Chapter 01
It had been a quiet and comfortable life with my late husband, if not one filled with passion. When we married, he was full of life and energy, but he fell sick soon after and it lingered for many hard years. His passing was a great tragedy for our family. It was a challenge, more so for me as the stepmom in a family now in flux.
His daughter had just graduated from college and married her college boyfriend a month before he passed. Emily had been close to her father, and she took his death the hardest. She was over at my house so often over those first couple weeks that I invited her and her new husband to live in the guest house outback. I had no desire to live in such a big house alone. I knew Emily and Mason had been struggling in their first year of marriage, but she had been quiet about why. That is when my whole idea of love and happiness changed, and I began on an amazing and wild journey of self-discovery.
Emily and Mason met in college, she was a bit of a wild child and her relationship with Mason definitely tamed her. He is a quiet young man, raised in a very conservative family, and I knew his vows of chastity had meant a lot to him while they dated. My daughter had talked endlessly in the months leading up to their wedding about how excited she was to show all the pleasures of the bedroom to her hunk of a man. Mason had always been shy and quiet when she spoke of these things, his cheeks blushing. She didn’t speak of it after their honeymoon, and I assumed all was well. That first night I learned the opposite was the case.
I had been sitting up in the dark drinking a cup of tea and trying to ignore the sad thoughts tumbling around in my head when I heard yelling coming from the guest house. Curious, I stood up and walked over to the kitchen windows and looked out. The lights were on in the living room and I could hear my daughter arguing with Mason but couldn’t make out the words. My curiosity got the better of me and I slipped into the backyard and crept up to the back of the pool house, where I could hear them and not be seen.
“It’s just gross Mason!” Her voice rang out loud and clear, but I couldn’t make out the reply, Mason’s voice being too deep and low, but my stepdaughter responded right back.
“Once a day is more than I want, and the only reason I put up with it that much is because you swore, you swore Mason that you wouldn’t watch porn and jerk off!”
Again, I couldn’t make out the reply and I sidled forward, risking being seen if they glanced out the window, but then froze when I heard myself mentioned.
“What if my mom walked in and saw you! I don’t want you watching porn again, promise me!”
My son-in-law spoke again, but I couldn't make it out and I heard my daughter's voice soften. Their argument ending, I slipped back into the house. My curiosity was burning as I poured over her words. Pornography had never been something we dealt with in our house. My late husband had preferred to take care of his business in the shower, and if he did watch porno’s I was oblivious to it. I began to worry that my daughter did not understand the needs a man had. I resolved to speak to her as soon as I found the right moment. It wasn’t until that weekend when Mason went out with their dog for a walk in the hills and Emily and I sat drinking coffee and scanning our phones when I brought it up.
“So how has everything been since you moved in?” I asked her.
“It’s wonderful, thanks again mom," she said, "You have no idea how nice it is not having our bed in the same room as our kitchen. That studio was tiny!”
“It’s been so nice having you both here,” I glanced at her and tested the waters said, “Sometimes it can be difficult adjusting to living with someone at the beginning of a marriage, with all that entails, how is everything in that regard?”
“We’re good,” she said, but I saw her eyes flicker as she avoided the real answer and I pressed her.
“Emily? What is it?” She turned to me and I saw she was about to lie again and mask the issue, but then she broke down.
“Oh, mom, it’s been so hard,” she said, and I was surprised to hear anger mixed in with the frustration in her voice, “I’m just so miserable and I don’t know what to do.”
“What is it, dear? Has Mason been abusive or a bad husband?”
“Oh no,” she said, wiping her tears away with a slender finger, “nothing like that. He is the same smart, kind and hardworking man as always… but there is a side of him I never knew… Mom, how often did you and dad… you know… when he was around?”
“You mean,” I made a little motion with my fingers and raised my eyebrows.
“Yea,” Emily said, her cheeks blushing as she struggled to meet my eyes, “I’m sorry I should even ask.”
“Don’t be silly, you can ask me anything dear,” it felt so wonderful to have my daughter opening up to me I struggled past my own embarrassment, pushing it down and thought back, “Well over the past ten years or so, I’d be lucky if we made love once a year, but in the beginning we would come together a couple times a week.”
“So, it wasn’t like ten times a night, every night kind of thing?” She asked, looking up at me.
“Oh, lord no!” I shook my head, “No, things like that only happen in smut stories, don’t place those kinds of expectations on Mason, you’ll only make the poor man feel inadequate.”
“You don’t understand mom, Mason’s appetite is… endless,” she grew annoyed as she continued, “The first couple weeks were wild. But I thought it was just because it was his first time, you know? That after a day or two he would settle down to maybe once a day. But he won’t stop, he wants it all night and I just can’t deal with it. If only there was a way I send him to be with someone I trust and love, then I could get some peace!”
“Oh my,” I said, my breath coming deep and heavy as I imagined my quiet, handsome son-in-law as such a beast in the bedroom, “Try talking to him about this, telling him what it is your needs are. He is a good man, I’m sure he will understand.”
"Yea, your right," she said, "thanks for listening to mom."
I spent the morning thinking about my daughter’s problem. It was ironic in a way, Emily had been a party girl when she was younger and spoke of sex and her love of it openly, often to the embarrassment of the strait-laced Mason. The young man was reserved and quiet, spending enormous amounts of effort getting his own wine merchant business up and running. It was hard for me to imagine him as the man my daughter described.
One of the joys of having Emily move back home was being able to cook family meals again. Their kitchen was being remodeled slowly and she and Mason would join me for dinner three or four times a week and I loved feeding them. This afternoon I went to the store and got a rack of lamb, fingerling potatoes and cabbage for a nice slaw. I was busy preparing the meal, oven roasting the lamb, when Mason got home from work. I had always thought he was a handsome and thoughtful young man, but I’d never before looked at him in that certain light, as I was now.
He is tall and broad of shoulder and chest, hard from a daily workout regimen. He has black hair and dark green eyes that always look like they are brooding on something profound. He was an athlete in high school and college, playing both football and baseball, and he still played with his friends in local leagues. I watched him now as he smiled at me and went over to the basket of fruit, picking through it with his big strong hands. For some reason, seeing his strong hands put heat in my lower belly, I hadn’t felt in years. My eyes tracked his firm butt as he shifted from foot to foot and when he placed his hand down on the counter and lowered himself into a chair, the corded muscled of his forearm, sent a shiver straight to a place that hadn’t been touched in years.
I set down my apron, making an excuse, and ran up to my bathroom. I had my pants and panties down in moments and the second my finger touched my wetness I felt a shiver of incredible pleasure wash through me. Unbidden to my mind was the image of Mason shirtless and full of lust, taking me again and again.
When I came down from my massive orgasm, I felt shame wash through me but also forbidden pleasure. It had been so long since I had given myself such pleasure. I sat there breathing heavily and realized this was the first bit of genuine joy I had felt since my husband’s death, and I felt doubly guilty. I came two more times in the bathroom in quick succession; the need overriding my shame. Then hurried downstairs to tame the slightly overdone lamb from the oven.
The food turned out wonderfully, but as the three of us sat around the table, the tension between Mason and my daughter was palpable. Mason’s eyes were downcast and his face sad, while Emily hen-pecked his every action. I stayed out of the arguments and tried my best to redirect the topics to safe spaces, but by the time the meal was over Emily had stormed out to their place, frustrated and angry. Mason sat quietly staring after his wife, his face full of turmoil.
"How are things, Mason?" I asked him.
“I love her so much,” he said, his deep voice quiet, “but I didn’t realize how much of a sacrifice marriage would be.” He stood and helped me clear the table. My nerves were on fire and the one time his elbow brushed my side near the sink, I could still feel the touch hours later.