were coming along. It was like a barnyard full of cackling hens or honking geese got together to get loud as hell in the hair studio. Aunt Maria walked up with her biker jacket, her short short short dress and her fuck-the-shit-out –of-me boots and went wild when she saw me,

"HOLY SHIT HE IS HOTTER THAN BEFORE!" she said attempting to touch my shorter hairstyle. Antoine slapped her hand away and said,

"No no no – hon! That took a lot of effort to make him look like that. NO TOUCHY TOUCHY! Besides his sugar mommies will probably want to mess it up later!"

"Oh I think we will all get a chance to mess it up!" said Aunt Becky in her high heels and red club dress that showed off her "junk in the trunk" bootylicious badonk a'donk ass.

"Yes he worked so hard by the pool for me today!" said Maria who kissed me hard in the chair.

"And me," said Aunt Becky nodding her head emphatically.

"And me!" said Grandma!

Right about now Antoine was so quiet you could hear a hairpin drop as he tore up that mental balance sheet and did the "HUNH?" look again. Right about now a television audience would have been howling with laughter! If I ever get away from writing porno films I have hilarious material for a sitcom, it just couldn't come on before ten at night in most states!

"They all have pools!" said Mom to Antoine as she paid him.

"Not me," said Grandma, "I don't have a pool. I have a teepee with a huge yard and my pool is really a rain-barrel." Antoine started counting the money out and shaking his head as he tried to do the new math in his head. He looked at me and said,

"I just cut hair. I don't judge. Whatever it is kid,.....bottle it and sell it. You'll make millions!" We left laughing as Antoine started to sweep up his shop and Sharon waved back to him before turning to catch up with us, doing her bimbo walk in her short yellow dress and her yellow crazy-high heels.

"Next stop menswear!" announced Aunt Becky.

"But American Eagle outfitters is THAT way! What gives?" I asked pointing back to where we had just came from.

"Honey!" said Aunt Maria, " I am going to forget the fact that you just said that because we had great sex today but I just want to tell you.....you need to stop being such a complete BOY-TARD! We just got you a haircut that will get you laid by most women where we are going. We have to do something about those clothes!"

"Let us do the thinking and the dressing!" said Sharon taking me by the hand and leading us all into a store. Sharon and Maria seemed to know EXACTLY where they were going because I was whisked in like I was U.S. President with a posse of female Secret Service around me in high heels clacking on the floor and short dresses covering their asses. If you can imagine the President's bodyguard service being a bunch of MILFs and a GILF, which was exactly what it looked and felt like! Maria was now up ahead of the posse leading the way ...all she needed was an earpiece and an Uzi submachine gun. She turned a couple of times to look back at us and then she looked ahead until she found who and what she was looking for shouting back to Sharon,

"This way, its here!"

"I know," answered Sharon who hadn't let go of me, "I know the girls who work here too!"- and she did! One of them she knew PARTICULARY well apparently!

We walked to the edge of the clothing store up to a section that had men's apparel in all colors of the spectrum and we were greeted by a squeal from over by the dressing rooms as somebody recognized Maria and Sharon. A second later a tall Asian girl came running up to Maria doing the Hollywood hug n' cheek kiss thing and then Sharon dropped my arm and shot forward to do the same thing with the girl. I took a closer look as they were hugging and doing the "MUAH, MUAH, Darling" cheek pecks and saw that the girl looked exacly like the Thai delivery girl. Sharon turned back and introduced me to her,

"Ian Sweetie, this is Mimi," she said, "her twin sister Margaret brought us Thai food, and now she is going to dress you to absolutely KILL, SLAY, MAIM, AND BREAK HEARTS!"

"Who's is he?" she asked.

"Boy toy," Maria interrupted, "we are dressing him for a bit of partying tonight!"

"Oh shit yeah," Mimi remembered, "Margaret shot me a text a little while ago. Ok, y'know we will be there right? So again, which one of you is the sugar momma?"

"Well," said Maria pointing to Mom who was standing behind me with an arm over my shoulder rubbing my chest through my shirt while she playfully kissed my neck and raised her hand, "that one there devouring him for dessert discovered him, and today she has been ....um sharing?" Mimi nodded in an "Aha moment" as Maria went on,

"So if we wanted to continue having a bite of that sandwich we each agreed to pitch in and play dress up!"

"All you sisters and your mom too hitting the same boy! Holy shit Stiffler's Mom times five!" she donkey-honk laughed at her own joke and her boobs (just as big as her twin sisters, did a nice dance for me). She had said she was going to be there? There? Holy shit, I had to keep calm and not blow it because not one, but TWO hot Vietnamese twins of boob-fetish porno caliber were going to be at ....um...wherever this place was that Mom and the rest of the circle of hens kept talking about! I had to not DO or SAY anything stupid. I just smiled.

"Aw," Mimi said, "he's shy! That is so hot! Hey I have seen you guys rob the cradle before, but not all the same one! How old is he anyway?"

"Eighteen," I answered politely, again smiling but not too much.

"Really," she answered, "so what do you do for these ladies?"

"Mostly I do stuff around the pool," I said but then I pointed to my mom, "I also help her with her workouts." This wasn't a lie. I heard that if you bullshit people, sometimes little micro expressions give away the fact that you are lying. This way I wasn't giving things away too much!

"You guys are all gangbanging the pool boy and her workout coach? O-M-G, you chicks are ssooo off the hook! I ssooooo want to be like you all when I am your age!" Normally women would have taken offense at what Mimi said with the – when I am your age comment but these girls just laughed and Grandma commented,

"When you are our age, ...just keep up on the latest video games and cartoon characters so you have something to talk about while you feed em' cookies. Feed em' cookies and free pizza and young fellahs will make your teeth rattle all night long honey!" Grandma gave my ass a slap and ran a hand down my shirt with Mom's other hand while the group of MILF-wenches all cackled and cat-called. They were all having too much fun with this I could tell. Mimi laughed an joked right along with it and then said,

"Ok so Petra you found him,...how you want to dress him?" She already found a tape measure and was getting ready for whatever Mom requested.

"See his haircut?" Mom commented, "Antoine got him all Euro-ed up at the hair studio just now; I want something sophisticated to put on his back, his ass, and his feet to go with THAT haircut! I would like to get off a plane at the Cannes film festival and not worry about – does he look good or is he way too formal, I would want to be able to take him out to an Ibiza nightclub or go to a Caberet in Berlin. Nice, sophisticated, but not too tuxedo formal – he has to look like he knows how to have a good time!"

"Got it," Mimi chimed back at her as she turned back to the other ladies working in the store " GIRLS! I gotta CODE RED! -STRAIGHT WHITE GUY NEEDS UPSCALE SOPHISTICATION! Sugar Momma wants this Junior Beefcake Piece of Ass to look ready for a night out! He's got to make em' NOT think he has never been any place and that he knows which end of the glass the ABSYNTHE goes in!" The store girls laughed and flew into action while one girl brought cups of coffee to my Mom, my aunts and grandmother.

I was getting measured, pulled, and prodded. I felt like a prize 4H exhibit at the county fair! There was a flurry of focused laughing nervous energy around me as I was whisked back into a dressing room and then out for either head nods by my posse of mature critics or headshakes before I was whisked back again into the mirrored chamber to change into something else. Over a period of about forty five minutes the ladies and the girls at the store built a set of clothes around my haircut. When I finally emerged (complete with a set of snake skin boots on my feet that one of the girls had chosen for me), and I stood before Mom, my aunts, and Grandma wearing more black silk than a hearse and a set of red twill pants that looked like I had mugged a hipster; I heard stunned silence! The jaws of all the ladies of my family fell down through the floor into the shoe department, then the group gasped and whistled! Mimi and the girls next to her took a bow as they were met with a heart-felt round of applause! Mom walked up and gave me one more thing from the jewelry counter.....a chromed-out watch that looked like the airspeed indicator on a jet fighter.

"Take of that running watch and put it in my purse, this goes better with that ensemble. It also matches that ring on your hand!"

"It does!" agreed Mimi, "It absolutely does! No definitely swap out watches but also don't let anything happen to that ring! It so goes with everything else," she said.

"Yes," agreed Mom making eye contact, "it DOES!" She gave me a kiss right there in the store in a fashion that said she was now taking her little bit of arm candy out for some fun!

"Any chance I can measure that inseam of his again?" asked Mimi while the girls behind her giggled.

"You'll have more than enough chances to do that later tonight!" answered Aunt Sharon. Again another explosion of laughter rose from the women as Mom and the aunts and Grandma "split the bill" with credit cards at the register. I was now.....BOUGHT. It didn't really feel that bad.

"See you tonight?" Mimi asked me as she handed the ladies their receipts.

"Sure!" I answered. I was certain I had to work on saying things but SURE was harmless enough and didn't make me sound like a dork. I also remembered to smile...not too much and not too little!

I was now taken away by my Presidential pussy posse, my old clothes socks and shoes (and underwear) all in a shopping bag. We waved back at the girls in the store who were still laughing and celebrating after the $ales commi$$ion that they had just $cored! I even saw a little volleyball style high fives being passed around – complete with slaps on their butts as they said, GOOD GAME! GOOD GAME!

We filed back into Aunt Sharon's "cackle wagon" as we dubbed it. It was now dark and the sun was just a glow out on the horizon. Night was here; time to do whatever it was that we were going to do! I sat in the second row of seats in the minivan between Mom and Aunt Maria. They were all chatting and yacking up a storm about my "development". It was quite the loud merry band of "sisters" I was sitting in the midst of as we roared on down the road with Sharon at the wheel to our next destination, that being Christies Cabaret!

Grandma opened up a bottle of Tequila in the back seat and was passing around shot glasses as we bounced down the road. When be pulled into Christies, the last of the shots was being passed up; that being given to the driver -my crazy Aunt Sharon. She downed her shot before she shut the engine off! I could tell this was going to be one hell of a night! Again, I was given the Presidential treatment and whisked from "Mini-Van One" across the parking lot with my posse of "Secret Split-tail Service" agents and brought up to the front door. At the door, the bouncer gave me a look like, "Yeah right," but he recognized the ladies. He opened the door for us and we hit the cover desk where my drivers license showed I was eighteen. I got a stamp on my hand and was told I couldn't drink by the head bouncer and then they made us sign in at a book at the desk which was all new and strange to me. Mom and Grandma were a little punchy from doing three Tequila shots where the others and myself had knocked back only one. Mom signed her name "Willie Makeit" and Grandma signed hers "Betty Wont". Afterwards they laughed at their little joke like it was so funny and original although it was kinda lame.

Anyhow, a lady whom I assumed was the manager or assistant manager came up to the desk and recognized my mom and the rest of the posse. Mom and Sharon had danced there of course but the whole group was absolutely INFAMOUS for their time spent in the place just partying and groping the strippers. The lady introduced herself to me as Monika and asked who I was. Mom said she and the rest of the group had finally robbed a cradle while my aunts and grandma cackled and laughed. Monika looked in the book and saw I had signed in as eighteen so I wasn't TOO young but she then made a joke standing next to my Aunt Maria saying I needed to at least come up to her chin as there was a "height requirement" on that ride! Maria punched Monika in the arm and the two did a quick "attention getter makeout kiss" forcing couple of old-dude farts inside the club to turn and look before they then turned away as the ladies made eye contact with them and giggled.

Monika asked us if we wanted a booth and Mom said definatley, because this was my first strip club experience and she wanted to "break me in special!" Monika led us to a booth and topless waitress took our drink orders. Naturally, with me and my stamped-hand, I had a coke to nurse while Mom and Sharon used their ex-stripper status with the place to get special drinks and special prices for them and the "Posse". I sat in between Mom and Sharon in the booth and watched as the act on the stage switched up.

Up on the stage was a Mexican stripper introduced as "Carlotta Piñatas." She had a set of runaway-enormous fake boobs so her stage- name was appropriate! I could easily see me swinging the stick between my legs at them while wearing a blindfold! The girl who had just swapped out on the stage with her was "Holly Peño" who looked Mexican American and with a nice rack and a nice heart-shaped rear. She walked off the stage, came straight to our booth and hugged Sharon and then passed out hugs and kisses to the rest in the group. When she got to me she asked,

"Who is he? You guys baby-sitting for somebody tonight?" She let out a Fran Drescher kind of laugh that was so annoying it could break glass! Mom said she and the girls had picked up a boy toy and they wanted to spoil him with a night out after being "so good" for them today! Money from Mom exchanged hands with her and the next thing I knew, I was being pushed back on the booth's cushions for a lap dance. Holly Peño was my first lap dance but not my last! As she bumped and grinded my crotch, Mom kept slapping her ass that was only covered by a little red thong. My mother and her knew each other from previous "girls-night-out" events. They chatted while Holly kept grinding me through the pants.

"So you say this guy does yard and pool work for you?" Holly asked my Mom.

"Among other things!" Grandma interrupted and the aunts all tittered and giggled.

"He's also going to help me spearhead," Mom added, "my website."

"Website?" Holly asked, "You are gonna have a websight? For what?"

"What else?" Mom answered, "PORN! I want to start a porno website and link it up to one he's developing. We expect it's going to make us quite a lot of ca$h!" With Mom's words she had Holly's rapt attention! When the song finished, Holly kept talking and grinding away on my boner, unaware that the time was up – she just kept going and talking about the business concept with Mom and Grandma and my Aunts. She then turned back to me as the second song was ending,

"Oops, looks like I stayed longer than I should have but anyhow...that would be so cool if you could get this going! Hey...are you looking for any other girls?" she asked.

"Other girls?" I replied.

"Yeah," she responded, "I would love to finally have a website where people would pay to look at me naked. I could play with myself online and sell photos of me by day and at night I can keep stripping! Hey I could even talk to some of these other girls here about you...that would be so cool!" And the bait placed by my mom was in the fish's mouth! It was just that easy! As Holly got off my boner Mom slipped her some more money and now Holly began to give my mother a lap dance while they continued to discuss the "business arrangement". By this time my grandmother had flagged down Carlotta Piñatas and shoved some money in her hand and pointed to my boner...my grandmother had just bought me my second lap dance of my life and Mom was busy hustling business for our porn site. Awesome couldn't come close to describing it!

Within a minute and a half of Carlotta commencing to grind on me, Holly, who was still grinding my mom had told her fellow stripper everything about the business deal. One thing led to another in the conversation and now I had two clients! We just kept reeling them in like fish. Some lap danced on me, some on Mom, some on Grandma, and some on my Aunts. All told us they wanted "in" and Mom said she would set it up with me - her new "boy toy" where I could work with them one- on- one to get their sites up and networked with ours, it was just going to take time. We also got their contact information (and I would later find out when I got home, I had seven freaking Facebook friend requests, all from strippers at Christies, but that was much later and this evening was still young)!

Soon Monika, the manager came by to chat with my mom and talk about old times. While I was watching the next act on stage Mom was even working the Monika, the assistant manager on how she should maybe "augment" her income by posting a website. Monika listened and by the time we were done there, I even had the assistant manager giving me her contact information – make that seven Facebook friend requests and Monica's email for a sum total of eight clients. Not a bad first night's haul and we were just getting started! Mom leaned over and told me as Monika got up that over the next few weeks we would be hitting all the strip clubs in the area to "mine the talent". We were going to have a stable of girls to choose from, and this was just the tip of the iceberg! About that time Sharon got a text on her phone,

"OH hey," she told my mom, "that was Margaret and Mimi, the Thai food girl and her twin sister who helped dress Ian in the store; they say that they are ready to head out now!"

"I think we are ready to bump and move too!" Mom told her. Sharon texted back to the twins to let them know we were headed out to Discretions next. We got up and we got a ton of waves from the dancers as we left. It was 10:30, I had a massive boner in my pants from having had several strippers bump and grind upon me and Mom whispered in my ear that the night was just getting started!

We piled back into the mini-van and the first thing that happened was Grandma lit up a joint. Mom had me pull down my pants and expose my boner as we drove out of the parking lot. She and Aunt Maria sat on either side of me on the mini-van seat and took turns blowing me. On one of the occasions when Mom came up for air she explained her logic,

"We are going to a swinger's club Ian," she said, "and you are going to need to keep a good cool head. Going into a place like that with a boner is a sure fire buzz kill! It's like a loaded weapon that could misfire. I want you cool, calm, and collected when we stride through the door!" With that she dropped her head back down and blew me while I kissed Aunt Maria in the pot-smoke filled mini-van! In a couple of minutes I was ready to cum and I blasted a huge double barreled nut-load into Mom's gobbling mouth! She swallowed most of my load and then leaned across to kiss Maria and give her a taste of my sperm. With that, she zipped me up and patted my crotch saying we were now ready for an evening of swinging!

When we got to the club, Grandma passed around another round of tequila shots while we sat in the parking lot. Mom told me that social clubs in the area don't allow alcohol on the premises so we could have a shot now but inside it was going to be all soda's an juices at the bar. Arizona morality laws, - go figure!

We got inside and again, there is was a desk. You have to show I.D.s and the whole nine yards. Once again there was a lady working the desk as she took our "membership fees" and she sized me up and judged I was a little on the young side. Her name was Millie and she was another "old friend" of Mom's, my aunts, and grandma – they all knew each other!

"So where did you ladies snag that one?" she asked my Mom.

"Toyz R' Us!" Grandma interrupted, creating an explosion of laughter from all the women - to include Millie! Mom kept the ruse up that I was her pool boy and she had seduced me. She said that now she wanted to show me her "lifestyle". Millie commented that if my mom had half a mind, she could share me with HER! Mom told Millie that since she and her were old friends, anytime she wanted to borrow me, it would be fine with her! The two shared a cackle as Millie gave my chest a rub and then ran her hand across my tush. She then stepped aside and politely swept her hand towards the entrance as if to politely say STEP RIGHT THIS WAY PLEASE, and Mom led me into the club.

We headed up over to the juice bar. There were about two dozen couples in the place already and a bunch of singles. It was Saturday night and it looked busy, but then again; I had nothing to compare it to. "Busy" was a relative term if this is the first time you have been in a swing club....with your relatives! Anyhow, we saw several people paired off dancing on a disco floor in the center of the club. Some folks were clothed, some were naked, and some even looked like they were in a lingerie sleepover ; it wasn't like it was really that important to keep clothes on in this place! Around the dance floor was a border of couches upon which sat several couples flirting and talking (and in a few cases making out or having sex). Again like the dance floor the situation was mixed on the couches; some were clothed, some were naked, some were wearing no pants, some women even had their dresses pulled up to their chins to expose their crotches to the air conditioning! On one couch a blond woman was blowing a man while next to him sat his wife, calmly chatting up a storm with another lady who was naked as the day she was born and laughing loudly over the music from the DJ booth. Mom and I had separated from Grandma and the aunts who were back by the door scoping out the buffet of possible fuck material for the evening. Mom gave me a good hard kiss and told me to just follow her lead as we stood at the bar.

"Just lean back against the bar," Mom whispered in my ear. I could barely hear her over the loud music but she pushed me back against the bar and then she ran a hand across my shirt saying, "hold yer head up and be sure to smile at people!" She unbuttoned the middle buttons on my shirt and ran a hand inside to stroke my chest. There were some couples now watching us from some couches around the dance floor in the center of the club. Mom knew we had an audience. She kissed me on the neck, and then Aunt Becky clicked across the club in her high heels motioning for Grandma to follow her. As Becky passed, she stopped and said, "HI!" and then kissed me full on the mouth before switching to my mom and then slapping her on the ass and walking off. Grandma stopped in front of me and did the same; kissing me on the mouth and then kissing my mom and giving her ass a slap. The couples down on the couches saw all this. They were now talking and trying to figure out the back story, Mom and my aunts had set up the "bait" perfectly.

A minute later, Sharon and Maria walked by holding hands and then stopped in front of us; Sharon kissing me and Maria kissing Mom before the two switched. Now Maria had her tongue halfway down my throat and Mom and Sharon were in a torrid make out kiss lasting for a what must have been a half minute; all the while my mom kept her hand inside my shirt rubbing my chest. When my two aunts finally broke their liplocks on us and walked away, several more couples were eyeing Mom and me!

It was pre-planned and staged and contrived....and it fucking worked! A few couples smiled and waved, and my mom returned the wave and told me to just keep smiling like I was doing. She told me to look happy, like I had just won a million dollars. She wanted us to throw out a positive vibe like we meant no harm and we were just glad to see everyone here and that as long as we kept showing that positive energy, that marvelous slut Mother Nature would do the rest!​