Incest/Taboo Unbelievable

The pocket sliding doors of the den sounded in a thump as John closed them. Turning around, seeing how it was only Ruth and her sister in the room. Noting how the woman beside Ruth, whose body language screamed out 'Don't touch!', had hidden herself in oversized clothing.

"Give us the room," Johnny said, looking over at Ruth. He knew she would never understand what her sister went through. Even if she was drugged at the time. It was still a violation.

"You sure?" Ruth asked; her amber eyes glanced to him, then back to her younger sister.

"I'm sure," Johnny nodded. "You wouldn't understand."

"But you can?" the woman asked, peering intently at John.

"More than you know," Johnny said ominously.

"Listen to him, Yasmine," Ruth uttered in a plea as she placed a hand on her sister's forearm.

"Why? What could he know?!" Yasmine shouted.

"Because I was raped for two years to your one time," Johnny said darkly, narrowing his eyes at the woman. "So I know a lot more about being violated than you do. So don't assume, at all, that you think you know more about Ra*e than I do."

"Johnny, I think I should stay, just in case you need me to calm you down," Ruth said, seeing that look in his eyes. The same look she had seen at the lake.

"Suit yourself," Johnny shrugged. "I'm gonna sit here," pointing to the love seat across from Yasmine, "so you don't feel threatened."

"I don't?!" Yasmine said, getting defensive.

"You do; your body language says so," Johnny said, lowering himself onto the seat.

"Why should I listen to anything you have to say?!"

"Sis, I asked Johnny here for a reason; he doesn't like talking about what those men did to him. This is a big step for him, do not fuck this up," Ruth warned in that older sisterly voice.

"Didn't you tell me he was just a crazy..."

"I think we're done here. If I want to be insulted, there are better places for that," Johnny said, getting up from his seat.

"Johnny, wait?!" Ruth said, surging from her seat. "Please, don't go; Yasmine is just being difficult. You know how it is. You, yourself, were like this. Just please talk to her, help her see there are places that can help her."

"Does she want to be helped?" Johnny asked with a pointed look. "It seems to me she doesn't. Seems like all she wants to do is be angry all the time. Understandable, I was too, still am," he admitted.

"Then tell her why you aren't the same boy I met when you were sixteen," Ruth said with pleading eyes.

"If I do that, I'd have to start from the beginning, and I don't think she can handle it," Johnny said, pointing at Yasmine.

"Try me, crazy boy," Yasmine sneered. Jumping in her seat when Ruth struck her upside the back of her head.

"You do not call Johnny that?!" Ruth growled, coming to John's defense.

"Y-you hit me," Yasmine stammered in shock.

"Damn right I did! I'll do it again if those words come out of your mouth," Ruth said bitterly. "Please, Johnny, retake your seat, and let's try this again," she said, looking over at him.

"You know this is so weird coming from you," Johnny said in a matter-of-fact manner.

"I know," her voice held the shame of her past actions, "yet I am getting better, am I not?" Ruth asked once John retook his seat.

"I'll give you that," Johnny agreed.

"Fine, I'll play along," Yasmine grumbled, thinking John had no idea what being raped felt like. "So, when did it happen?" Seeing her sister glare at her at the tone she had taken.

"The first day I was in Raven Dale and every day after that for two years," Johnny said coldly. "It's why I don't go by my given name. You might not remember what happened to you. I do not have that luxury. Every night, every day, every fucking second of my life. I hear his voice in my head. Smell his foul breath. The feel of his hands. The..." Stopping himself as his fist curled around his shorts. Feeling his anger bubbling to the surface. The urge to stick a fountain tip pin into the man's neck like Julia had done to her own rapist. "You were only raped once. I'm not saying this to disparage your ordeal. I'd never do that. But you have no idea what it's like to listen every night to the screams that haunt me.

To the pleas, to the beatings, to every single fucked up thing those people did to us. For two fucking years! So you sit there playing the victim when there are far more people in this world that have and had it worse than you. You lash out at people that want to help you," Johnny said, gesturing to Ruth. "I get it," he spoke before Yasmine could utter a word. "Took me a long time to open up about it. Do you have any idea what it's like having grown men violate you over and over and over while you're chained to the ceiling in one night do you? No, you don't, and I pray you never do. So don't sit there and say I do not know what it's like to be raped. Have a train run on you for six hours, then get back to me, and we'll compare notes."

Ruth sat there in shock and wide-eyed. She never heard this from him before. She could even see her own sister shocked and revolted by what John was telling them.

"Yasmine!" Ruth called out as her sister raced from the room after John had been detailing the events of life in Raven Dale for the past thirty minutes.

"Ruth? Is everything alright?" Bill asked, stepping into the den, seeing how green in the gills Ruth was at the moment.

"I don't think she could handle the truth," Johnny said, peering over at his older brother.

"What truth?" Bill asked, confused.

"Everything," Johnny said vaguely.

"Define..." Turning around when he heard someone approaching.

"Hello, Bill," Yasmine said, still feeling queasy after hurling the contents of her stomach into the toilet bowl.

"Hello, Yasmine," Bill greeted, looking back at Ruth when that was the most polite greeting she's given him in the past year. Wondering just what was being discussed in his family's den.

"Give us the room, would ya? I'm not done yet," Johnny said, looking up at Bill.

"There's more?!" Yasmine and Ruth exclaimed in unison.

"All you've heard was what happened in the first month. I still have a year and eleven months to detail," Johnny said truthfully.

"The first month?!" Ruth muttered slack-jawed. "No wonder he was so angry! Hell, if it were me, I'd be a raving basket case?!" she spoke in her mind.

"Please, I believe you," Yasmine stammered, sitting down next to John on the loveseat. "I don't know if I can handle more," she said in defeat.

"I guess you can stay then," Johnny said, turning his attention back to Bill. "That is if Yasmine wants an audience for this."

"Bill knows. I'm okay with Bill."

"Get the door," Johnny said when Bill started to walk towards the couch that Ruth was sitting on. "Not everyone needs to hear this," he stated when his brother gave him a look.

"Okay, so what are we discussing?" Bill asked, taking a seat beside Ruth. Looking over at her as he felt her trembling at her light touch.

"Shh! We aren't, we're just observing," Ruth whispered when John turned his sole attention to her sister.

"Where was I," Johnny muttered, "ah, yes, that little fucking room," he seethed with hate. "Every night, I would wish that chain would snap so I could strangle the man with it?! How I just wanted to shove all those bastards into that room, slit their throats and drown in their blood. At least then Julia would still be alive, even if I wasn't. Yet... that isn't the case; no, that can never be the case. I must endure. I owe her that much even if I have to listen to her screams in my dreams every night." A single tear rolled down John's left cheek. Ignoring how Ruth kept Bill rooted when he started to get up. "Yet... that isn't the worse of it..."

"It's not?!" Yasmine muttered in shock. What she had heard so far was far, far worse than her one time. Sure, yes, she was violated, taken against her will. However, she was drugged and couldn't remember a thing. Not like what John was telling her of his experience.

"No. It's not. When they had their fun or one of the more sadistic ones was on shift at the time, they would join in. Not in the Ra*e. They got off on my pain and fear as they would whip me with a metal coat hanger or a belt with metal studs on it while one of their pals was raping me repeatedly." Seeing Yasmine look at the other two, who nodded that they had seen the scars. Only to cause Yasmine to feel her stomach heaving once again as she bolted out of the room at the revulsion of how sick some people are that could do that to a thirteen-year-old boy.

"Can I hug you?" Yasmine asked, after an hour and a half of speaking of things that no one should speak of, yet the world is a cruel place, filled with equally cruel people. John Masters learned that the hard way.

"Normally, I'd say no, but okay," Johnny said, seeing the woman's understanding in her eyes.

"Sorry, I was a bitch earlier to you. You're right; I wouldn't understand what you went through," Yasmine whispered into his ear.

"We each have our own terrors that torment us," Johnny said, patting her back. "Ours just happens to be people that are alive but are better off buried somewhere no one will find them."

"I can totally get behind that," Yasmine nodded vehemently. "Would you mind if I came with you, Wednesday, just to see if finding one at home would be worth it?"

"Sure, it was hard for me too, but someone pushed me into it. Oddly, it did help some, I might never get over it, but I can stand to be touched a little bit more now," Johnny spoke, looking over at Janus, who had a rather bashful expression on her face when he did.

"Thank you, Johnny; I know this was tough for you," Ruth said, stepping up to his side. "I think this has helped Yasmine out a lot, knowing there are people who've gone through the same thing more or less." Seeing him nod as she said those words.

"Johnny?" Seeing the light playing along his black hair as he turned his gaze towards his mother. "It's time for your nighttime meds," Katherine uttered, standing before the doorway to the kitchen.

"I hope you sleep okay tonight," Yasmine said kindly.

"I will," Johnny answered as he walked towards his mother, who stretched her arm out to him.

"You okay, honey?" Katherine asked, noting the look in her son's eyes. Wondering what they had talked about in that room. Looking over at Bill, who was pale as a ghost and tight-lipped. Pondering on what could have been so horrific that would make him appear in such a manner.

"Bill, will you escort me back to my motel room?" Yasmine asked, looking over at her future brother-in-law.

"Of course," Bill replied with a stern nod. After what he had just heard, he wasn't going to let either of them out of his sight when they were around him. While he may never understand fully what had happened to his brother and Yasmine, seeing how he has never been raped before, he could at least make sure, as John's eldest brother, that nothing like that ever happened to his little brother again. Watching his mother's hair sway along her back as she led John into the kitchen. Following Ruth out the door, praying that he could find some way to help his brother. He owed it to John, or at least, that's what he thought.

"Johnny, is everything okay?" Janus asked, stepping into the kitchen, feeling Annie at her back.

"No, I'll never be okay; those people are still alive," Johnny said darkly as his mother laid his pill tray before him.

"Johnny, you can't mean that, can you?" Katherine asked in a concerned voice.

"If I had my way, they'd be buried neck-deep with honey poured over their heads and bullet ants unleashed upon them," Johnny spat in fury. "Then dug out and strung up and quartered like they were in the middle ages." Ignoring the horrified looks on their faces when he said those words. Spilling his nightly pills into the palm of his hand.

"John..."

"Not now, don't want to talk about it," Johnny mumbled before popping the pills into his mouth and taking a big swig of water, washing it all down. "Sorry," he spoke in a more softer tone, seeing his mother's blue eyes quivering. "It's just not something you can understand, Mom. The only one who can is in the room with us. I'm sure she feels the same way as I do towards her own attacker."

"You?!" Katherine turned her gaze towards Janus, who reluctantly nodded.

"Sorry, Janus, didn't mean to out you," Johnny said in an apologetic voice.

"It's okay, Johnny, you were only trying to make her understand that she couldn't understand what it really is like. No offense, Katherine," Janus said, casting John's mother a look of forgiveness if her words were hurtful.

"No, you're right. I can't understand what that was like; I'm sure it was as traumatic to you as it was to Johnny. But, Johnny, I would like to understand. If you'd let me," Katherine said sweetly, placing her hand lightly on John's upper right arm. Seeing that questioning look in his eyes when he glanced at her. "I just want to understand your pain, honey, that's all, and maybe try to help you overcome it."

"You saw Bill; if he couldn't handle the truth of what happened, do you think you can?" Johnny asked with a pointed look.

"I can't say, Johnny..." Catching her son as he fell forward, causing the glass he had been using to skitter across the surface of the island before falling off the ledge. Shattering as it struck the floor in a loud, crisp pop.

His mother's, Janus', Annie's voices were distant in his ears. His head throbbed like mad. White flashes of light strobed before his eyes. A numb feeling flooded his body as he collapsed onto the island counter. His green eyes were open, yet they saw nothing. Not the dripping of the single drop of water from the faucet. Not the twinkling of the stars one could see from the small window above the sink, nor could he see the frantic worry on his mother's face as her image played upon the surface of them. No. For you see, John's damaged mind had flung him into his past, a past he could no longer remember thanks to Dr. Mott if one could call the man a doctor.

A loud, happy bark filled his mind as that forgotten memory flared to life. His little legs ran through the house at the sound of it with Anastasia (Annie's given name), hot on his heels as they raced down the stairs. They both skidded to a stop as they watched with wide, shocked, and happy, joyful eyes as Buster -- then a three-month-old puppy -- eagerly licked Brandan's face as he held that little ball of fur in his arms. Bill and Ray soon joined them; given how they were in the early stages of their teenage aloofness; they took their time in coming down.

"Boys, Annie, I want you to meet Buster," Katherine said with a wide smile on her lips at their children's happy faces as they peered up at them.

"Now we've talked about this, your mother and I think you all are ready for the responsibility of caring for a dog. So it will be your responsibility to see that he has plenty of food, water, and lots of walks out back; he has to be on a leash if you take him out front. We don't want him running away, now do we?" Brandan asked, peering down at his children as Buster never failed to keep that tongue licking away.

"Is he really ours, Dad?" John's eight-year-old voice filled his mind.

"He is John. Do you think you can help your brothers and sister in taking care of him?" Brandan asked, giving his son that fatherly stare.

"Mmmhmm!" John hummed loudly as he nodded his head vigorously.

"Set him down, honey, let the kids get to know Buster," Katherine said, placing a hand on her husband's left arm.

Another stabbing pain flared, taking his brain further as his mind pushed the memory forward in time. John was running around in the back with then a six-month-old Buster hot on his heels. Laughing without a care in the world. Only to be diverted as Anastasia ran past him, and the chase began anew. Her then ear-length raven hair flowed through the air as she giggled like mad as Buster playful nipped at her heels.

"Ow!" Annie hissed as she tripped over her own left foot and skinned her left knee.

"Anastasia?!" John hurried to his sister's side. "Are you alright?" he asked in a concerned brotherly voice. Seeing his sister shaking her head, trying not to cry. "Come on, let's go see Mom. She'll know what to do." Helping his sniffling sister up off the ground. Calling Buster to him as they neared the house. Hearing the jiggling of the nametag he had made in one of those vending machines at the local hardware store near his grandparents' home with his own allowance. "Mama?!" John's voice called out as Buster raced to his dog bed to rest after being worn out.

"What is it, John?" Katherine called back from upstairs.

"Anastasia is hurt; she's bleeding!" He heard the pounding of his mother's feet racing towards them.

"Don't scare me like that, John?!" A sigh of relief escaped her lips at the sight of her daughter's skinned knee. "You almost gave me a heart attack!" Katherine teased, giving John's nose a little wiggle. "Take your sister to the kitchen; I'll get the hydrogen peroxide, cotton balls, and a Band-Aid."

"'Kay!" John chirped, seeing his mother in her old, tattered clothes with her hair held back by a bandana which he knew she only wore when she was cleaning the house. Shouldering his sister's weight as she limped towards the kitchen. "Does it hurt?"

"Mmmhmm." Annie nodded as she lowered herself into the chair. Not seeing the shock in her eyes when John bent down and placed a kiss on top of her knee.

"John, what are you doing?" Katherine asked from the kitchen doorway.

"What you always do for me when I have an owie. Kiss it and make it better," turning his head to peer at his mother, "Did I do it wrong? Does it not feel better?" John asked, looking at his sister, not understanding why Anastasia's cheeks were so red when he did.

"You silly goose!" Katherine chuckled lightly, shaking her head. "Only mothers have that power." Posing herself like a superhero.

"I'm sorry, Anastasia, I tried," John said in a sad tone. Feeling the corners of his lips lifting as he felt the kiss on top of his head.

"That's what matters, my Li'l John is that you tried to make your sister feel better," Katherine said in a sweet, motherly voice.

Holding out his hand to his sister when he asked if she wanted to squeeze it when their mother applied the hydrogen peroxide to the wound on her knee. Seeing his sister nodding before her hand wrapped around his. Remembering the smile on his mother's lips as she worked to clean the wound and he stood there stalwartly like the Li'l John in the Robin Hood tale did when he first faced off against the man.

"See, that wasn't so bad, was it?" Katherine asked, a little proud that her daughter didn't cry out once during it. "Now you two go watch some cartoons while I finish cleaning," she directed, shooing her children off. She was taken aback when John abruptly hugged her as Anastasia left the room. Rocking her son gently, her hand lightly brushed along the back of his head as she held him close. "What was that for?"

"For being the best Mom in the world," John said with a wide toothy grin.

Heart rate monitors beeped in his ears. The sounds of the intercom played overhead. The irritating squeaks of sneakers on a newly waxed floor plucked at the cobwebs of his mind. His legs moved beneath the light blanket that covered him. The sound of the plastic mattress of the hospital bed echoed in the room.

"Johnny?!"

"Mama?" John muttered. His eyes slowly opened as he felt a hand stroking his hair.

"Yes, baby, I'm here, so is everyone," Katherine said, staring into her son's eyes. Seeing how the printout of the EEG was rolling out. Looking down when John placed his hand over her heart.

"Best Mom in the world," Johnny muttered. His hand fell away as he slipped back into his slumber.

Her hand shot to her mouth. Hiding her trembling lip at what her son just said to her. A phrase he hasn't spoken in five long years. Something that she was afraid she would never hear again. "Oh, my Li'l John, my sweet, sweet boy," Katherine whispered as she caressed her son's face. Peering over her right shoulder as Brandan placed a steadying hand on it.

"He's going to be out of it for a while. Let Janus and Annie stay with him; we both need rest." Brandan said as much as it hurt him to say it, he knew they were the most likely ones he would want to see the first thing he woke up.

"Then you go, I'm not leaving my baby, not ever again," Katherine said, shedding a tear as she turned her gaze back to her son.

"Then we'll take shifts; there's a free bed, me and Annie can sleep on it while Katherine keeps watch and switch off every two hours. That should give us all four hours of sleep," Janus said, getting to her feet, eyeing the free bed next to John's.

"Then you call us the first thing in the morning if he wakes up," Ruth said, coming to her side. She and Bill had franticly raced to the hospital when Ray had called them. Hearing Katherine crying over the line as he drove them towards the hospital. Telling them, John had another seizure, and he was unresponsive. "I don't have a class in the morning, so I can come and take over."

Nonetheless, while the Masters family and future family members were hashing out the details so that one of them was always with John. His mind had sent him back to the worst day of his life. The day that Buster died.

Recounting how his sister had pulled him behind the Mulberry tree. Planting the very first kiss he ever received upon his lips. Shock was evident on his young teenage face. Yet the silence in the air was deafening. That was when the loud cry of an animal tore at his mind. His head was turning so fast, franticly searching for Buster.

In the outside world, all grew still as John thrashed about in his sleep. Watching how his head turned to and fro in quick succession. How his hands tore at and bunched up the blanket as if something horrible was happening in his mind. Which it was, for at that moment, in his fractured memory, his screams of 'No, no, no!' Tormented him as the sight of Buster's bloody, broken body laid there unmoving.

"Buster!" John's voice cried out in his mind as Bill and Ray had to hold him back. "You can't be dead! You can't!" he screamed out. Trying to will his best friend back to life. Then something cold, something dark, something alien inside of his mind that had been lurking, waiting patiently for the right time to show itself, for the right factors to fall into place to make itself known. "You! You killed him! Why?! He never did anything to you!" In that state, as he clawed at the air to get to his mother, who stood there in shock and horror at the twistedness that lurked inside of his mind finally showed itself to the world, marred his face. He could feel his brothers' strength waning to hold him back. That twistedness grew in elation, knowing soon it would right a wrong. That the scales would be restored.

"John, I'm sorry, Buster came out of nowhere, it was an accident?! I swear I tried to stop, but it was too late." Katherine's apologetic voice filled his mind. Yet, to the thing he had become, it didn't matter. All that mattered was his friend was dead and lying at her feet.

"John, calm down," Ray grunted from behind him. "Bill, grab his legs."

"Let me go! She killed Buster! Don't you care!" John squirmed as they lifted him into the air.

"You stay here until you can calm down," Bill stated after they had deposited John onto his bed.

"You were never Buster's friends, were you?!" His voice took a very hard tone to it as he was fully immersed in his schizoaffective episode. His delusions that were clouding his mind were making him see his brothers as the enemy when in truth, they were just as torn up about Buster's death and John's sudden change of behavior.

"John, you don't know what you're saying," Bill said, waving off his statement.

"Maybe I should have chosen you. Yes. Yes. That sounds good. Buster will come back. He will; I know it. Wouldn't you like that, Bill? Wouldn't you like to help bring Buster back? I know I would." A maddening look was etched on John's face as he turned his gaze towards them. "Why don't you come close? No need to be shy. Just let me wrap my hands around your neck. It will all be better soon. I promise," John said in a deathly tone. Seeing Bill not as he was but the monster his delusion had made of his brother. John's insane laughter followed them out as they darted quickly out of his room.

Forty-five minutes had passed as John sat cross-legged on his bed waiting. Eagerly waiting for the monsters to return. All so he could return his beloved friend back to him. His insane mind whispered to him. Telling him that if he did, Buster would be good as new. John had no reason to doubt the voice. It sounded like a brilliant plan to him. He had to take a life to restore a life. It sounded quite logical to him. Even the voice thought so. So there he waited with two very, very sharp pencils resting on either side of him. Tilting his head, a wicked smile formed on his lips when he heard steps approaching as the heavy rain clouds unleashed their torrent onto the earth. A cruel, vile grin spread across his lips as his fingers wrapped around the pencils. His feet compressed his mattress as he squatted on it, waiting for the moment to spring into action. "Soon," he told himself, "soon Buster will be back. He's going to be so happy to see me!"

"John! What in the hell are you doing?!" Brandan roared as he barely caught his son's arms when his son leapt at him unexpectedly.

"Don't you see! They're monsters! Monsters have to die! Why are you stopping me?!" John bemoaned, struggling to free himself from his father's grasp.

"Hurry, Bill, he's like a bucking bronco," Brandan grunted, wondering where this strength was coming from. He saw the wildness of his son's eyes. It wasn't his son looking back at him. He knew that in an instant. "John, calm down. They aren't monsters; they're your brothers," he said, trying to instill reason into his son.

"Brothers?!" For a moment, that did register in John's brain, yet only for a moment. Nonetheless, that moment was all Brandan needed to pin John's arms to his side. Keeping those sharp objects in his hand from harming them or himself. "So... you're one of them, masquerading as my father. You wanted Buster dead too, didn't you?" John's voice was cold and alien as he stared hatefully at the thing that he couldn't overpower. At that moment, in his mind, he didn't see his father but a globous blob that had him ensnared. Knowing something had to be done. He had to find where these monsters had hidden his family and free them if he could. First, he had to find a way to deal with the foes before him. Yet, he needed help. He was just a little kid.

"John, what are you talking about? No one wanted Buster dead, no one. Don't you remember when we brought Buster home? Don't you remember how he wouldn't stop licking my face? If I was a monster, would Buster do that?" Brandan asked, trying to reach his son. He had no clue what was happening to John, yet he knew they weren't equipped to handle it. Watching how John looked to the left and to his right as if he was talking to someone.

"If you're not a monster, what's Buster's favorite toy after he has a bath?" John said, trying to throw the thing that believed he was his father off.

"That's a trick question since Buster rolls around on that old blanket to get himself dirty again."

"He knows," looking to his right, "what am I to do?" John asked the imaginary image to his left.

"I'm done," Bill stated

"Go! Tell your mother to call 911!" Brandan ordered. His muscles strained as that insane strength that surged through his son tried to lunged at Bill as he left the room. "You want to see Buster, right?" He knew this was wrong, so wrong, to lie to his own son. Yet he feared if he let go of John's arms, it would be him that would be stabbed with those pencils. "You know it was a joke, right? Your mother just took it a little too far. Buster's just fine. But you have to wait here so I can get him, alright?" Seeing that insane light in his son's eyes just brightening, thinking that Buster was indeed still alive and not buried in the backyard.

"It wasn't a very funny joke," John said darkly.

"I know; I thought so too. But he's alright," praying that his son could forgive him for this, "just let me go get him, okay, you stay right here."

"Okay," John nodded. Dropping the pencils, thinking Buster wouldn't want to see him with such things in his hands. However, the moment the door closed behind his father, so did the lock on his door, which had been reversed to keep him contained in his room. The moment he saw the door handle, John rushed to the door. His body bouncing off of it as it held true. "Deceiver! Monster! Murderer!" John screamed out, his fist pounding the door as he did until he was red in the face.

"See?! Only monsters deceive. They can't be trusted," the voice whispered in his delusional mind as John paced his room. Lightning crackled overhead, shaking the house; its blue-white light filled his room. Turning his head towards the window when his new friend, someone, that to his mind was being truthful to him, or at least that's what his mind thought of at the time. "Go. Buster is waiting."

"Huh?"

"He isn't dead. He's alive; they wanted to kill him. Hurry?!" John saw a dark figure standing at the edge of the grave site of where Buster was put to rest. Hurriedly taking off his shoes and socks. He didn't want them to hear that their prison couldn't keep him contained. He was going to save his friend! It didn't matter if it was pouring down rain, lightning striking a mile away. No. None of that mattered to John. All that mattered was saving Buster. His body became instantly soaked as he eased down his bedroom window when he stood on the porch's roof.

"I'm coming, Buster," John muttered in determination. Barely registering the fall after he had let go of the overhang of the roof. Ignoring the pain when he fell backward onto his ass. Causing the water that stood on the lawn to splash out from around him. Slowly inching out of the light that played through the window as those that appeared to be his parents, yet to his mind were actually monsters, were discussing something, what that was he couldn't say; nor did he care to know. Once he knew they didn't see him. Didn't realize that he had escaped their clutches. John raced to Buster's grave.

Water poured down his face. Globs of mud clung to his hands as he hurriedly dug with his hands to free Buster. Always muttering, 'I'm here, I'm here. Don't worry. I won't leave you.' An insane smile formed on his lips once he had uncovered Buster. To his mind, Buster was panting for air, not the lifeless body before him. "There you are," John said in a loving voice as he brushed his hand along Buster's head.

He didn't know how long he sat there on the back of his legs, holding Buster's dead body to him. It took all five of them to pry Buster's dead, wet, bloody body from his arms as he thrashed wildly in his brothers' arms once they had separated the two of them...

John bolted to a sitting position in his hospital bed. Pulling off the electrodes on his forehead as he did. A maddening look appeared in his eyes as he stared down at his hands. Not seeing them clean but covered in blood. Buster's and Julia's. The blood of his two only friends in the world. Blood that will never come off. Not seeing how Annie held Janus back when she knew he wasn't in his right mind.

"Johnny," Bill took a step forward while Brandan and Ray kept Wanda and Ruth out of arms reach. "Johnny, do you know where you are?" he asked, being the only one that's had any professional experience, albeit in a classroom setting, it was still more than anyone else had; and he was determined to reach his brother. Wherever he was in his mind at the time. Taking a dry swallow as his brother turned his gaze towards him. He could tell that John was on the verge of an episode. "Mom, get a nurse, lots of them," Bill warned.

"Is the monster afraid of Li'l John? Come closer," a very creepy smile formed on his lips as his former persona surfaced, "come on, I'm just a little boy, surely you can't be afraid of me?!"

"Johnny, honey, you're not yourself; come back to me," Janus pleaded from the foot of his bed. Seeing the blank look on his face when he peered at her. "Remember, Johnny, you aren't that little anymore. You aren't in that place. You're safe here with us. We aren't the monsters you're seeing." Praying that her voice was reaching him. Praying that he wouldn't be thrown back into a ward. She knew if that happened, she would lose John forever.

"I... what... you're confusing me!" Johnny grumbled. He wasn't about to be deceived, not again!

"John, can you hear me, my Lil John?" Katherine's voice was sweet and soft once she had returned. Buying the nurses time to get the restraints in case John became violent.

"Mama?" John's voice changed its cadence as he turned his gaze towards her.

"Yes, baby, I'm right here," Katherine said, slowly approaching his bedside. "You had another seizure. You're in the hospital."

"I am?" Johnny muttered, confused.

"Yes, honey," Katherine nodded. "Your mind is playing tricks on you. No one here is a monster, not even you. You're just special. But you need help right now. These people are going to help you, so you don't hurt yourself or anyone else," she said, gesturing to the nurses as they poured into the room. "Will you be my good Li'l John for me?"

"Please, Johnny, it's just for right now," Annie pleaded as she held Janus against her. "Can you cooperate with them for us?"

"Anastasia?" John muttered, blinking his eyes a few times, causing the delusion to dispel from his sight.

"Yes, Johnny, it's me. We've been here the whole time," Annie said. Her heart fluttered when he used her given name.

"You've grown," Johnny said, still in the mindset of five years ago.

"As did you," Annie retorted with a smile. Keeping his attention on her as the doctor injected John with a sedative. "Be a good little brother and let them help you."

"Help me how?!" Johnny growled, struggling the best that he could with the nurses, yet there wasn't much he could do in his weakened state.

"So you can rest and sleep this episode off."

"Johnny, please, don't fight them, can you do that for me? I don't want them taking you away from us," Janus said, placing her hand over their baby that was growing healthy in her womb.

"Right. No fighting," Johnny muttered as her words finally breached his confused mind. His green eyes ran up and down Janus' body as the memories, he had acquired after his return home flooded his mind. "You shouldn't see me like this," he uttered low as he watched the nursed shackling him to the bed rails.

"I take you any day of the week with the good and the bad," Janus said firmly, resting her hand on John's right shin.

"Johnny, do you know where you are?" Bill asked once again.

"Oregon." Johnny retorted in a smartass tone.

"I meant specifically where you are at the moment."

"Oregon, in a hospital, better?" Johnny replied combatively.

"Can I ask what brought your episode out?" Bill asked, noting how all the others were listening intently as John tugged on the restraints.

"A memory."

"You remembered something?!" Katherine and Brandan asked in unison. "Can you tell us what memory it was?" Shaking his head, John wasn't ready to talk about it.

"It was when Buster died, wasn't it?" Bill asked, remembering the only time he called them monsters was on that day. He didn't realize it then, moreover, understood what was happening to John at that moment. Now. Now, he did, and he knew that was the first time John experienced his very first episode. "I'm sorry, Johnny, I know how much he meant to you," he said, laying a hand on his brother's leg when John nodded. Yet John's eyes weren't on him but on Annie.

"What?!" Annie asked, blushing underneath his gaze.

"I remember," Johnny said, laying back on the bed as he felt the drug starting to kick in.

"You remember what, Johnny?" Annie asked, curious as was everyone else in the room when he said those words.

"How you got that scar on your left knee," Johnny stated in a matter-of-fact manner. Turning his head when his mother's hand flew to her mouth.

"Johnny, what exactly do you remember?" Annie asked, stepping towards the foot of his bed

"Buster, you, me, out in the backyard, playing. You fell. I went to check on you. Mom came running down the steps..." Giving his mother a quick glance, comparing her past self to her present one. "She said: I almost gave her a heart attack." Seeing Bill propping up their mother as Katherine's knees gave out. Her eyes were quivering. Filled with emotions too numerous to name as John continued on.

"What happened next, Johnny?" Annie urged him on. She had to know if it was a real memory or something his mind was falsifying. So far, it had held true.

"I took you to the kitchen. I kissed your knee. But I don't think it worked. You were still hurting," Johnny said truthfully.

Everyone looked to Annie and Katherine, wondering if what he had said was true or not. John could see the hope in their eyes.

"Oh, Johnny, you do remember," Annie said with tears in her blue-green eyes. "I'm so happy that you do."

"But to do so, I become this," Johnny said, rattling the shackles against the railings. "But it's for the best. Best that you aren't hurt because of me," he spoke, his eyes squarely on Janus. That was the last thing he ever wanted to do, was hurt her or their baby. "Sorry, I thought you were monsters," Johnny uttered, turning his gaze to his family. "I know who the real monsters are now."

"Johnny, son, I know that day was hard, especially what came after it. I know we didn't handle it as well as we should have, yet we didn't..."

"I know; you think I understand myself?" Johnny asked, cutting his father off. "I might resent you for what you did; I don't blame you for trying to help. Even if that help put me through a Hell you can't even imagine," he said darkly. "I'm going to sleep now," yawning loudly, "Mom?" Johnny mumbled as he closed his eyes.

"Yes, baby, what is it?" Katherine asked with a trembling voice.

"Take Janus home, will you?"

"Johnny?!" Janus said, not eager to be separated from him at this critical time.

"It's not good for the baby, her worrying about me. Will you do that for me?" Johnny inquired, opening his eyes a fraction of an inch.

"Of course, Johnny, but don't you want her to stay with you?" Katherine asked, casting Janus a glance.

"I do; however, her sleeping here will put too much stress on her. She needs to be comfortable," Johnny said, remembering what he read in Janus' pregnancy book. "Plus, she takes care of me; I have to take care of her, too." Not seeing how red Janus' face lit up when he said that. "One more thing." The room grew silent as they all waited for him to continue.​